Tag: myspace

anointomatic

The ANOINTED WARRIOR wants to be my FRIEND.

He’d also like me to view his VIDEO CHALLENGES if I’m a satanist or have an extensive porn collection (Admiral Kragg).

I think God told him to skin me alive. He has glowing eyes and a sword. The churches I’ve visited have waged spiritual warfare with bible studies that included cookies, which always seemed more effective than the whole glowing-eyes-and-sword thing, but maybe this works for him.

The shtick would work better if all this guy’s friends weren’t heavy metal musicians, dominatrices, art atheists and media Jews. But it’s still funny.

SO I’VE BEEN BROWSING MYSPACE TONIGHT

I’VE FOUND OUT A LOT OF STUFF, OKAY.

FIRST OF ALL I CAN GET UPSCALE ACCESS TO PROMOTIONAL EVENTS AND PARTIES THROUGH UPSCALE ACCESS BECAUSE THEY ARE MY HOOKUP TO THE SCENE. THE SCENE IS WHERE YOU TO TO RESTAURANTS HERE IN TOWN AND PAY EXTRA AND THERE ARE DRUNK BLONDE WOMEN THERE WITH SPRAY ON TANS. THE MEMBERSHIP IN UPSCALE ACCESS IS SO EXCITING TO THESE WOMEN THAT QUITE A FEW OF THEM ARE SEEN LICKING THE MEMBERSHIP CARDS OR STROKING THEIR CLEAVAGE WITH THE CARDS AND SEEM VERY HAPPY DOING THIS. I AM NOT SURE HOW THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM JUST GOING TO A RESTAURANT AND HAVING SOME SEX AFTERWARDS BUT I GUESS IT’S PRETTY GOOD.

I ALSO LEARNED THAT THE MAJORITY OF NEW MYSPACE MEMBERS TONIGHT ARE YOUNG WOMEN WHO HAVE JUST GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND WANT TO MEET FUN PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY’RE NEW IN TOWN. WHAT’S WEIRD IS THAT THEY ALL LOOK LIKE 30-YEAR-OLD PROFESSIONAL BIKINI MODELS. MAYBE HIGH SCHOOL IS DIFFERENT NOW, I DUNNO.

I LEARNED THAT SOME GUY FOR REASONS OF HIS OWN IS MAKING PROFILES FOR THE ENTIRE 1995 GRADUATING CLASS OF CORONA DEL MAR HIGH SCHOOL WITH THE REAL NAMES AND PICTURES OF THOSE PEOPLE PROBABLY WITHOUT TALKING TO THEM FIRST. THAT’S GOING TO BE A PARTY BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL ABOUT THE AGE TO BE GRADUATING FROM LAW SCHOOL ABOUT NOW AND I THINK MAYBE THEY WON’T LIKE THIS SO MUCH.

OH AND ONE OTHER THING THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED ULTRA LOUNGE NOW. IT LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR DISCO EXCEPT IT HAS TECHNO MUSIC ON A LOOP AND THE DRINKS ARE TEN DOLLARS. I AM NOT SURE WHY IT’S AN ULTRA LOUNGE BECAUSE THE PICTURES ARE JUST OF DRUNK PEOPLE OR BOOTH BABES FROM THE TRADE SHOW IN MINIDRESSES BUT MAYBE THERE ARE SOME REALLY GOOD LOUNGE TYPE CHAIRS IN THE PLACE THAT ARE SUPER COMFORTABLE.

IT WAS REALLY TIRING READING ABOUT THE ULTRA LOUNGES AND THE BIKINI MODELS AND ALL THE ENERGY DRINKS AND PROMOTIONS AND STUFF. I THINK THESE PEOPLE MUST BE A LOT MORE COMMITTED TO AN UPSCALE LIFESTYLE THAN I AM BECAUSE IT SORT OF WORE ME OUT JUST LEARNING ALL THIS NEW STUFF.

ALSO WHEN I WAS BROWSING THROUGH THE PEOPLE ON MYSPACE I SAW THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUNCH OF THOSE 30 YEAR OLD BIKINI MODELS WHO JUST GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL:

Myspace

Their “friends” setup is bizarrely broken. You can’t see anything but photo and their chosen “display name,” so you don’t know who some people are after a few months when they change their pic to Woody Woodpecker and start calling themselves Antonin Artaud.

