Tag: commerce

Door to Door (slight return)

Another college guy showed up at the door with the exact same spiel.

ME: You guys already hit me up.

HIM: It’s not what you think, we’re not selling magazines.

ME: Right, you’re selling books!

HIM: …yes. Did he have something like… ::shows brochure::

ME: Right, exactly. Books for kids, in the hospital.

HIM: Well, crap. I’m just around the corner on Francisco. No one around here is in my class! What the heck?

There’s a pause and the poor guy looks genuinely lost.

ME: I’m not sure he was at UCLA like you. Maybe he is at a different school that’s doing the fundraiser.

HIM: Oh man, yeah. Crap. Yeah.

ME: So, anyway, this area has had the pitch already. Sorry.

HIM: Thanks, man. ::wanders off sadly::

Tragicomedy gold: How to Date White Women

Courtesy Anna Pirhana, here’s an Amazon listing for How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men, a very important book for “Asian” men, which I assume refers to United States residents of East Asian descent and not to Sri Lankans, Uighurs, or Kashmiris. Amazon’s “Better Together” suggestion is surprisingly apropos: they recommend The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Handling Chicks as an ideal companion volume.

The best review of this book is by Crazy Ed from Cupertino, who says:

I personally found the book lacking, in what I like to call “chutzpah”. I gave this book to a friend who needed some help and the “step-by-step guide” provided in this tome is anything but. In many cases he found the steps to be nebulous, ambagious, and even geared towards the derelict reader. The book, as a whole, was definitely not multifarious. I would not extol this literary work.

Thanks for the tip there, Ed. I like my racist sex advice books to be multifarious and loaded with “chutzpah”, and I wouldn’t buy anything you didn’t extol.

People who considered this book were apparently also interested in How to Date Young Women: For Men over 35 vol II (Advanced Skills), which begs the question of what the first volume left out, and what kind of “advanced skills” might be necessary for us over-35 guys to get us some young tender flesh. Maybe the advanced volume tells us how to get two young girlfriends, or how to get away with dating high school girls and not end up in jail or dead, or how to date your own children. I’m sure I should stick to Volume I as a first step, though. You have to learn slowly from the Master.

door to door encounter

Ding dong. Open the door. There’s a high school kid there, well-dressed. He says he’s my neighbor from “down the street”. He launches into a description of how he’s in a public communication class and they’re supposed to meet friendly, nonviolent neighbors. I smile and fake a punch. He smiles back. Then he gets to the meat of it: he’s going to go overseas to intern at the BBC but must raise funds! Here we go. He’s not selling magazines! No, this is “worse”! They’re making him sell books. Now, lots of people are “saturated with books” so what they’re doing for us book-saturated householders is allowing us to buy books for others. In this case the “kids in Intensive Care at Childrens Hospital”. The pitch arrives at “what most people are doing” which is sponsoring a boy and a girl (nice way to set up two sales).

I politely refuse; I have to cut him off to do so.

He asks “Why?” He says that this is about public communication! I respond that he’s publicly communicated very well, but he’s not getting money from me today. Again he says “Why? I just want to know, so I can improve for the next people I talk to. What could I do differently next door?”

I said “You could find someone nicer than me.” There was a pause and I smiled brightly.

“That shouldn’t be too hard,” he said. Off he trudged.

Surefire retirement plan.

Find the person who’s got the idea for the next generation technology that will make tattoo removal quicker, cheaper, and less painful.

Invest in this person’s business or patent as much as possible.

Wait ten years.

Retire and slurp umbrella drinks on the beach in Tahiti.

If I find the right technology there is no possible way this strategy can fail.

The future tipple of bitter lesbian art students everywhere

littlefrida“In cooperation with the Frida Kahlo family estate, Dorado, Pizzorni & Sons, LLC Importers is proud to announce the launch of Frida Kahlo tequila. This tequila is superior to others because it is elaborated in small batches through a 100% natural, handcrafted and traditional process. We only use the finest quality blue agaves and natural ingredients,” said Jorge Gutierrez, President of Dorado, Pizzorni & Sons, LLC.

“It has been an exciting adventure to develop and launch a product that would characterize my Aunt Frida: her love for Mexico, her strength and her passion for life. Tequila, her favorite drink, accompanied her in the greatest moments of her life,” said Kahlo’s niece, Isolda P. Kahlo. “While searching in the region of Jalisco it was a unique opportunity and a great challenge to obtain the right quality, taste and pureness that would match Frida’s expectations. Always taking care of the finest details, Frida Kahlo Tequila is a Super Premium Tequila that my family and I proudly present to the world, at the level and quality of the tequilas that Frida would definitely expect from her favorite drink.”

Initially, Frida Kahlo Tequila will be launched in three major U.S. markets, including New York, Los Angeles, and Miami, as well as in Mexico, with plans to expand nationally in 2006.

Editor’s note: Frida Kahlo was an alcoholic who drank a bottle a day of tequila. Unsurprisingly, some people are really pissed off about putting her on a liquor label. Via the always useful AdJab.

Edit: namja provides us with their inevitable ad slogan: “Tequila Frida Kahlo: It’ll put hair between your eyes.”