Nobody came to my hamster’s funeral. I’m not angry, I’m just confused.

I went to the Detroit Bar tonight for the Interfaith Shelter benefit klikitak had organized. The DJ was good, the music wasn’t, and I met some nice people including a couple of her coworkers from the shelter.

I was one of maybe 10 people there who did not have rock ‘n’ roll hair. As usual, the musicians did not have rock ‘n’ roll hair either. Hipsters, etc., you know the drill.

I bought a ginger ale and tipped the bartender heavily.

There was a young woman there who was asking people about benefits, how to put one on, etc. This was because she too wished to put on a show like this. I believe her exacts words were “This is going to sound fucking dumb but I want to put on a benefit for my cat.”

Setting the cat itself aside for a moment (there you go, kitty! good kitty), there are two things that come immediately to mind.

  1. A benefit is something that is done for a community cause. Examples of community causes include: a charity; a political issue or candidate; a much-beloved individual in terrible distress; an institution of some kind in need of help. It’s bizarre that someone would not understand the social distinction between “benefit for Cat Rescue” and “benefit for my cat.”
  2. This isn’t a benefit for a cat; it’s a benefit for the cat owner. She needs money to pay for the cat’s treatment. She could sell her car. She could take two jobs. She could live on only rice and beans and one lime a week. There are lots of things she can do. She is currently out for the night at a bar drinking. This is not a social welfare situation. This is a “cat shower.” Why can’t she see that?

Bonus points!

  • She just got a degree in P.R.
  • She and her girlfriends have already raised $500 with a bikini car wash.
  • She was dressed all Flashdance.

Okay, I had to get that off my chest because I am a bitter asswipe. I do feel bad for the cat, though.

5 thoughts on “Nobody came to my hamster’s funeral. I’m not angry, I’m just confused.

  1. I performed at a cat benefit at someone’s apartment once, because I was that much of a poetry whore at the time. I was interested to see if this person, an investigative journalist who covered rather serious topics, would show the least sense of shame, irony or self-reflection over the act of begging for cat money. I wouldn’t have minded if there was any hint it was a rent party (which I could fathom) presented as a cat benefit, but no. This is not the first time I’ve noticed this journalistic disconnect between insightful reporting and self-absorbed personal life, but it amazes me every time.


  2. she should totally post online about it.
    some lady had a pug who needed surgery after being hit by a car, but she couldn’t afford it, so she posted a sorta sad farewell on a pug community, because they were going to have to put the dog down, but then like, random people started offering her money and she was able to get the dog’s surgery. weeeee.


  3. sheesh
    hell, she could set up a payment plan with her vet. or, since she’s the kind of woman who uses her body to get what she wants, she could just screw the vet.


  4. David Cross has a bit on people who die and leave everything to their cats… “There’s a homeless guy sitting there on the street and he has to ask, ‘Hey, can the cat spare any change?’ Man that pisses me off, I want to reanimate those people and kill em again.”


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