Ain’t buyin’ nothin’.

I am fixing to write a spamassassin rule that shitcans everything with “Holiday” in the subject line. Everyone I ever bought anything from or thought about buying anything from suddenly has Holiday Gift Ideas, Holiday Newsletters, Free Shipping for the Holidays, Foolproof Holiday Activities, and is, in fact, Your Headquarters for the Holidays.

We’re nearing the permanent Christmas of Brazil. If anyone needs me, I’ll be driving around the neighborhood deflating these gigantic blow-up turkeys on people’s lawns with a screwdriver on the end of a shovel.

17 thoughts on “Ain’t buyin’ nothin’.

  1. Heh, there is a section in my .procmailrc that dumps various Subject-based word combinations that have finally pushed me over that edge. It had 4 or 5 entried before I realized that each one of them was prefixed with the same comment:
    # god damn

  2. We’re nearing the permanent Christmas of Brazil. If anyone needs me, I’ll be driving around the neighborhood deflating these gigantic blow-up turkeys on people’s lawns with a screwdriver on the end of a shovel.
    Couldn’t have said it better myself, except that nobody here has front yards in which to put giant turkeys.

  3. Why do all the spammers hate Christmas? Someone alert O’Reilly!
    Don’t take the Christ out of Christ What Is All This Goddam Spam!

  4. Gee and I will be here for the Thanksgiving Day extravaganza. Just the two of us, three if you insist on counting the unborn, and room service. Copious and expensive room service.
    It’s about the only way I can cope anymore. Just the sight of giant inflatable turkeys would probably induce an aneurysm in me. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the Wmas season this year.
    (No. I have not done my SantaClaus™ shopping yet.)

      1. Re: Yes.
        !!!
        good CHRIST the hideousness!
        i like your scene of proposed mischief with these abominations, though–and what will you be riding on? a lawnmower? go-cart?
        i am picturing something small and agile enough to duck and weave from lawn to lawn, all the while being tailed by a benny hill-esque trail of perturbed neighbors.

      2. OH MY GOD I LOVE LIVING IN ORANGE COUNTY
        I can’t wait until the giant homeless man-thing becomes the Snowman of Balboa Island on Christmas, at that one house near-ish the ferry. That’s my favorite.
        Meanwhile, cue the rolling blackouts, courtesy of TBN and the sparkliest HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS message in the world!!!!!111!!`1!~!one!!1`1!!
        You’re a mean one, Mister Grinch!

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