One paper nation

The New Times chain just ate the Village Voice, LA Weeekly, OC Weekly, and a few other papers. Seventeen cities, one company.

I used to work for the L.A. Reader, around the time that the Weekly was crushing us. That was the same time the Herald-Examiner died and the Times owned the city’s “big” newspaper market completely. Later the Reader was sold a couple times, and then the New Times people ate the Reader, the Weekly’s only competition, and then shut down their L.A. paper in collusion with the Weekly, leading to an antitrust action that ended in consent decree. Now they’ve come back and bought the whole thing up.

A moment of silence for the American alternative weekly, folks. The Clear Channel death star has arrived. ALL HAIL THE NEW FLESH!

What is Bulgarian for “Oingo Boingo”?

Arrived early. Ate at the HOB restaurant, decent food. Fell in love with Lara, the waitress. How was I to know she was with the Russians too?

First band: Five white guys in their twenties, dressed up like a hard rock band from 1974: full beards, shaggy hair, one jewfro, lots of denim. I thought I’d never utter the phrase “Grand Funk Railroad imitation”, but there you have it. The lead singer tried very, very, very, very, very, very, very hard to be wacky. He said they were from Venus. They are called Valient Thorr. THEY BLOW. Grade: D

Second band: Five white guys in their twenties, dressed up like white guys in their twenties who are in a roots music band. They played Americana Punk Rock. Basically it’s the Real MacKenzies/Flogging Molly formula applied to bluegrass and roots rock. Since the Real Flogging Molly Mackenzie crowd is an imitation of the Pogues, who are an imitation of the Mekons, oh forget it. Anyway they were pretty good but not at all innovative or interesting. Would see as an opening band again. They are called the Scotch Greens. Grade: B-

Third band: Five white guys in their twenties, dressed up like the Stooges. Big local following. Lead singer is rail thin, covered in tattoos, takes his shirt off during the third song. Unremarkable Stooges/Sex Pistols sound. Lots of yelling about sex. Girls from the audience pulled up to sing onstage, causing near wardrobe malfunction. Members of Valient Thorr come on stage and sing with them, do the I’m Not Worthy bow, play air guitar. Guitarist has gigantic expensive Gibson guitar. Lead singer removes pants during last song. Constantly ordering various people in the audience to perform sexual acts immediately. They are the 2005 tweaker version of Social Distortion, which was the 1985 surfer heroin burnout version of the Sex Pistols, who were the London prefab fraud impresario version of the Stooges. They BLOW. Grade: D They are called Throw Rag.

Gogol Bordello were great. Five white guys in their twenties, dressed up as Dude Ranch Gypsies. They’re from New York. The Flogging MacKenzies idea is used on Eastern European Roma music to great effect. Plus, they have washboard girls! Who also play big parade drums and shoot slingshots! And they have a mean accordion player. It’s a double pantload of fun. The lead singer is just annoying enough to be a good lead singer. Their schtick might well be very annoying to people actually from Molvania, or to gypsies. I don’t know. It’s like 3 Mustaphas 3 that way: ha, ha, Eastern Europe funny! Yeah, also blood-drenched. Anyway it’s got a great beat, you can dance to it. Grade: B+

MacMomMania

I helped my mom buy a new Mac. She’s on a 350 MHz blue G3 right now.

Refurbished Mac Minis from the Apple web site are going for $400 right now, no joke! Good time to get a Mac if you haven’t before because of price.

We got her a Mac Mini, a 23″ flat panel display, Applecare, and an HP color printer/scanner/everything box all for $2,136 with tax, shipped free.

I swear my mom gets more use out of less money than anyone I know in computing. She’s bought a total of three computers since 1994 and still has the same laserprinter we bought that year.

The New Face of Prostitution, 2005

On Myspace:

hey i no you prolly don’t know me, maybe you do, i thought i had a message from you once, anyways i was just lookin up on profiles and thought you were hot. I totally like older guys than me its cool.. I am drinkin so forgive me if i am ramblin but yea, so add me as a friend, or lets chat on my webcam if you want, its free, you can get there from my profile. What is up? You not going out? lets party lol

look into the pewter pot

bruisedhips and godforesaken‘s wedding was just as nice as I’d expected. Jackie is a great hostess and the group, which consisted of relatives + library geeks + the coffeehouse crew, was just fine. Plus, cake. Best moment for me was in the middle of the vows when Owen (age 3) decided to be a tyrannosaurus and roar happily at his mom and her new husband. Plus, Peppermint patties. It was cool to meet Hils’ parents finally. I had a nice long chat with Ryan’s uncle (I think) and Jackie about Native pottery from New Mexico, which I knew nothing about. It was a great pleasure seeing Kenn and Brian and a load of other people I never see. And happy people. I like seeing happy people.

I wasn’t done afterwards and went to Ruba. Chris R. was holding court at a table of people I half knew. He and I can’t occupy the same space. I used to think I didn’t like him, but I realize that it’s just chemistry of some kind. Maybe we’re just the same kind of dog and shouldn’t try to occupy the same kennel. It was an interesting realization; I thought he was a jerk, but it’s at least half me, and probably more.

I should have left. Friends of mine showed up but were in a space where I didn’t belong. I didn’t know how to handle it. I was reminded of how difficult it is for me to be left out. If I can’t include myself in the group I’m in, I immediately begin writing a story in which no one wants me around and I should stop pretending that I have friends, move away, live in an SRO hotel in downtown Los Angeles, shoot heroin, etc. I’m highly sensitive to situations where people don’t especially want me in their conversation, or don’t want me to get close to them. I can seriously leap from “maybe this discussion doesn’t really include me” to “these people are embarrassed to know me and wish I would go away and never come back and never really saw me as anything but tolerable in certain situations”.

It blows that I can’t accurately assess this kind of social situation and that these tiny variations in communication give me anxiety attacks. Also that I’m mysteriously drawn to demand closeness from people who can’t or won’t provide it, thereby providing endless raw material for spirals of self-hatred and anxiety. There are enough people I’ve been attracted to — sexually or otherwise — who are just walls of ice to me, that I’ve come to accept that as the norm. Party on!

I remember years ago, I was talking to a woman I know who was having a shitty time about something or other, and I gave her a friendly squeeze of the “feel better, you’re cool” kind. And she leaned on me a bit, tilted her head onto mine, and her hand rested on my chest for a moment, fingers curled slightly. It was an “almost” moment, a near connection physically. And not since. Something’s just haywire here.

I have one more chance to get clear of this shit enough to live a life worth living. If this doesn’t work, the list of possible “Plan Z” options is unappetizing to say the least.