Thanks for joining us on this conference call! We’ve heard that you’re very creative, very dynamic, very outside-the-lines. We are too. Here’s our pitch, let us show you what we need you to do.

Singultus Industries, LLC needs an edgy, viral, one-to-one relationship marketing campaign to make our brand ubiquitous. Our target is the “Generation Z Prime”, the young movers and shakers in the 15-25 market with disposable income and a real thirst for style.

We want to expose ourselves in the marketplace and become a true meme and a halo effect. We want the E-2000 to be the emesis basin of choice for people in the know. Basically what we’re after is to become the New Beetle of the postsurgical home care industry.

We plan to have snipe companies and street teams work college and high school campuses to build a wave here and get some buzz going with the brand. Probably starting with the basins and some catheters or maybe support hose. Looking forward we have product placements on the horizon and some very promising hook-ins with celebrities and opinion-makers in the techno dance and extreme sports scenes.

When you get down to it, we don’t just sell bedpans or ostomy bags here at Singultus. We’re giving people a lifestyle and an identity, a brand they can make part of who they are. And we hope you’re part of it too. Are you ready for an adventure in post-television advertorial brand identification? Come along with us for the ride!

conrad is a schmuck
conrad is one of the freshest creators of comics and cartoons today
conrad is an internationally recognized expert on cannabis
conrad is the central valley’s best hope to oust gary condit
conrad is subtly taking advantage of his current “hip” status as père spirituel of one of the darlings of today’s avant garde
conrad is reinforced by a hobby
conrad is the last of the box of beagles
conrad is a bit unusual at first but it isn’t difficult to get the hang of
conrad is the clueless one in the bunch
conrad is content playing the level
conrad is a non

Courtesy of http://www.googlism.com/

This is what web hosting advertising looks like now. Guys, we couldn’t swing the billboard on Sunset or the TV spot with Gwyneth, so we worked with what we had and came up with a very viral, very street, very in your face campaign.

Found in a stack at an indie rock nightclub Saturday night

Yesterday was a good day for a number of reasons. First, two people without steady jobs bought me meals (sashimi, Indian food). Second, I got to visit the Amoeba Records new branch in Hollywood which is freakin’ HUGE and will be my new place to waste money after work.

And third, I got to go see Ferdinand at Mr. T’s Bowl, and they played really well. A load of their good songs and also the Soft Boys’ “Only the Stones Remain” which is a favorite cover. Saw some old friends.

The show was a record release party for the very worthy Menthol Hill as well. And the second gig for “Eight Bit”, which is your typical hip-hop band dressed in robot suits. Since you may not believe this, here is a video (~ 3.7M).

Although I’m too old for really loud music and going to bed at 0300 I shall continue to go out to clubs and have fun, God Damn It.

I am going to see Ferdinand! tonight at Mr. T’s in Highland Park, with Menthol Hill and the Kids of Widney High.

Everyone else should go too, especially if you’re in the Los Angeles area. But even if you’re not, get on a damn plane.

o/~ some asshole on a cellphone X’d out my eyes with his HUMMER o/~

mrrrroowrr

The following showed up on my monster.com job update thingy just now:

1. Oct 18, Internet Business Analyst, Hot Topic, US-CA-City of Industry

YOW!! Am I a GOTH BABE ANALYSIT for the INTERNET YET???

If I admit I hacked my wife’s head off and we all have a good laugh, can I star in b-movies again?

I’m rethinking this..

This is all Prok’s fault. Really.

Apparently as I speak Mr. T is on the Conan show in lederhosen and a Tyrolean hat singing “Edelweiss”.

If we wrap that up with his A-Team work, the Nancy Reagan Lapdance, and his career in Evangelical B Movies, we have our complete absurdist hero.

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you the New Man.

My social circle just evaporated again. I think this is the third time.

On careful longitudinal analysis, one finds that this happens every 5 years on a nonsynchronized schedule with my other occasional disaster, the Abortive Attempt at Romance.

I’ve figured it out. I keep reliving my 20s, because I didn’t get to then. So I hook up with some 20somethings, and we are all slackers without lives and we hang out and whoop it up faintly, like stunned howler monkeys. Then bit by bit they go off and pair up, find true love or careers, get involved in life, and leave me sitting at the coffee house with a cold espresso.

Maybe I should grow up this time instead of finding another set of Yuffies to hang with. When I hit 55 or so it’s going to be a real fucking Strangers with Candy mess.

I think that would entail buying better clothes, pretending that the news is real, and joining the Sierra Club to meet other aging failures and take one home with me, though, and I just can’t face that.

It’s back to bourbon ‘n’ denial for me.