Category: Uncategorized

581% return

Maciej’s delicious links pointed to “How to transition to boyfriend status” with the very accurate tags: ugh howto self-help idiot sex

The “get a girl” self-help guru subculture is exactly the pyramid scheme “network marketing” subculture about sex instead of money. They’re all convinced that some foolproof scheme exists for acquiring the desired object: a beautiful woman. (Note: must be beautiful, preferably a professional model of some kind.) Once this formula is discovered and applied, women meeting their criteria will be attracted and compelled to submit to them. They live entirely in the world of the 13-year-old boy who knows that he wants to have an extremely hot woman, and that he cannot. This isn’t dating, it’s Weird Science.

Like the “network marketing” people, these maniacs always believe in their latest version of self-help sexual magick, which is entirely unlike all those others. Also like the pyramid schemers, they give each other authoritative advice in the complete absence of success even on their own unusual terms. The guy in the beat-up ’85 BMW who tells you he has the key to becoming a millionaire here presents himself as the quivering, porn-clutching misogynist with the sure-fire method for creating a supermodel out of old magazines and a flux capacitor.

A cheerfully annoying loon from my college days, a guy who loved to disrupt any political speech on campus with loud, disjointed heckling and wore a permanent disturbed clownlike grin, later morphed into “The Speed Seduction Guy”. I remember spitting out my drink in disbelief seeing him on TV sometime in the 90s pitching his “method”. OH NO WAY IT’S THAT GUY, OH MAN, HE’S SELLING WHAT?

What these poor bastards are after, of course, isn’t dating or even just sex. It’s power. Fortunately for them, the sorcery they’re practicing just reaps another $49.95 each time for the book and tape set, without the statue of the Commendatore showing up and dragging them off to Hell.

and our hair cut the wrong way

Cornmeal-crusted baked chicken breasts with black pepper; beet and tomato salad with garlic mayonnaise; steamed French beans with butter.

My cat is barking at me. I keep saying to her: WRONG ANIMAL.

atrustheotaku linked to the strangest book I’ve seen in a while, a turn of the century guide to some kind of jacked-up Japanese pidgin. My favorite page of his scans so far is the Review from the Native Press.

It’s so quiet in here I can hear my eyes moving like in a Ren & Stimpy cartoon.

Morning’s at 2 pm.

Omelette with mixed shredded cheeses, tomato, green salsa: yes.

Go the sports team of the one town! They are infinitely superior in both skill and sportsmanship to the team of the other town, and will surely prevail! Let us support the sports team of the one town, forever!

Cat on leg.

The shooter, a member of the Dumbass-American Community…

Sometimes the kids and their subcultures should be ignored. I mean, you know, your kid is gonna be a goth or something, it happens, they’re all angsty, and then they get their AA and learn drywall or something and just start drinking like you.

Or then there’s the other times, when the neo-nazi gaybashing satanic evil clown rap/metal stupidocrat ultraviolence culture they’re immersed in turns out to be for real.

FOOD

Growers Ranch had avocados for 59 cents each, tiny baby roma tomatoes, tiny pears, and other delights. I am now full of 1) steak with peppercorn sauce 2) wild blend rice 3) salad of baby tomatoes and avocado with green onion and vinegar/olive oil dressing.

Mmm.

Bird Attack.

The heron in the empty bath

Edit: It seems unlikely that this was a heron due to the rarity of white herons in this area. The editors egret the error.

A heron dived into my back yard this morning, ate both goldfish and a few of the mosquito-eater fish out of the pond, tried without success to walk out the back gate due to insufficient runway length, mesmerized the cat, and finally hopped on the roof and left. The rest of the photos are in the Heron Visit Flickr set

To Don’t List (slight return)

  • Going to IHOP during All-You-Can-Eat-Pancakes promotion and eating three servings of pancakes after being on a low-calorie, low-carbohydrate regimen for two years
  • Trying — several times — to remove a contact lens from your left eye when the lens is in fact not there.
  • Mixing an underlying neurologic injury, resultant ADD-like and emotional pathologies, long-term personality and character issues, three psychiatric medications including a stimulant, and two dangerous sites for neurofeedback all in the same month
  • Listening to Devo and Neil Young duetting on “Hey Hey My My” from the soundtrack to Human Highway. (Only made 3:14 into a 9:43 track, and friends can testify that my tolerance for funnypain bad music is very, very high)
  • Putting some dark brown curry spice powder in a peanut butter jar that was then placed next to the other peanut butter jar containing the actual dark brown peanut butter

Homeland security for kids

http://www.ready.gov/kids/

Our attention was strayed. While we were pursuing disorganized and almost harmless Islamist terror cells around the world, the furries were quietly infiltrating the most secret and sensitive offices in the government. We have moles. Also cougars, wolves, skunks, and a shitload of foxes.

Deep beneath the Blue Bayou restaurant in Disneyland, a brain in a jar is being lowered into an immensely powerful biomechanical cyborg Mickey Mouse character. The day of reckoning is near when He will lift up His glove-like hand and the Yiffening will begin.

HOW WERE WE SO BLIND?