Category: Uncategorized

But what about the Kottonmouth Kings?

I get the best anon comments. Today’s reader mail:

ok ICP N juggalo$ iN geNeral r the oNly ppl with ballz enough 2 $ay wat they have 2 $ay. N they aiNt a baNd! N if they r $o bad theN they wouldNt have made $o much fukiN mmoNey N they got famou$ from lo$erz like u who bad mouth them $o go ahead keep talkiN yo $hit cuz thatz wat makez them famou$. but u $hould really li$teN to their mu$ic b4 u talk $hit ok. thanx MMFCL haha

From this post: http://substitute.livejournal.com/446376.html?style=mine

ITEMS.

  1. This is me at 80, I hope: Young@Heart does Sonic Youth. Wow. Courtesy la_lisa They also do a fairly amazing “Fix You” by Coldplay, and I don’t even like Coldplay.

    Young@Heart’s website is at http://www.youngatheartchorus.com/. They also have a myspace page like everyone else in music. edit: url fixed thanks to salome_st_john

  2. Speaking of music, in my dream last night a country band did a fine version of Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades” and now it’s stuck in my head. How did I get an earworm of something that doesn’t exist? It’s like trinnit‘s description of hell: being deaf and having the Super Mario theme in your head.
  3. I’d like to wish everyone a happy Listmas! This is the very special time of year when journalists of all kinds, but especially entertainment writers, turn in lists instead of articles and go on vacation. Two representative examples are Pitchfork’s Top 50 Albums and Rolling Stone’s equivalent. I suggest throwing out publications during December. Also, you’re reading one now. Ha!
  4. I’m having a blissfully stress-free “holiday season” because I followed Stimps’ Best Advice Ever: don’t watch TV. That’s where all the bad messages come from. If you don’t watch the television, the “season” is just some good food and maybe giving someone a book you think they’d enjoy.
  5. Pescadou is doing up New Year’s really well. I think my mom and I are going to go to the earlier and cheaper seating of their prix fixe, which is $52 a person for three courses. Any one else interested? It’s a 6 pm ish thing. Their second seating is later and $80 for five courses and that’s too much money and food for me.
  6. The Rules of Engagement have been expanded to cover destruction on sight of SUVs with wreaths on the front. Please make a note of it.

Wouldn’t have had much fun in Stalingrad

vanmojo alerted me to something very special about this year’s Rose Parade. For those outside the US, the Rose Parade is a huge New Year’s Day event connected with the Rose Bowl college football game. Corporations make giant floats, high school bands march, and it goes on forever.

Because 2007 will be the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, George Lucas will be the grand marshal. And also because of this, the 501st Legion will be marching in the parade.

charity stormtroopersHaving a lot of Star Wars stuff in the parade sounds cool. Maybe some of the actors from the original movie, or a bunch of wookies. But no. This will be a large gathering of the Imperial Stormtroopers marching by in review.

The 501st has a long and hilarious history of charity appearances, each of which is more like an Onion article than the others. And they’re just costumed nerds, I know.

So I guess it’s perfectly fine to have the brutal, oppressive cannon fodder minions of the dark Empire marching proudly in our parade. You know, the ones who kill and burn Luke’s family at the beginning of the original movie. And it’s totally cool also to have a group named after the Nazi murderers who slaughtered millions of innocents in a horrific war of aggression, carrying out the most notorious genocide in the history of mankind. In fact, it should be awesome!

No wait, it’s that other thing: shockingly ignorant and offensive!

Someone please tell me this is a long drawn-out prank by Mel Brooks. Please.

Edit:Lucas’ extensive ripoffs from The Triumph of the Will just aren’t helping here either. Pasadena is the new Nuremberg.

Letter to the OC Weekly that will not be published

Dear The OC Weekly:

Please reboot your paper. You have maybe 3 or 4 good writers left: Arellano, Moxley, Schou. Ziegler’s Meltzer riff on Matt McCluer was good last week. The rest is painful: a depressing and irresponsible guide to holiday drinking, a Social Distortion tribute band, a review of a Paul Frank party, a botched mess of a feature that should have been excellent about the Asian sex mystique, and the worst circle-jerk of solipsistic first-person journalism ever seen. Reading the Weekly now is watching a party clique amuse themselves and each other. One friend of mine suggests that each feature should be indexed to its corresponding episode of “Arrested Development.”

There is a spanish phrase “verguenza ajena” which means “pain on seeing the embarrassment of others.” It’s the cringe sensation, and we’re feeling it for you. Improve!

best,

top search results for my website this month

unicode sliderule
octopus people
mopportunity
determined bush
who invented the zodiac signs and how long have they been around?

Okay, the unicode sliderule is something I put up for torgo_x. And the mopportunity is from a Leisuretown caption. I’m worrierd about the Octopus People and the Determined Bush. I think the Manimals know I’m on to them and don’t want me to tell the President about the danger.