Candidate’s Statement

I am proud to represent Orange County and I hope that you, the citizens, will return me to my legislatorial chair this year. As a long-time resident of our residential areas I have pursued a bottoms-up form of communication that extends the grass roots into the statehouse.

This year I have concenterated on domestic issues close to those which threaten our families. At the implementation level I have implemented the Dairy Protein Extension Act which allows low-income families to substitute edible pork plasma-based nondairy dairy products. I was a co-sponsor with Senator Diebold on H.R. 3331, the 2006 Picket Fences Act, otherwise known as “Tom Sawyer’s Law.” Together we’ve made a big step towards ending the whitewashing.

I am proud to say that I have visitated many businesses in our business district and worn their hats. And I have heard what you say. You said: go back to Sacramento, and I did. In Sacramento I have sat on committees as well as in my office. I want to bring back to you the knowledge that we are having great meetings with some dynamic and forward-looking movers and shakers, and that the future still lies ahead.

Here are the key issues I’m facing for you today while sitting:

  • Toxic parricides in your water supply
  • No more rubber-stamping of pork barrels
  • Mandatory abstinence education for newlyweds
  • Appropriate taxation for refrigerator magnets
  • State-funded monotreme reserves
  • No more abortions in public libraries
  • Whither baleen?
  • Secure online dating
  • Restricting sex offender access to Garanimals
  • Federal notaries on all airline flights
  • Ending nepotism in the drywall industry once and for all

I hope you’ll join the Union Ironworkers, Ruth Buzzi, Opus Dei, and three out of four osteopaths in our osteopathic district in supporting my return to Sacramento this year.

15 thoughts on “Candidate’s Statement

  1. How do you respond to allegations of fisting at the Moulton Niguel Water District?
    As an everyday voter who votes every day, I feel it’s time for a change of name. I will cast my e-vite for your opponent, the lesser good.

    1. Yeah, that’s right, you need a sports metaphor in there. And a little flag waving. Doesn’t matter which flag, actually. As long as it’s good and waved.

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