Tag: sex

The new mail order brides are here!

Quotes from some that just arrived in my mailbox:

“The friend on correspondence. Clever, kind, idle time.”

“Difficultly about itself to write, as in me it is combined two persons: serious lady and very lovely girl. ”

“You were lucky once if you haven’t known me.:)”

“I love much to write in the questionnaire it is not meaningful, I AM MARRIED here not such unit therefore it was necessary to play a cunning trick)) and to write that lonely to whom interestingly write necessarily I shall answer)”

“Has finished university of culture and arts, by a trade the manager of tourist sphere; I like to learn for myself a lot of new and interesting; I am fond of a photo. I earn additionally model, I like to leave on a nature, I play in the big tennis, I am engaged in navigation”

“The attractive girl formed, with good sense of humour)) About itself it is hard to write..”

“The man of my dreams has soft adoring eyes,a loving faithful heart, and strong nice thighs. “

touched by an anvil

My day: some work, therapy, hanging around at D’s, Trader Joe’s, home.

Currently I’m making some oven-fried chicken and baby dutch potatoes with spinach & curry spices. Sort of an almost Saag Paneer thing.

At TJ’s the hottest woman ever to live on the surface of the planet was buying valentiney things for someone who is, at least tonight, way luckier than me. It was hard not to follow her through the aisles in a dog-like manner.

C’mon rain, actually rain tonight! Dear God the curry smell is making me something something.

581% return

Maciej’s delicious links pointed to “How to transition to boyfriend status” with the very accurate tags: ugh howto self-help idiot sex

The “get a girl” self-help guru subculture is exactly the pyramid scheme “network marketing” subculture about sex instead of money. They’re all convinced that some foolproof scheme exists for acquiring the desired object: a beautiful woman. (Note: must be beautiful, preferably a professional model of some kind.) Once this formula is discovered and applied, women meeting their criteria will be attracted and compelled to submit to them. They live entirely in the world of the 13-year-old boy who knows that he wants to have an extremely hot woman, and that he cannot. This isn’t dating, it’s Weird Science.

Like the “network marketing” people, these maniacs always believe in their latest version of self-help sexual magick, which is entirely unlike all those others. Also like the pyramid schemers, they give each other authoritative advice in the complete absence of success even on their own unusual terms. The guy in the beat-up ’85 BMW who tells you he has the key to becoming a millionaire here presents himself as the quivering, porn-clutching misogynist with the sure-fire method for creating a supermodel out of old magazines and a flux capacitor.

A cheerfully annoying loon from my college days, a guy who loved to disrupt any political speech on campus with loud, disjointed heckling and wore a permanent disturbed clownlike grin, later morphed into “The Speed Seduction Guy”. I remember spitting out my drink in disbelief seeing him on TV sometime in the 90s pitching his “method”. OH NO WAY IT’S THAT GUY, OH MAN, HE’S SELLING WHAT?

What these poor bastards are after, of course, isn’t dating or even just sex. It’s power. Fortunately for them, the sorcery they’re practicing just reaps another $49.95 each time for the book and tape set, without the statue of the Commendatore showing up and dragging them off to Hell.

We would also drink red flavored punch beverages

When I was in sixth grade, I’d go to my friend Jamie’s house after school sometimes. Jamie’s parents weren’t around after school. We would cook up a can of Chef Boy-ar-dee ravioli and go up in his room. The room had a cool loft in it, and we’d climb up there. We would play records and look at dirty magazines while eating our Chef Boy-Ar-Dee. I remember looking at all this weird crap in the dirty magazines like dildoes and ball-stretchers and various other things that you stick in people or have people whack you with. We didn’t understand any of it but pretended to each other that we did.

Jamie had a record player in his room, too, so we listened to stuff. Mostly we listened to whatever we weren’t supposed to, so dirty comedy was the #1 choice. A personal favorite of his was “The Crepitation Contest” which was all about farting. Also there was some Monty Python.

And then we’d listen to some ELO. Which is why Matthew Sweet’s version of “Do Ya” triggered this memory.

Weird thing is, I still like Chef Boy-Ar-Dee ravioli although I know it’s shit.

OC Craigslist W4M post du jour

I don’t know where to start with this one, really. You guys go ahead.

wanted: Christian Surgeon – 37
Reply to: pers-128627397@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-01-26, 7:25AM PST

I want to meet a surgeon, preferably plastic surgeon in the NewPort beach area. Make me perfect so you will be proud. I love to go to the movies, dinning out, DVDs in, rainy nights, sunsets, dancing, my 2 wonderful kids (14 and 11), God, travel, sight seeing, shopping, horseback riding, SCUBA diving, skiing, going to the gym, relaxing at home, redecorating my humble apartment, good food, good wine and good movies. I enjoy the finer things in life.

Me: I am sweet, 5’8″, blond (gold) and blue, family oriented, also like to be alone, romance, roses and candles, aromatherapy and music.
I currently work in billing for a large clinic.

* this is in or around OC
* no — it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests