bloated corpse

I own an HP color inkjet printer that also scans and copies. It’s handy and well-made.

Today I had to update the driver software to fix some bugs.

The download was 200 megabytes.

The uncompressed installation itself was over 400 megabytes.

There was no “custom install” option of less components, only the “default install” of every damned thing.

I had to opt out of their Customer Participation thing which is a daemon that runs constantly telling HP what’s going on.

I had to opt out of instant registration, and then opt out of both a reminder on next login and a dock item that would remind me to register. I also had to opt out of instant registration on the web.

Finally, it shat two useless items on my dock, the photo sharing app and the “device manager” app, that I will use maybe twice a year if at all.

The driver itself is tiny.

I DIDN’T WANT FINS, CHROME, AND FINE COREEEENTHIAN LEATHER ON MY GODDAMNED PRINTER DRIVER.

Edit: I had to buy black ink, which I did on Amazon. HP Ink. One cartridge, high quality, 660 pages: $18. Two cartridges bundled, lower quality, 480 pages each: $33. Math is hard.

L’ordinateur ne marche pas

The MacBook developed one of those great Permanent Vertical Lines on its display this evening. It’s a shimmering kind of emerald green a fifth of the way over from the right.

This means that I will have to spit ‘n’ shine up the laptop and remove the memory I put in it so I can go into the Apple Store and play “don’t ask don’t tell” about the fact that I actually use the thing, because the “geniuses” are instructed to deny service by any means necessary including mockery and insinuations of sabotage. If I have any luck, they’ll agree to fix it instead of declaring that I must have thrown it off the back of a horse because my wrist sweat corroded the unobtainium finish.

I’m tired of broken stuff. Especially when it’s stuff I need to survive, like wheels on my car or the only tool of my trade, and especially when it’s still in its prime and way before any problems are “expected.”

Grump!

Support Ticket #43942 (P0) (Network)

Folks,

Could someone in I.T. take a look at Diane’s PC. She’s out on vacation this week, but it’s been acting funny and no one on 8 West can print. Also, we stranded tens of thousands of people for a whole day and brought international travel to a halt and caused worldwide news. Whenever you stop by 8 West next could you check her pc? thanks

Guys if you could look at this right now it would be great.

(AP) LOS ANGELES The source of last weekend’s system breakdown at Los Angeles International Airport has been traced to a malfunctioning network interface card on a single desktop computer.

U.S. Customs officials say the card — — which allows computers to connect to a local area network — experienced a partial failure around 12:50 p.m. Saturday that had a domino effect with other computer network cards.

A total system failure occurred a little after 2 p.m., leaving more than 17,000 inbound international travelers stranded in the terminal or on airplanes because authorities were unable to screen them.

The malfunction prompted city and state leaders to request briefings and reports from customs and aviation officials.

The system was up and running again by 4 a.m. Sunday, but experienced a second 80 minute outage late Sunday into early Monday, which was blamed on a power supply failure.

This sums up my work for the next few days

Jerkcity translated to Japanese and back doesn’t really change the horror of configuring a backup system, it just provides more of the emotional experience associated with the task.

MASTER 113 # /USR/AMANDA/JT – U? XC0D610 ZC0D610: THE LOAD TO ZLOT THE CARTRIDGE? BUT YOU DID NOT OPEN FILEZ, (CV1): CORRECTION 3 OF UNIT 0. 10.5 SECONDS (461904 BYTES/S) 8543515 BYTES WHICH ARE RECEIVED 4.4 EVERYTHING WHY OBTAINED CLIENTZ, THE PEARL /HOME/FTP/MN WHICH IS GIVEN (/HOME/WEB/NM TO ZIMILAR) THINK THE BOOK CORRECTING OF BYTES/S WHICH IS SHOWN WITH THE FAILURE OF RPC WHERE THE RANGE NIZ.COM WAS NOT DIVIDED IN DOUBT, – CLNTUDP_CREA

I really like, especially, the fact that I’m making a tape machine do possibly irreversible things fifty miles away.

dell.

I’m getting a dualcore pentium desktop box from them. Nice fast processor, 2 gig of ram, lotta disk. About a grand and no interest on the loan. It’s a good deal, especially since I’m replacing a nine year old computer with one that’s likely to be overpowered for my needs as a headless linux box for the next nine years. No monitor, no speakers, no “productivity software” or anything like that.

The things you can’t opt out of are funny. Everything is a part number, even if it’s just a marketing bullet point, probably because their computer system was set up to demand that, so my order included the following

Order Group Quantity Item Description
1 1 420-5769 Internet Search and Portal
1 1 420-3224 Broadband Icon for Inspiron
1 1 983-2207 Thank You for buying Dell

are this how i am buying computer machine

Dear Lazyweb:

I may need to buy/build a new linux box soon, for home server use. So, I probably need to get an x86 box because I don’t want the new hobby of making PPCLinux replace the iggy box on the blue G3. Therefore, I need either to buy a prebuilt system or all the parts in a sack so I can screw them together.

