SO YOU’VE FOUND A GIRL WHO BUYS 2% MILK

Tori Amos is a tremendous talent. Great singer, great songwriter. Love ‘er! However, her raging success in the 1990s was not without collateral damage. Supermarket muzak now consists almost entirely of women singers with that little-girl voice, backed by pianos and acoustic guitars, singing yearningly about their yearning to yearn. It’s dreck. Somehow I imagine Ms. Amos driving around in her car or going to the Stop ‘n’ Slop and hearing Sixpence Nun and the Michelles trying for a sound somewhere between hers and the Sundays and being blithering idiots, and she slams her Super Big Burp down on the cupholder and yells “Fuck.. FUCKING FUCK!”

I hope she does! Because i do.

22 thoughts on “SO YOU’VE FOUND A GIRL WHO BUYS 2% MILK

  1. i LOLed at your subject line!
    i am listening to her cover “wrapped around your finger” by the police right now and she sounds like a supermarket parody of her own self.

  2. i’m not aware of too many things…
    Dear Mister Substitute,
    I believe I was first… but most importantly…

    I MARRIED PAUL SIMON I WIN AHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAAAAA
    L.

      1. Re: i’m not aware of too many things…
        There is one good song on that record which she did not write. I think it’s called “Circle”. I know this because a besotted friend kept playing her damn record in his truck and I was always waiting for the one good song to go by.

  3. The circle of pop life: pale-imitation, self-actualization, unconscious self-parody
    I kind of lost her an album or two after Little Earthquakes, but Little Earthquakes had a huge emotional impact for me, the kind of album–like Big Star’s 3rd–that makes me forgive an assload of (potentially) lousy solo work. But DEAR GOD YES I concur with your thesis here. I still want to punch Michelle Branch in the ovaries.
    It’s also hilariously ironic because Ms. Amos’ first album, Y Kant Tori Read was her turn to regurgitate the stereotypical supermarket muzak of the era–in this case bad hair metal pop a la Fiona (not Apple), Bardeux, etc. It was so bad I bought three copies!

    1. Re: The circle of pop life: pale-imitation, self-actualization, unconscious self-parody
      In my Celebrity Revenge Fantasy, Patti Smith from 1976 shows up and beats Michelle Branch to death with all of Sixpence None the Richer.

  4. sorry – but I doth protest. Take the Kate Bush out of Tori Amos and you have a coatcheck girl waiting for the #3 Downtown at the busstop.
    i would LOVE to hear Kate in a supermarket.

    1. Oh I totally understand the “Tori Amos as cut-rate Kate Bush” reaction because I felt that way for years. But I really think she has written some amazing songs. That excuses a lot of vocal imitation.
      A few Kate Bush songs just stand alone for me. Particularly “Under the Ivy”. Know that one?

      1. I’m a rabid Kate fan – I know the song well. She has a way of singing to every damn guy and making it sound like she’s making plans to meetcha. The new album is a bit too motherly for my tastes, but just to hear her voice again is like medicine. Ever hear her original demos as a teenager? You can find them here http://www.norbry.net/kate-bush/mp3/
        prepare for hours of fantasy.

      2. yes. yes she is.
        also, tori’s new stuff sucks. very disappointing, but she’s been heading there for some time now. i miss the faery queen.

      3. Heh. Primus even did a song about Amos being a rip-off of Bush. Primus!
        Anyway, Aerial‘s certainly better than Peter Gabriel’s Up was.

      4. true. MAybe Gabriel thinks too hard on his records. I bet the eralier versions were way more interesting.
        Primus, eh? Ha! It must reeeely be obvious then. Then again, Kate could sing the Primus songbook and make it wonderful. That voice is otherworldly.

      5. i am a fan of both, and must say, after a ridiculous amount of hours spent studying them, they have their own individual things to offer. also as tori grew, she sounded less bushy. now she just kinda sucks, but that’s beside the point.

      6. I’ve never been a fan of Tori’s however I don’t taste bile when I hear one of her songs.
        What Gabriel boots I have of works in progress never fail to fascinate. He just takes too long between releases and probably does tons of second-guessing on himself. “Up” wasn’t so bad, it was better than the previous one, still you want that innovation from him he showed whe he went solo.

      7. gabriel
        Everything he’s done since So has sounded like… …doing So again. It’s a fine record, but re-doing it for 20 years he kinda lost me.

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