Rules

1. Pink or yellow text is a Class C Felony, punishable by a $10,000 fine and not less than four years in State Prison.

2. Pull up your pants. Thousands of years of experimentation with clothing suggests that the upper third of your buttocks should be covered rather than exposed. Don’t mess with that!

3. Please observe reserved words and namespaces with foods. Don’t call something “Moussaka” when it has no eggplant, or “Club Sandwich” when it is a salad. Violators will be dealt with briskly, like medieval well poisoners.

4. Do not, ever again, to anyone, say: “It’s all good.” We live in a vale of tears, and occasionally we are kissed by joy. The two experiences are different and only one of them is “good”.

5. Do not upsell me, or anyone else. You have a minimum wage job. They will not pay you any more if you get me to purchase a pastry, or sign up for the “club card”. You’ve lost your status in society, keep at least your honor.

6 thoughts on “Rules

  1. The good cafeteria at work is closed, having been condensed into the scary cafeteria.
    Today’s club sandwich:

    Bread

    Mayo
    Processed cheese
    Turkey
    Ham
    Tomato
    Lettuce
    Mayo

    Bread

    Bacon
    Tomato
    Lettuce
    Ham
    Turkey
    Processed cheese
    Mayo

    Bread

    except he forgot the bacon, so included it separately for me to add later. Blargh. “More stuff” does not make a better club sandwich.
    Also, you have reminded me to post about shish taouk, a post which has laid forgotten for years.

  2. I had a minimum wage job at Radio Shack. Well, technically it was “commission or minimum wage, whichever is highest,” so it ended up being minimum wage. Anyway, I would get bonuses for up-selling and cross-selling and diagonal-selling and side-selling and backward-selling and [insert preposition or adjective]-selling.
    Of course, those bonuses (“spiffs!”) were somewhere in the range of $0.25, if that.

  3. I get an 80% but maybe the pure strength of my hatred of yellw text gets me extra points
    4. Do not, ever again, to anyone, say: “It’s all good.” We live in a vale of tears, and occasionally we are kissed by joy. The two experiences are different and only one of them is “good”.
    No really it is all good. Here’s why:
    The world is full of possibilities. Most of them we would like. Those are not likely to occur. Many we would hate. These will likely occur. There will however be only one thing that does occur. Only one of the numerous possible outcomes for each possibility may come to reach manifestation. When it has reached that point wherein all possible choices are forced into one single reality we are forced to realize that it is the best outcome. It is the only and therefore devoid of competition defaulting it innto the role of the best. And so to this I say: “It is all good.” Thanks -J

    1. Re: I get an 80% but maybe the pure strength of my hatred of yellw text gets me extra points
      You know, I’d like to see two sharp debating teams go at “It’s all good.”

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