I elfed myself, and the results are on the elf yourself site here. My first try was a pretty boring Internet joke, so I decided to go back and do it for real.
If that link doesn’t work, I put the video online. Streaming is here: http://www.masculinehygiene.com/elf.html and download is here: http://www.masculinehygiene.com/d/m/elf.mov
substitute sent to me…
Get your own Twelve Days:
Once it’s completed in the spring, visitors will pass through a 40-foot-high glass entry cut in the shape of a cross and be greeted by a mechanical talking cow.
…but will it be GOLDEN?
Tommy’s now has a monster combo of: triple chili cheeseburger, chili cheese fries, and a 44 oz. Pepsi.
For reference purposes, their double and fries is pleasantly Too Much for a six foot 230 lb guy (me).
Phear.
A lot of pop music has stuttering in it, particularly rock ‘n’ roll. It sounds good with some songs, particularly if there’s some pressure or tension-and-release thing going on. A partial list is below.
The Who, “My Generation”
Talking Heads, “Psycho Killer”
David Bowie, “Changes”
BTO, “You Ain’t Seen Nothin Yet”
Huey Lewis, “Heart of Rock ‘n’ Roll”
George Thorogood “Bad to the Bone”
John Lee Hooker, “Stuttering Blues”
Guns ‘n’ Roses, “Welcome to the Jungle”
Elton John, “Benny and the Jets”
Beatles, “Back in the USSR” and “Birthday”
Eurythmics, “Ball and Chain”
I found other lists online but they were clearly incomplete and/or had stuff in them that was not stuttering at all.
More suggestions?
It says something funny and sad about me that when I have a drink or two I get all excited about compiling new versions of my software.
My grocery store had a 5 kg bar of Callebout chocolate for sale: $78.00 USD
I visited nickjb at the B&N tonight. The muzak was playing quietly inoffensive xmas stuff for a while, and then went into some French cabaret music. Nice 40s-style song. And then that song stayed on repeat. I think I heard it 15 times before I left. Hideous bananaphone experience.
Something is fucked with my government check and I haven’t got one since Nov. 8. I had to borrow money from my family; thank goodness they’re there.
I haven’t been able to read or write anything of substance for a while due to some odd ADD-like symptoms. Oddly I can read the new Pynchon; it just kind of flows through me pleasantly.
I turn 42 this week. Not much of interest there except my mom’s taking me to dinner at Pescadou on Friday. Mmm, Pescadou.
Outside the market tonight a madman was saying to another madman: “It’s like a lot of things in my life. I have these gifts, things like seeing into the future. And I have visions and realizations of a sexual nature. These things are hard for the others to understand.”
I think most of my problems could be solved with a bathtub of melted semi-sweet chocolate containing salome_st_john and a manatee. Make it so.
From torgo_x in another thread, the answer to the question: “What do those right-wing evangelicals want, anyway?”:
~ What they want ~
They wanna meet the President of Jesus and tour the Holiness Factory and all the oompa loompas are wearing nice suits and smiling and it looks like a set from Dynasty on the TV except it’s real, and then James Baker runs up and gives them a kissykiss and everyone giggles, and everyone gonna getta big chocolate Jesus with magic gold USA flag wrapper yaaay.
Then all sortsa Jewwwws and gayinese commniststs and Alkalaidas show up and say “gawwd, we were so… [sobbing] SO WRONG! And you were right! SUPERSORRY!” and there’s hugging and crying and Dr Phil is there to make sure it’s all very solemn/joyous. Except the Alkalaini, he goes “yalalala” and hits his detonator button, ohno! But his chestbomb thing comically goes “PFFFT!”, and he cries and runs away all spazzy and everyone laughs at him REALLY LOUD. (The Oompa Loompas will catch him and lynch him. Applause.)
Then everyone gets a gift bag of “victory swag” and they’re all instantly [special effect!] wearing the clever “GOT JESUS???” etc t-shirts. So from now on, everyone will treat them like they’re smart and popular! And the air conditioning never breaks.
And one of the ‘Loomps gives a happy speech and everyone smiles and claps.
And then it’s off to a special advance screening of Apocalypto!!
In an aquarium full of lube. Forever. 
Subject: Camels, Toilets and Other Funusual Gifts from Oxfam!
FUNUSUAL?
I immediately hear Tom Jones singing “It’s not funusual to be starving in a waaaar…”
Be My Blog 
