Candidate’s Statement

I am proud to represent Orange County and I hope that you, the citizens, will return me to my legislatorial chair this year. As a long-time resident of our residential areas I have pursued a bottoms-up form of communication that extends the grass roots into the statehouse.

This year I have concenterated on domestic issues close to those which threaten our families. At the implementation level I have implemented the Dairy Protein Extension Act which allows low-income families to substitute edible pork plasma-based nondairy dairy products. I was a co-sponsor with Senator Diebold on H.R. 3331, the 2006 Picket Fences Act, otherwise known as “Tom Sawyer’s Law.” Together we’ve made a big step towards ending the whitewashing.

I am proud to say that I have visitated many businesses in our business district and worn their hats. And I have heard what you say. You said: go back to Sacramento, and I did. In Sacramento I have sat on committees as well as in my office. I want to bring back to you the knowledge that we are having great meetings with some dynamic and forward-looking movers and shakers, and that the future still lies ahead.

Here are the key issues I’m facing for you today while sitting:

  • Toxic parricides in your water supply
  • No more rubber-stamping of pork barrels
  • Mandatory abstinence education for newlyweds
  • Appropriate taxation for refrigerator magnets
  • State-funded monotreme reserves
  • No more abortions in public libraries
  • Whither baleen?
  • Secure online dating
  • Restricting sex offender access to Garanimals
  • Federal notaries on all airline flights
  • Ending nepotism in the drywall industry once and for all

I hope you’ll join the Union Ironworkers, Ruth Buzzi, Opus Dei, and three out of four osteopaths in our osteopathic district in supporting my return to Sacramento this year.

The writing on the mirror

Either the bro dudes have noticed that the housing boom and their easy money days are ending, or someone just dumped a lot of cheap cocaine on the market around here. I have seen more coked-out 25-40 year old mortgage bro guys this week than in the six months previously. I mean really fucking HIGH AS A KITE, flying, twitchy and loud, eyeballs making Ren & Stimpy noises, inappropriate affect, sweating, jaw clenching, everything.

The last one I saw tonight was standing on Newport Blvd near 17th with a couple of other guys. He had that overly-tanned and haggard skin, sunglasses pushed up on hiss spiked hair, a coating of sweat on his face, and office dress shirt and pants. As I waited at the stoplight he suddenly tugged sharply on his shirt so that he seemed to rip a couple of buttons off, exposing the top part of his chest. Then he yelled at them: “Revenue. Revenue, revenue. REVENUE!” And then the light turned green and I drove away.

Election notice: Costa Mesa, CA

Attention all who are eligible to vote in Costa Mesa:

Your city council election is of international importance.

Please vote for Garlich and Scheafer and against Mansoor and Leece.

The choice is between typical Costa Mesa small-business conservatives, who are concerned with things like where to put roads and how many more athletic fields the city might need, and insane power-hungry racist demagogues who hang around with Minutemen and white supremacists and want to wage war on Mexicans.

Garlich and Scheafer are backed by the police and fire departments, the newspaper, the ex chiefs of the police and fire departments, and business people all over town. Mansoor and Leece are backed by Minutemen nuts, local neo-nazi Martin Millard, and lots of dubious out-of-town money.

Please vote. I don’t need a race war in the town next door. Thanks.

As goes the nation, goes the LA Weekly

The neocons take over in the expected putsch after the New Times bought them.

I assume the OC Weekly is on the list for the same treatment. Should be easier here, since finding someone who isn’t a right-wing loudmouth is nearly impossible.

Nothing is enough for these people. They’re not satisfied with owning the national news media outlets, the cable TV news, the newspapers, the magazines. They have to go after the free weeklies where seldom-read lefties tag along after the entertainment listings, and root that out too. It’s not like Harold Meyerson et al. were hugely influential — everyone reads a paper like that for the listings and the ads — but the Big Right-Wing Crusher Hand has to get everyone.

And now the New Times neo-con talk-radio-style tabloid monster has eaten almost all the notable free weeklies in the country.

These people want more than a voice. They want to reverse and destroy every single thing about the rebellion of the 1960s, go back and win every argument they lost about the war and Watergate and race and gender, eat and shit out every pop culture item that might contain subversion, and burn down the universities where their professors confused them with suspiciously foreign intellectualism.

Welcome to Talk Radio Nation: Boomer sell-outs, ignorant neo-cons, privileged post-literate suits, and their slaves.

Long live the LA City Beat.

Bluebeard’s door swings open

I briefly mentioned this the other night but it’s been bothering me. When I saw those drunk people ineptly pawing each other outside my friend’s place Saturday night, I had a realization. The woman was wearing the typical “grown-up” woman’s Halloween costume, which I call the “slutty noun.” Low-cut everything, fishnet stockings. It’s basically a Playboy Bunny outfit. That wasn’t the part the struck me, though. The man was wearing probably a pirate outfit, but I wasn’t sure. And that’s when it hit me.

Not only do the women dress as if they were available for instant sex, the men all dress as rapists.

The male costumes I saw were all some variant of this: soldier, pimp, pirate, “savage,” rapper, baller. Just about all the guys’ costumes I saw that night were a version of “permitted to rape.”

There’s your party. The women all dress as prostitutes and serving girls. The men all dress as rapists. And then they get drunk and play it out.

“Play” is where it goes for most people, and i’m not suggesting that everyone who dresses up goofy and has too many drinks is going to end up as a crime scene. I still don’t like it, though. You can have a lot of fun — and friends of mine did! — goofing around dressed as Borat or Log Lady or Cinderella or the Cookie Monster and enjoying the masquerade experience. If you’re going to play out a rape fantasy, though, it might be a good idea to know that beforehand and know who’s really down for that instead of just getting hammered and finding out.