So, I did the SoCal thing today and crashed my car. Guy in front of me stopped, so did I, guy behind me didn’t, I got to be the cueball in a game of freeway billiards. Total cost to me is $30/day for a rental car for the next 2-3 weeks and maybe $1000 deductible, plus angst and rage and higher insurance. Fortunately no obvious people damage although god knows what I’ll feel like tomorrow, that double impact stuff sucks.

I am now the proud renter of an incredibly shitty bright red Neon. If I crash this thing I’m doomed, it’s made out of bubble wrap and rice paper and has four-wheel chopstick brakes and an engine that runs on baking soda & vinegar.

Death of a Hard Drive

Today I have had to eat: one glass milk, one small package Hostess Donettes (glazed). I believe I shall have a real dinner soon.

Notice to people crossing the street in front of my car. Please follow the bullet points below to avoid your death.

• Do not wave lamely while you step in front of me as I travel at 50 mph down Olympic Boulevard. I do not acknowledge your wave. I kill you in the head.
• Do not either trot across at barely over walking speed in front of me, in a corpulent and slack imitation of “running”. I do not acknowledge your symbolic hurrying that is not hurrying. I kill you in the head.
• Furthermore, do not do that exaggerated “girl running” thing that makes women or men look like a hilarious parody of a drag queen. It amuses me not, and it is not hurrying either. I kill you in the head.
• Do not attempt to use your baby carriage as a shield. The innocent will die with the guilty. See Laurie Anderson’s bit about french traffic and babies for full explanation.

The wonderlicious rock stylings of FERDINAND are once available to Los Angeles area hipsters. This Saturday night they play Taix Lounge in Echo park. FREE. More information is here.

I go back to 1985 with these people, especially with Greg (singer/guitarist) and Laura (bass player), whom I met doing college radio during the Spanish-American War or something. I really like their music, too, which makes things easier. They have a kind of Pixies/Gang of 4/Wilco/Minutemen kaboom pop thing going on with lots of rage about shitty jobs and hot days in the Valley. I’m proud to be their pal.

So go see them already. 🙂

Also: Cheese is made from milk!

current time: 0344 PDT

current place: the office

OH FUCK ME why do I have a job where I stay up all night? I really, really hate being tired. Especially when I’m just here waiting for other stuff to happen. It’s like being stuck in a horrible airport terminal for 16 hours, counting ceiling tiles, and occasionally having to run around tapping on keyboards.

I get paid pretty well and it’s a DAMN GOOD THING.

You are 74% geek

You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you’ll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you’re a technical geek, you’ll be able to afford it, too. If you’re not a technical geek, you’re geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don’t date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You’ll constantly try to out-geek the other.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Courtesy (if that’s the best word!) of brevity we have this article, which seems to indicate that our cheesy government and our cheesy TV hosts are converging in the true synergy of the early millennium: Govertainment.

If anyone needs me I’ll be screaming in my attic.

The Los Angeles County Health Department rates eating establishments on a letter grade system. Most of them get A’s, there are occasional B’s. Today, driving to work, I passed the FILIPINAS EXCHANGE MARKET which had received a C. I’m not sure I’d ever seen a C before. Even accounting for the fact that many Filipino specialty foods seem designed to terrify anglo health inspectors (balut, diniguan, etc) this appears extreme. What the hell do you have to do in order to get a C? Store your potato salad at 75 degrees Fahrenheit? Overhead salmonella sprayers? Ceviche de vacas locas? It’s terrifying.

Today’s Vehicle Spotting was an old beat up sentra driven by an aging gangsta, bumpersticker: NE1469? I don’t think so, P-Dogg.

How’s everyone enjoying the depression er recession er SLOWER RECOVERY THAN ANTICIPATED??

However, here is some utterly brilliant tasteless brilliant tasteless stuff.

I’m crying with laughter here. Many of the archives stories are by Tristan Farnon of jerkcity and Leisuretown fame.

Since turnip got her digital camera, mine has died, indicating that she is an evil witch.

This meant that I was not able to take a picture of the truck I saw on the freeway today which was owned by “McAnally Enterprises” of Yucaipa, CA.

HURF, BURF

1) Sixtyish man, scruffy gray hair, ray-ban sunglasses, driving van. Bumper sticker: FUNK AS PUCK.

2) Thirtysomething woman with spiky hair and thick glasses, driving beat-up old pickup truck. Two bumperstickers: THIS CHICK HAULS ASS and MISKATONIC UNIVERSITY: GO PODS!

3) Old Ford Falcon or similar vehicle driven by wacky woman with dyed red hair and huge glasses, indeterminate age. License plate close to KRZY KAT. Tie hanging out of trunk.