Tag: no

Peppermint Patty Died For Your Sins

Go ahead and celebrate St. Patrick’s day. Even if you’re not in any way Irish. Even if you don’t understand a thing about the politics of the celebration and its slogans and songs. Have corned beef and Guinness and try not to drive drunk, it’s all good. Hell, the Japanese seem to enjoy Christmas, too. Holidays are fun.

But if you call it or spell it “St. Patty’s Day” I’m going to come over to your house and beat you about the head and neck with “The Copy Editor’s Shillelagh”, otherwise known as a 1913 Webster’s English Dictionary with cast iron covers and spikes, on the end of a chain.

YOUR ATTEMPT TO IMPRESS THE LADIES HAS FAILED

Hey everybody! Let’s go out to Sutra tonight, get plowed, and impersonate a cop! That always turns the girls’ heads.

COSTA MESA – A 29-year-old Downey man was arrested early today after he reportedly flashed an LAPD-style detective’s badge at police at a nightclub and then later when he was stopped on suspicion of drunken driving.

Pedro R. Davila had approached two uniformed police officers at Sutra, a Costa Mesa nightclub, shown the badge and said he was a Los Angeles Police Department officer assigned to the Downey station. Later the officers realized that Downey has its own police department, said Costa Mesa police Sgt. Mike Ginther.

The same officers later pulled a gray Porsche over when it was observed weaving on the roadway leading to the Costa Mesa (55) Freeway and nearly hit another vehicle, Ginther said.

Davila again showed the badge and said he was an LAPD officer.

Ginther said the suspect was arrested and admitted that he was not a police officer but instead used the badge to impress women. He claimed to have purchased the badge on the Internet. The investigation is continuing.

Davila is being held in the Costa Mesa City Jail on suspicion of impersonating a police officer and driving under the influence of alcohol.

All Rise for President Rufus T. Pissfreak

via waxy:

http://suicidegirls.com/news/technology/14604/

The Director of Filtering for Secure Computing, the company that distributes the broken censorware product “SmartFilter”, wants to protect the children from filth such as Boing Boing, Michelangelo’s David ,and the news. Not only does he want to protect the children, he also wants to dress up in diapers and have big old Adult Baby fetish parties with other people in diapers.

As a well-known sex educator points out in the article above, this sort of play is just fine as long as you don’t blur the lines between fantasy and reality in your dealings with actual children. Wait…

Freedom Science Strikes Again

If you can’t be part of the solution, there’s always money to be made inventing a new problem. That’s how we got new diseases like halitosis and ring around the collar. There’s a product, so let’s create a need: a disease is a good one.

Our enemies—waxy buildup, salmon going red in the can, the invisible filth on our faces—can only be defeated with the help of heroic product managers. This is an old story.

If what you’re selling is the absence of something, the task is a little easier. Best way is to launch a crusade of health and morals against your target. I recommend just lying like crazy ’cause it works great. Today’s example:

http://www.caffeineawareness.org/

The caffeine-free products industry now has its own Reefer Madness, in which the most harmless and beneficial of stimulants turns out to be the worserest thing you can do! Just ask this scientician!

There’s trouble in River City…

thanks to salome_st_john for this