I find myself thinking “Who is Potatoes O’Brien?” or “Not only is this woman not Audrey Hepburn, but I don’t know anyone who lives in Macon, Georgia. WTF?”

Then it gets funnier with email. Today I forwarded something and saw how that works; you get the list of display names from which to choose. Two of my friends chose the same one, it being their first name. So I didn’t know whether I was forwarding to turnip or salome_st_john. Fortunately they have similar senses of humor so I just sent it to both.

It’s strange how many recently-built human artifacts are like ancient fucked-up things that Just Somehow Happened.

ho-bot

I have been contacted by a fembot on MySpace. This one appears to either be an especially hard-working sweatshop typist or a semi-broken robot. I’m not willing to investigate further so the Turing test will not be done.

There’s no photo, which strikes me as a terrible mistake. Anyone who would go for something this idiotic needs a photo. I do have something in common with the robot, though. I love to have fun, too!

Hey Conrad!

I don’t mean to bother you.. I just moved out here around Newport Beach for work a couple of weeks ago. It sucks cuz I don’t know AnYBoDY out here ;(. My friends back home suggested I start a myspace and look for people in my area. I just started today so here I am! 😀

Well I’m lookin to meet a guy and you are pretty cute Hehe. About me… Well I’m 24, single, and I love to have fun. I’m into older men. Since you’re cute and 41, you fit the profile! LoL

I just started this myspace stuff today so my profile is pretty thin to say the least. If you wanna see some of my pix, I have a homepage @ houseofvicky.com/kris – there’s a bunch of photos and stuff… I also left you a PeRSoNaL message on the front page so come check it out k?

XoXo KriSty

Why I’m still on myspace, or: bulletin of the day

From: Hastur

Date: May 20, 2006 1:38 PM
Subject: Coming soon to a bulletin near you!
Body: In consultations with various worthies who attempt to peer beyond the veils of your universe and into the next (all in vain), I, the benevolent Hastur, have decided to begin an expose’ of otherworldly existence for your edification.

Each week Hastur will take you to a different corner of the dark cosmos. Thus you may puruse and be enlightened about some of the most ancient and benighted secrets that mankind has not even the slightest inkling of concering their true nature.

See where the Outer Gods and Great Old Ones work dilligently at their “day jobs”. Finally learn the shocking, mind-numbing truth concerning the creation of your universe, how it works, and why you are all here.

Summer independent study course credit at your institutions of higher learning will be offered, if you can convince the sloping, apelike foreheads who run your schools to accept it.

Your money cheerfully refunded (keep your receipts) if not delighted.

Sincerely,
Hastur the Unspeakable

Mail order alien bride on myspace

From: irin [no photo]
Subject: Hello!!

Hello!!!!
I want will get acquainted with male.
I saw your structure and you have very much interested me.
I very much would like to find out about you more.
It would be very pleasant for me if you will write on mine email: irin-73@mail.ru
I shall look forward to hearing from you.
Irina.

just another sucka on da vine

This wants to be my myspace friend:

Konnected Inc was established in January 2004, based out of Irvine California. The company’s main objective is to plan, promote and operate specific events for businesses looking to increase traffic, build awareness, create a steady flow of sales, promote an image and deliver a message.

Konnected Inc specializes in promoting, but not limited to, nightly entertainment, focusing mainly on dance/night clubs in Orange County and surrounding areas.

. Okay, DJ company, typical. I browse around looking at their leadership.

I find Steve. Steve lists his location on myspace as “Da Vine, OC”. Has anyone else here ever seen the city of Irvine referred to as “Da Vine”? I am familiar with “Da Bronx”, and “The LBC”, and “The Downs” and “The Gardens” in Watts. I’ll even accept “The OC” because we all called it that as a joke long before the TV show.

“Da Vine” just has to fucking go, though, Steve. I was going to post a picture of Steve, but all pictures of 20-something suburban kids throwing gang signs or the “shocker” are the same, whether they are with augmented party babes or not. I will point out that one of his pictures is at a suburban baby shower, though, and it looks genuine and kind of sweet.