Tag: no

ho-bot

I have been contacted by a fembot on MySpace. This one appears to either be an especially hard-working sweatshop typist or a semi-broken robot. I’m not willing to investigate further so the Turing test will not be done.

There’s no photo, which strikes me as a terrible mistake. Anyone who would go for something this idiotic needs a photo. I do have something in common with the robot, though. I love to have fun, too!

Hey Conrad!

I don’t mean to bother you.. I just moved out here around Newport Beach for work a couple of weeks ago. It sucks cuz I don’t know AnYBoDY out here ;(. My friends back home suggested I start a myspace and look for people in my area. I just started today so here I am! 😀

Well I’m lookin to meet a guy and you are pretty cute Hehe. About me… Well I’m 24, single, and I love to have fun. I’m into older men. Since you’re cute and 41, you fit the profile! LoL

I just started this myspace stuff today so my profile is pretty thin to say the least. If you wanna see some of my pix, I have a homepage @ houseofvicky.com/kris – there’s a bunch of photos and stuff… I also left you a PeRSoNaL message on the front page so come check it out k?

XoXo KriSty

More Marketing Prose! DNA

This stuff is on the Extinct Beverages page, so I guess it’s gone. It was water, with a little fruit flavoring, and 5% alcohol. Yeah. Its marketing website lives on, and says:

DNA: It’s Water with an Attitude! The world’s one and only alcoholic spring water.

I AM DNA

A refreshing combination of clear spring water, natural fruit flavor, with an alcohol level of 5%.

DRINK THIS

DNA explodes onto the beverage market. The wild child of alcoholic drinks will hijack your imagination. You don’t have to understand it. Just get on the ride.

BIG OPPORTUNITY

DNA launches its asault on North America in Spring of 2000. Alternative alcohol products have been the rage of lifestyle cities around the world. Thrill seekers and tastemakers in your market are eager to try DNA. It’s an “Australian original.” Go for it…with a vengeance!

I AM SERIOUS

The combined strengths of Wet Planet Beverage and Canadaigua Brands, Inc. will lead DNA among market movers and shakers. DNA will be pumpin’ with bar & club sampling programs along with consumer promotions. A mega-cool press campaign is sure to prompt word-of-mouth and great demand!

The unspeakable lured by the unreadable

I try not to to be too hard on hack writers most of the time. It’s hard to make a living in journalism, and a lot of jobs are at boring and stultifying industry house organs or shilltalk ad rags. These are people who wanted to be ink-stained front page reporters or film critics and they get to write about aluminum foil or fabulous getaway weekends. Sometimes, though, they cross a line. This piece, from a credit card company’s luxury travel magazine, is… well, I’ll pay you a quarter if you read the whole thing straight through. It’s for our local South County seaside resort, and the writers decided that instead of the usual luxury porn template that bored them so, they’d use an alternative literary form for thier puff piece: A film script! Because that’s what they really wanted to do anyway.

THE SCRIPT

and this just in

Shamyce Nathaniel would like to let me (whom she thinks is named Rollin Keaton) know that:

Love isn’t just for the smart of talented, but for all the amimals God created

I’m glad that’s working out for your, Shamyce, but I didn’t really need to know about the illiterate bestiality on Planet Halflife. Keep it to yourself next time, will ya?

best,

Rollin

Bacon Swiss Breasts (natural)

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Bacon Swiss Breasts (natural), originally uploaded by conradh.

I’m glad that at least one fast food chicken sandwich has not given in to the fad and had its breasts augmented.

I think I speak for all of us when I say: cosmetic surgery on bacon swiss crispy chicken must stop.

AREA MORONS ADVISE PANIC

Seattle residents: Please blow up KING-TV and everyone quoted in this article. Thanks. Courtesy do_not_lick:

The secret online code that keeps parents in the dark

10:50 PM PDT on Wednesday, May 10, 2006

LORI MATSUKAWA / KING 5 News

Sixteen-year-old Niles Jeran uses “leet speak,” an online lingo system that’s popular with kids. His friends use it too.

“I can see why parents would be worried just because it could, it can lead to danger,” he said.

“LOL” for “laughing out loud” and “TTYL” for “talk to ya later” sound innocent enough, but if you look behind some other acronyms, there could be something sinister.

“I can see why parents would be worried just because it could, it can lead to danger,” said Jeran.

Here’s why they’re worried:

– “KPC“ means “keeping parents clueless.”

– “POS” means “parent over the shoulder.”

– “GYPO” means “get your pants off.”

– “TDTM” means “talk dirty to me.”

“If you see that on your child’s screen they’re talking to somebody they shouldn’t be,” said Al Kush of Seattle-based WiredSafety.org, an Internet safety Web site for parents and teens.
Resources

Wiredsafety.org

Teenangels.org

NetLingo Internet dictionary

NoSlang.com

Parentsedge.com

He says some leet speak is harmless, but some like TDTM is a red flag.

“That could be the first step towards blackmailing to get a kid to perform sex acts,” he said.

“NIFOC is one of the terms they will sometimes use and it means ‘naked in front of computer,’” said Kush.

And leet speak gets even sneakier. Some words replace letters with numbers and symbols.

“There are too many predators out there that could endanger their kids’ lives or could sexualize them too early by sending unwanted messages and pictures and things like that and Leet speak is just a gateway to all of that,” said family therapist Barbara Melton.

Some counselors even specialize in internet issues like this.

Susan Shankle counseled one family whose young daughter started a steamy online affair right in front of them.

“While the mom was cooking dinner and the dad was watching television, the daughter, who was 11 at the time, was carrying on this conversation with this older man,” she said.

And her parents constantly checked the messages, too.

There is a way to learn the lingo, and that’s by going online yourself. There are Web sites with online dictionaries and translators to help, like Teenangels.org or Netlingo.com.

Wiredsafety.org operates the Teenangels.org site. There, they offer a chat translator to help parents learn the lingo.

Wiredsafety says some parental control software may also help.