Category: Uncategorized

ITEMS.

1. One of the employees at Diedrichs is a curly-haired, dreamy, epicene young man who wears Big Rave Pants in his off-duty time. His girlfriend showed up the other day. She is a slow-moving bovine girl who constantly wears an Insane Clown Posse sweatshirt. Drugs are bad.

2. An affable madwoman at church on Sunday was trying to sell Christian Science to the guy behind me, while the guy behind her mumbled in tongues. I think I might need some place more ..structured.. or I’ll get distracted. It’s like trying to attend a lecture on moral philosophy at a health food store.

3. Sesame seeds improve almost all foods.

4. An essential piece of equipment for hanging out at my coffee house is the iPod. Between the hideous screeching of the Sunday Morning “Classical” group and the drunk bartender next door howling out his joy and rage at the world of sports, headphones were DE FREAKIN RIGUEUR yesterday.

5. The casualty list from heroin and speed among D’s employees is getting out of control. They’ve got to stop using that place as a halfway house; it’s a business for goodness sakes.

Rules

1. Pink or yellow text is a Class C Felony, punishable by a $10,000 fine and not less than four years in State Prison.

2. Pull up your pants. Thousands of years of experimentation with clothing suggests that the upper third of your buttocks should be covered rather than exposed. Don’t mess with that!

3. Please observe reserved words and namespaces with foods. Don’t call something “Moussaka” when it has no eggplant, or “Club Sandwich” when it is a salad. Violators will be dealt with briskly, like medieval well poisoners.

4. Do not, ever again, to anyone, say: “It’s all good.” We live in a vale of tears, and occasionally we are kissed by joy. The two experiences are different and only one of them is “good”.

5. Do not upsell me, or anyone else. You have a minimum wage job. They will not pay you any more if you get me to purchase a pastry, or sign up for the “club card”. You’ve lost your status in society, keep at least your honor.

we carry in our bodies the death

I went to church today for the first time since..um.. 1997? And certainly it’s been 10 years since I participated in Communion of any kind.

It was a mixed experience. In a lot of ways this place reminded me of the church I attended in the early 90s; the rock ‘n’ roll worship music, the young leadership. I hope it’s not as rotten at the core as that scene was. However, the music was survivable (although not good) and the teaching made sense. You can always hook me in with a big extended metaphor, though, and this guy was good at that.

As usual, however, I was sucker punched by the spiritual energy of the experience and ran out a bit early to avoid the howdy-handshake post-church scene. Instead, I had a large and gratifying burrito experience at Taco Mesa.

Afterwards a bit of attempted social intercourse, which lately feels very false and depressing to me.

and now, my brain stem

I’d like to take a break from dancing on emotional cow turds to present you with this thing that I just dreamed:

I was kennfusion. I wanted to sit in the bath and use my laptop to write meta_kate a letter about my analysis of literature. However, as soon as I got in the bath and got the laptop out, a hideous monster from the works of H.R. Giger appeared, floating above me.

It was, in fact, Giger himself. He explained that this was his Spirit Form. “I have something I need you to do,”, he said. “It won’t be that hard, don’t be a baby; the guy is already half tied up.”

And-Then-I-Woke-Up.