I don’t need:

great graphics
sound
gamer anything
windows anything

I do need:

hardware that plays nice with recent linux
a decent processor, preferably dualcore
lots of RAM
good I/O so I’m not always horking because the disk is running
good cooling features
expandibility for drives and cards
ports ports, ports, ports

I might end up just doing a Dell BYO box because I have credit with them and I’d never pay interest on their plan, it’s no interest for 18 months. I’m sure I’d be paying extra because brand name, but I also get 6% off and no shipping cost there because of a corporate deal. It won’t be perfect and it’ll be about $1800 for what I want to do, but it will be on payment and done.

But If someone has a preferred vendor for this kind of thing or a suggestion of how to do this way better for way cheaper, I’d be delighted. What I don’t want is to go to Fry’s, or spend six weeks nerdinating learning all about exactly the best combination to get 0.05% more efficiency. I’m going to upgrade from a 300MHz Gateway Pentium II box from 1997 that’s been doing good service for years, so I don’t need my edge to cut much less bleed.

i dumped the leisuretown lines onna webpage

Mostly so I could giggle at them on the sidekick, but here they are

http://www.masculinehygiene.com/leisure.html

I CALL THEM ONLINE CYBERTOONZ!!! UPDATED EACH MONDAY!!! wheeze, choke
Hint: ASTERISKS REALLY **LEAP** OUT AND MAKE POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS GIVE A SHIT
JESUS CHRIST – JUST CLEAR THE BUFFER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
MY CD PLAYER IS SQUEAKING AND SQUAWKING LIKE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONCEPT OF A “MODEM WIZARD”
WHY YES!!! I’D LOVE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR FANTASY BASKETBALL TEAM!!!

and many, many other hits

the story of project management! for kids.

When I was a young child in the long-ago 1970s, computers were used for something called Data Processing.

Data Processing was done with large machines the size of cars or at least major appliances. In order to make use of it, a customer would bring a problem to a person called a Systems Analyst, who would help the customer understand how Data Processing might help. Then the customer and the Systems Analyst would come up with a plan on how to get the customer’s work done.

The Systems Analyst would bring the customer’s problem into the Data Processing place, and give it to computer programmers. Along with other helpful people called Punch Card Clerks and Computer Operators, the programmers would produce software that helped the customer.

After that, when the customer had more data to be processed, it could be dropped off at the Data Processing place, where the Punch Card Clerks would put data in the software, and the Computer Operators would make sure the machines worked, and then finally the data would be all processed and given back to the customer in a neatly rubber-banded set of printouts on fanfold paper.

In the 1990s it was discovered that everything had changed. A customer could often mash fingers on keys and make the data process right there at the desk, without visiting the Data Processing people. Computers were interactive and talked right back to people, so that dropping off data and picking up printouts wasn’t necessary. And worst of all, customers could talk directly to programmers, it was discovered, and tell them what they wanted, and these new quick interactive computers could give results very fast. The programs were then given to the customers who took them off and used them in their own offices.

So the Punch Card Clerks and the Computer Operators and the nice person at the desk who took the data and gave back the printouts were no longer useful, and they had to go home and stop working at the Data Processing place.

Worst of all, the Systems Analysts lost their jobs too. They were expensive people, since almost all of them were old programmers with experience who had been promoted. They were all fifty years old and not retrainable and didn’t know much about PC computers or other new things. Their entire function had been removed, and suddenly their $60K jobs vanished. So all the System Administrators went home from the empty Data Processing places and sat in their imitation redwood veneered dens in their suburban homes and stared at the wall and drank highballs and then shot themselves in the head with large-caliber handguns.

It turns out that the computer programmers shouldn’t talk to customers after all. They are very optimistic people, for whom everything is almost done all the time. They often refuse to finish things or write down how they work. And they can be mean and weird and not very easy to understand, so that customers become frightened and angry and don’t want to talk to the optimistic people who don’t finish things and snort a lot and wear fedoras indoors. Things like this happened during the 1990s a lot, and many customers didn’t want to have any software if they had to talk to the computer programmers. It was time to bring back Systems Analysts. But they were all dead, because they had shot themselves in the head with large caliber handguns in their imitation redwood veneer dens.

So we have Project Managers now. They are different from Systems Analysts in that they are 30 years old instead of 50, they do not live in imitation redwood paneled dens, and they never did know how to program computers. They drive VW Passats and smoke marijuana and use lots of buzzwords, and they are very good at making customers feel comfortable. Many of them enjoy jam band music and are engaged to people named Chad or Alyssa. They do a lot of the same things the Systems Analysts did, so that the customers get their software but don’t have to talk to the programmers after all, because that was a bad idea. They tell the programmers when things have to be done, figure out on their own how long things will take, and dress much better than the programmers.

And that’s the story of how Project Managers were made.