Category: Uncategorized

Life in These Here Now United States: My First Night in Kansas City

In 1997 I got a contract job working for Sprint in Kansas City. I’d never done out of town contracting, but this was attractive: good money for work I find easy, in an inexpensive town. I set off for a cross-country drive on Interstate 40 at a leisurely pace, stopping for the night in Flagstaff and again in Tucumcari, NM. After a long day of 80 mph in the rain and mud and cowshit up Highway 54, I arrived in the late evening at my destination.

I’d plotted out an inexpensive motel on the north side of town for the night, since I was moving into an apartment the next day. Of course I got lost. Since KC is surrounded by a ring road I went around the city a couple of times, got off on the south side instead of the north, wandered various neighborhoods, got back on the ring road, and finally stopped for gas and directions late at night in a North Kansas City service station.

The night guy at the gas station was probably no more than 25, but was missing several teeth and had a worn look to him. His skin was at once greasy and dry, and he sat like potatoes in a huge black sweatshirt. He had two knives on his belt and stank of cigarettes. He was delighted to meet me, especially when he found out I was from California. After giving me (accurate) directions to the motel, he explained himself.

“I really want to get out to California. I’m about half saved and then I’m gonna go west.”

“What’re you going to do there?”

“I’m a biker. I got to get into one of those biker gangs out West, the Angels. You know the Angels.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“It’s my dream, man. I want to ride with those guys. And I really like the violence. I want to fight, you know, I wanna stomp someone.” He smiled at me with the innocent toothless mouth of an infant.

“Damn. That’s, uh, kinda hardcore.”

“Damn right. I’m Italian, I got Mafia in my blood. I want to get in it. You know, out West it’s for real, those guys. I gotta get there and prove myself.”

“You know,” I said, “California is a lot more expensive than here unless you’re in the middle of nowhere.”

He pointed to his eyes. “I know, and I’m ready. I can take care of myself. I can do a job here and there, you know. I’ll always survive. I just got to get where the action is.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to the guy. “Well, take care of yourself, man. I hope you do okay.”

He flashed that wonderful grin again. “Hey, no worry! I’m headed there and I’m gonna kick some fuckin’ ASS!”

He shook my hand, welcomed me to Kansas City, and sent me cheerfully on my way. Nicest wannabee murderer I ever met.

IT’S LIKE A SUNDAE BUT IT’S MADE OF MEAT

sundaeThe sundae is compiled of cubes of grilled steak, layered with cheesy mashed potatoes and warm barbecue sauce. And just for giggles, a surprise sprinkling of Pop Rocks will be sure to please. Need more convincing? Let Dawn Thurmau convince you via mp3 below:

“Then on the top you put your chunks of steak with another little dollop of mashed potatoes and then a cherry tomato on the very top with some green onions. So it looks just like a chocolate sundae, but tastes like an open-face roast beef sandwich,”

“It adds the color and then, of course, the sensation on your tongue. And the fun thing about pop rocks is they don’t have such a strong flavor so you really don’t notice that there’s candy in it,” Thurnau said.

Thanks, Missouri Beef Industry Council! I’m gonna stuff my face with beef, mashed potatoes, and Pop Rocks right now!

Thanks, trinnit! For this buttular update.

Soft drink lodged in man

A 38-year-old Lincoln man showed up at BryanLGH Medical Center West on Monday, claiming he had been assaulted last week, police said Tuesday.

The man told hospital staff he was in the area of 28th and P streets Thursday when someone punched him in the head from behind and kicked him when he fell.

He said he temporarily lost consciousness and came to, only to find his pants down to his ankles.

An X-ray at the hospital Monday revealed a 20-ounce soft drink bottle lodged in the man’s lower intestine. He was to have it removed Tuesday.

source url

As Dan Savage would say, HOW’D THAT HAPPEN?

O tempura! O morays!

  1. Old school artpunk/noise/guitar band Mission of Burma has a site for their next album, The Obliterati that includes a wiki, a song-by-song revelation of the new record, and links to Matador’s subscription setup. Snazzy!
  2. Surprise! If the drug company funds the story, they get the result they want a lot of the time. Meanwhile the more effective medication is out of patent and not used. Oops.
  3. When a person becomes a millionaire, some things just have to change. The shoes. The house. The car. The spouse. And, of course, the email service. I wonder how much they’ll charge for the list of 10,000 people who paid $400 a month for webmail? Talk about an ultimate sucker list.
  4. Watch Hugo Chavez bitch out Dubbya in broken English (.wmv video). Streaming quicktime mirror on my site as well.
  5. As jwz said, if you are a compulsive knot untier, this game will eat you. You’re welcome!

bife bife bife

Argentina on Two Steaks a Day

steak

“Steaks here are ridiculous – not so much in diameter, since they rarely overhang the plate by more than an inch or two – but in thickness, having roughly the proportions of an American canned ham. But what the Argentines have really mastered is flavor. Strange cuts of meat that would be ground into flavorless paste up north come to your table here infused with a delicious texture and flavor, provided they are cooked right. And they are invariably cooked right. The waiters are solicitous about asking (in English) how you want your meat done, but if you let them make the call, you get a two-inch thick of meat that transitions seamlessly from carbon to bright pink and back.”