Kreiss, what an asshole

WITH his vintage blue-and-red rep tie, carefully tousled hair and old metal lapel pin reading “I {heart} Grandpa,” Loren Kreiss looks like a typical style-conscious 24-year-old. He collects cool things, like 2,194 “friends” on, an antique Coke machine and 15,000 songs on his hard drive. His vintage wristwatch is a fashion accessory, not a tool.

“My watch and all my clocks are set to the wrong time,” Mr. Kreiss said recently. “It’s symbolic of me. I don’t like to look at time.”

But as the scion of Kreiss, his family’s California-based furniture business, Mr. Kreiss (pronounced to rhyme with nice) sometimes has to work at being an iconoclast. He can barely contain his contradictions. For instance, his three-times-a-week maid often resets the clocks correctly, forcing Mr. Kreiss to reset them quirky again. (To avoid missing appointments, he consults his ever-present BlackBerry.)

The rest of the article is here at the NY Times.

But wait, no, I need to paste another quote: Mr. Kreiss writes his graphic novels on his BlackBerry while working out on an elliptical trainer at the gym.

Wait wait, no, here’s another: He hung out with bands like Blink-182 during the height of San Diego’s neo-punk scene, sang in a band and produced three records on his indie Lurid label.

Okay I have to go punch a yuppie now. Brb.

16 thoughts on “Kreiss, what an asshole

  1. …His heroes are old-school rebels like Muhammad Ali and Bob Dylan.
    “They have a willingness and heart to be different and a refusal to compromise that I relate to,” he said.

    his father wanted to bring him further into the fold. “He said, ‘I know you’re having fun with your music,’ ” Mr. Kreiss recalled, ” ‘but at the end of the day I won’t be paying your rent any longer, and it would mean a lot to the family if you would join the business. I think you could really help.’ ”
    The son relented. He was a Kreiss, after all.

    Refusal to compromise usually means having to give up 320-thread count sheets, you see.

      1. And what was that Ali said when he took his draft evasion case to the Supreme Court?
        “No Viet Cong ever gave me 320-thread count sheets.”
        On the other hand, unlike some folks I know, it sounds like this guys dad finally decided “sitting around on your ass acting cool all day” was not a career worth underwriting. Even if it’s just a token office job, it makes me a litte less angry. I still wish hot death upon him, but it can be quick and painless.

      2. Seriously
        I think Mr. Hilton could learn a thing or two from this Kreiss fella about how to deal with a completely worthless child.

    1. Totally unfair….
      Read to page 2:
      “…I think I’m paranoid of people viewing me as just a little rich kid. There’s much more to me than that.”
      Not just more, MUCH more. You can have soul AND nice sheets, for pete’s sake.

      1. Re: Totally unfair….
        Oh, of course, but there’s something inherently ridiculous about a pampered kid bragging about his “refusal to compromise” when he has so little at risk.

      2. Re: Totally unfair….
        Yeah, I was being ironic, I barely know how to pull that off in speech, much less writing….
        I think you’re succint and accurate (a prized combination) when you contrast his refusal to compromise with his lack of “sweat equity.” Nice.
        It made me think: oh man, what’s this pigfucker like as a manager? He’s East Coast Operations Manager? What do you suppose it’s like being one or two levels below him, when you’re doing something he doesn’t like but he doesn’t tell you, or the chain isn’t getting an extra unit because somebody didn’t get the right permit?

      3. Re: Totally unfair….
        Actually, I thought you might’ve been joking but it was so bone dry I couldn’t tell, which is a rarity for me. (I suppose the capitalized MUCH should have been a giveaway) I appreciate a well-played bit of sarcasm, so well done!
        SOmething tells me he shows up to work two days a week.

  2. OMG, sorry about the commas
    Fuck. I only have 52 myspace friends, my vintage Longines tells the correct time, I don’t even have a Blackberry, I’m like hella overweight so I only sweat at the gym – I don’t have time for a graphic novel. It would get smudged. Also, how is Blink 182 neo-punk? I thought they were at the very least, Pop-punk and at the very worst, shit I don’t listen to.

  3. Thank you for giving me a reason to live.
    I will now endeavor to send him nekkid pictures of me which will wipe that smile right offa his face.

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