I am fixing to write a spamassassin rule that shitcans everything with “Holiday” in the subject line. Everyone I ever bought anything from or thought about buying anything from suddenly has Holiday Gift Ideas, Holiday Newsletters, Free Shipping for the Holidays, Foolproof Holiday Activities, and is, in fact, Your Headquarters for the Holidays.
We’re nearing the permanent Christmas of Brazil. If anyone needs me, I’ll be driving around the neighborhood deflating these gigantic blow-up turkeys on people’s lawns with a screwdriver on the end of a shovel.
Be My Blog 
Heh, there is a section in my .procmailrc that dumps various Subject-based word combinations that have finally pushed me over that edge. It had 4 or 5 entried before I realized that each one of them was prefixed with the same comment:
# god damn
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Can I be your loyal and boon companion Basil? I promise not to spike the tea. Much.
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FORWARD, BASIL!
We’ve 20 of those infernal birds to destroy before Thursday!
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† CONSUMERS FOR CHRIST! †
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We’re nearing the permanent Christmas of Brazil. If anyone needs me, I’ll be driving around the neighborhood deflating these gigantic blow-up turkeys on people’s lawns with a screwdriver on the end of a shovel.
Couldn’t have said it better myself, except that nobody here has front yards in which to put giant turkeys.
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Why do all the spammers hate Christmas? Someone alert O’Reilly!
Don’t take the Christ out of Christ What Is All This Goddam Spam!
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Gee and I will be here for the Thanksgiving Day extravaganza. Just the two of us, three if you insist on counting the unborn, and room service. Copious and expensive room service.
It’s about the only way I can cope anymore. Just the sight of giant inflatable turkeys would probably induce an aneurysm in me. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the Wmas season this year.
(No. I have not done my SantaClaus™ shopping yet.)
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Frankly, if it filtered out “well-meaning” personal email that has that in the title, I’d consider it worth its weight in gold.
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um.
do they REALLY have huge blow-up turkeys on their lawns?
like, REALLY?
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Yes.
inflatobird
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Re: Yes.
!!!
good CHRIST the hideousness!
i like your scene of proposed mischief with these abominations, though–and what will you be riding on? a lawnmower? go-cart?
i am picturing something small and agile enough to duck and weave from lawn to lawn, all the while being tailed by a benny hill-esque trail of perturbed neighbors.
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Re: Yes.
Vespa!
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Re: Yes.
scooter gang!
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OH MY GOD I LOVE LIVING IN ORANGE COUNTY
I can’t wait until the giant homeless man-thing becomes the Snowman of Balboa Island on Christmas, at that one house near-ish the ferry. That’s my favorite.
Meanwhile, cue the rolling blackouts, courtesy of TBN and the sparkliest HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS message in the world!!!!!111!!`1!~!one!!1`1!!
You’re a mean one, Mister Grinch!
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Ouch.
Have not seen any of those yet.
Ouch.
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Saving the holidays one guerilla act at a time
‘Blow-up turkey’?
Blow-up turkey…
Blow UP turkey…
BLOW UP TURKEY!!!!
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Re: Saving the holidays one guerilla act at a time
You’re just the man we need.
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