1. Hey everybody! If you have, indeed, never been mellow, soft rock is now back! This is totally awesome news in that I had yet to find a use for my 100 rounds of Federal Hydra-Shok .40 hollowpoint ammunition.
2. Hey everybody! There really weren’t any ninjas. Sorry. Big old fake.
3. ROBOT GUINEA PIG? ROBOT GUINEA PIG!
4. I hope none of you local kids are pals with Logan here, since the Register reports he got taken in last night with 2 pounds of weed and a kilo of shrooms.
5. And this just in from wearescott: it’s the ultimate AMERICA FUCK YEAH BURGER!

1. Citifuc: Citibank’s ATM network goes down because someone stole their thing and they had a thing.
2. Contest! (now completed): make your own myspace emo pic!
3. Cool VR animations of travel destination are at World in Motion.
4. I have no joke, I just like saying “Wackenhut”. Especially when they do stuff like open up the anthrax bomb outside the boss’s office.
5. BITE INTO THE BIG FAT PURPLE SAUSAGE.
6. How the other 0.0001% lives: They have “shadow boats” to carry all their rich guy stuff and follow after their main yacht. Yeah.

1. How do Swedes survive past 40 eating delicious stuff like this all the time? Also, Elaine, please stop trying to kill me with your blog, thanks!
2. Hmm. Chinese wine?
3. Craigslist post du jour: Carol, or T-Bone?
4. From Japan, a land where things are different, the be your own cat keychain. Thanks, ‘vark.
5. Mr. Toast presents: SPACE LORE FROM THE MEAT PEOPLE.
6. The Taklimakan Desert of Western China does not look very hospitable, at least from satellite height.
7. For hoyvenmayven and other smarties: THE DEFINITIVE FRINK. This isn’t the Monsterometer…
8. Ursi linked to a fine photo gallery of the Venetian version of Carnival: very different from Brazil, and very beautiful.

Hey!! Someone found a new tomb in the Egyptian Valley of the Kings for the first time since Tut in 1922!!

Hey!! The Scottish Parliament has a page in the hilarious pidgin known as “Scots”!! (Hooanever, at present we can tak telephone and textphone caws in English and Gaelic juist.)

Hey!! Don’t do this with a ladder during that home improvement project!!

Hey!! Get some get up ‘n’ go by putting some buckshot in your face!!

Hey!! Don’t be the one who has to clean out this very odd vending machine!!

Hey!! Don’t worry, everything is under control! We’re just surreptitiously draining this gigantic lake over here!!

1. Bibliodyssey has a fascinating article on the encrypted religious poetry of the 9th century German theologian Rabanus. This is the kind of thing I see and immediately want to know everything about!
2. On a totally different spectrum of awesome, here’s a formula 1 V10 engine warming up and revving, just to show you what the peak of gearhead technology looks and sounds like.
3. I hope this is an incorrect report, but it’s not unbelievable that the world’s two best-known child molesters would make beautiful music together.

1. Ads. Eggs. Ads on eggs. Ads on eggs? AAADDSSS OONNNN EGGGSSSS! (via AdJab)
2. The CPSC would like to warn you about the sunroom roof glass… …OF DOOM!
3. Hey Torgo! Your Industrial Art Gallery made it on to Bibliodyssey! And rightly so.
4. Hacking for money got this guy in severe trouble for only 61 grand in revenue, and that was the prosecutor’s estimate. He would have been better off knocking over liquor stores.
5. The 30 second bunny treatment is now applied to Night of the Living Dead.
6. You may get a car guy boner for this 600 HP 392 MOPAR engine, but to me it’s a sign of how dead and stupid American car engineering is. Welcome back to 1970.

1. PENGUIN CAM!
2. How to turn anyone into a zombie with Photoshop.
3. ThinkGeek has a good reason for all of us to hate both geeks AND Valentine’s Day.
4. The hits just keep coming at UCI Medical Center here, as it now turns out they may have taken payola to sneak someone’s kid into a residency job.
5. Right-thinking folks be warned: FOX News is sliding insidiously to the left. (thanks, Vark!)
6. Here’s a cheap way to make a satellite. Take an old space suit, stuff some radios in it, and throw it out the airlock of your space station

1. The Belgians are invading us with tiny, tiny, tiiiiiny helicopters.
2. Date a Russian Nesting Doll!
3. God Bless Hooters Restaurant. I approve of Msgr. Rozycki’s attitude; he’s dead on about the tax collectors and publicans.
4. Here’s an excellent collection of artists’ handmade alphabet books, via Bibliodyssey.
5. Clean your keyboard more often. Seriously.
6. A regurgitated press release “news story” that I won’t even link says that “L.A. Residents are unprepared for terror attack”. Sorry, RAND Corp. We were too busy staying prepared for the earthquakes, fires, mud slides, and civil unrest we’ve experienced in the last 20 years. What the hell is Osama going to do to me that I haven’t figured out how to prepare for already? Grump!
7. It was a very hot day in this part of Australia, apparently.
8. The Exploding Aardvark presents: TANG PIE.
9. PANTS-FREE FLASHMOB! PANTS-FREE FLASHMOB! PANTS-FREE FLASHMOB!