There is no talent

ur speaker 2 day

Years ago, we made fun of  Grabow, the beautifully named speakers bureau that can fill your event with Vegasy hell on tap. The comment thread is good.

There’s now an unused blog and some tags, but everything is still as it was, down to the HTML-resized headshots. Hootie is now available, as are Angela Davis, and Sheryl Roush, the “Sparkle-Tude(TM)” Expert.

Carol Channing remains.

The best pages on the site are now the blank ones, found while browsing categories. There is no talent here. Horseman, pass on.

In which salome and I discuss the ubiquity of hip roller derby

salome_st_john also if I NEVER see another roller derby photo again I will be so excited and I have friends in roller derby I AM SO SICK OF IT

substitute yup. we should franchise it to junior high schools and retire rich

salome_st_john oh christ best idea ever

substitute has the roller derby cute girls indie boys movie happened yet? it’ll be like the Singles or Breakfast Club for this generation of blurpsters. The Postal Service playing as our heroine goes for the gold. Pardon me while I have a small seizure, here

salome_st_john ONE BLEACH MARTUNI COMING UP

substitute GLOBBLE
The sounds of the 90s, the roller derby excitement of the millennium, and the girls you love: It’s Henry Rollins’ Saturday Night Derby show! With special guest host Ben Gibbard and musical appearances by AFI, Ozomatli, and Juliette and the Licks!

salome_st_john I just peed

substitute I’m going to hell, aren’t I.

salome_st_john luckily I’ll be driving

And this just in…

From our “Christ, what an asshole” desk here’s the promo copy for 24K Entertainment, who are inexplicably arriving here in Costa Mesa.

This is what a club DJ sounds like when he gets big, big dreams. He sounds like J&H Productions:

Today, 24K emphasizes an energetic, upscale, social nightlife environment for people who enjoy lavish extravagance. With its marketing debut as a nightlife promotion, 24k offers décor and ambience touched with golden accents, elite dancers and a socially exclusive environment. The 24k nightclub is currently in negotiations to expand its nightlife marketing promotion into major metropolitan cities domestically and internationally in select established venues. This expansion will lead into the premiere of branded 24K product lines including bottled water, energy drink, liquor, monthly magazine, calendars TV & radio productions and a 24K sportswear line for men & women.

AND IN THE STADIUMS AND COLISEUMS PERTAINING TO THE LABEL INDUSTRY AND MAJOR PERFORMING ARTISTS SUCH AS

SINK THE BIZDEV!

ahhhlisaaah reports that:

Vince Neil, lead singer of Motley Crue, is headlining a three-night MOTLEY CRUISE in January that will sail to the Bahamas from Florida – he’ll be featured with his solo band on the ship.

Cruises, like second-rank Vegas hotels, are the natural destination of has-been entertainers. I’m not sure whether this one would be better or worse than the Styx Cruise, but it doesn’t have the wonderful cultural resonance of that one anyway.

myspace sockpuppets

They’re so boring!

When I look to see who’s close to my zip code, the view is clogged with people alleging themselves to be characters on “The O.C.” How original.

Here’s something funnier. When I browse by people who attended UCLA when I did, which should be a much smaller group on myspace at my age, I get… Jack Bauer, protagonist of “24.”