Tag: no

more ether, george

I awoke in a black depression this morning, only to be jollied into a fit of giggling by the Aardvark’s Curious George Culture Wars post.

The other day we had discussed the difference between “cripes” and “yeesh”, both of which she uses as tags for posts on del.icio.us. It was my opinion that “cripes” could be used for any type of fucked-up situation, but that “yeesh” indicated not only that things were really jacked, but that someone was being a total lamer.

This is why the government needs to track us on the Internet, because the difference between a cripes and a yeesh is just the kind of subtle code that our biowarfare sleeper cell the terrorists use to signal their cohorts.

SO YOU’VE FOUND A GIRL WHO BUYS 2% MILK

Tori Amos is a tremendous talent. Great singer, great songwriter. Love ‘er! However, her raging success in the 1990s was not without collateral damage. Supermarket muzak now consists almost entirely of women singers with that little-girl voice, backed by pianos and acoustic guitars, singing yearningly about their yearning to yearn. It’s dreck. Somehow I imagine Ms. Amos driving around in her car or going to the Stop ‘n’ Slop and hearing Sixpence Nun and the Michelles trying for a sound somewhere between hers and the Sundays and being blithering idiots, and she slams her Super Big Burp down on the cupholder and yells “Fuck.. FUCKING FUCK!”

I hope she does! Because i do.

581% return

Maciej’s delicious links pointed to “How to transition to boyfriend status” with the very accurate tags: ugh howto self-help idiot sex

The “get a girl” self-help guru subculture is exactly the pyramid scheme “network marketing” subculture about sex instead of money. They’re all convinced that some foolproof scheme exists for acquiring the desired object: a beautiful woman. (Note: must be beautiful, preferably a professional model of some kind.) Once this formula is discovered and applied, women meeting their criteria will be attracted and compelled to submit to them. They live entirely in the world of the 13-year-old boy who knows that he wants to have an extremely hot woman, and that he cannot. This isn’t dating, it’s Weird Science.

Like the “network marketing” people, these maniacs always believe in their latest version of self-help sexual magick, which is entirely unlike all those others. Also like the pyramid schemers, they give each other authoritative advice in the complete absence of success even on their own unusual terms. The guy in the beat-up ’85 BMW who tells you he has the key to becoming a millionaire here presents himself as the quivering, porn-clutching misogynist with the sure-fire method for creating a supermodel out of old magazines and a flux capacitor.

A cheerfully annoying loon from my college days, a guy who loved to disrupt any political speech on campus with loud, disjointed heckling and wore a permanent disturbed clownlike grin, later morphed into “The Speed Seduction Guy”. I remember spitting out my drink in disbelief seeing him on TV sometime in the 90s pitching his “method”. OH NO WAY IT’S THAT GUY, OH MAN, HE’S SELLING WHAT?

What these poor bastards are after, of course, isn’t dating or even just sex. It’s power. Fortunately for them, the sorcery they’re practicing just reaps another $49.95 each time for the book and tape set, without the statue of the Commendatore showing up and dragging them off to Hell.

via mendel Tattoos, brain surgery, and parachutes

Woman With Tattoo From Homemade Gun Got Sick

tatSPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Some women in Springfield are regretting their decision last week to get a tattoo from a door-to-door tattoo salesman. At least one person had to be hospitalized and the others face serious health risks.

Friday night, a man knocked on doors holding a tattoo gun and offering his services. Tamra Eason described the tool as homemade, but still agreed to pay for a tattoo. So did two other women in her apartment complex.

“It was wrapped with black tape, had a pin underneath it, had fishing wire going through it, you could tell it was a homemade gun,” Eason said.

The next day, Linda Falls passed out and had to be hospitalized.

“I passed out in the store and they said I should have it checked out,” Falls said.

All the women have an infection in the tattoo area and have been told to get tested for HIV and hepatitis.

The health department said it’s always worth the extra money to get a tattoo from a licensed professional with the right equipment and sterilization procedures.

tat2“Getting a tattoo is like a wound. There’s a risk of disease that may be long term or life threatening. It’s a serious decision,” said Jaci McReynalds, with the Greene County Health Department.

It is illegal in Missouri to give a tattoo without a license, so if several people file complaints with the state, the county prosecutor will pursue the case.

“Beware of deals in parachutes, brain surgery and tattoos,” said Miller Cotton, a tattoo parlor owner.

“We just wanted tattoos, and now we’re paying for it,” Eason said.