Category: Uncategorized

Mail your child to Nickelodeon

I was at the arrivals level of LAX Terminal 4 today, waiting for my mother to get off her plane. There were some women in brightly colored cheerful clothing there at an information station with brightly colored cheerful signs. At first I thought it said “Kid Check” and I got the phear. On closer examination it was “Kids’ Choice Awards”. I guess there were unaccompanied children arriving to take part in this Nickelodeon event.

The women in the cheerful teachery outfits were rushing about talking on walkie talkies and with stern men in suits and it was all very professional-looking. I guess that’s a good idea so that little Mortimer and Britney-Anne don’t get snatched up by the local CHUDs and ground up into hapless little pedo-burgers.

This is a weird town.

ITEMS

  1. Reading an article about the Iraq war in The Economist today, I aw in an interview with a U.S. officer that the euphemism “force” for “killing people” has now been replaced with the euphemism for “force”: “kinetics”. Please make a note of it.
  2. My cat is hungry all the time, yet barfs a lot. She’s seriously like a dog now in that every time I get up she assumes it’s food time. I’m thinking we’re not feeding her enough, but I don’t want her to get fat again. Worry.
  3. In Nightmare Come to Life news, Floridians with soft contact lenses are getting EYE FUNGUS INFECTIONS AAA AA AAIIIIIIGGH.
  4. Check out the world champion of fast drawing!
  5. In the latest Grim Meathook News, the CDC’s Morbidity & Mortality Report documents the Worst Reeboks Ever. Yeesh.
  6. Soon you’ll be able to get the awesome Google Earth in your car.
  7. The headline of the day is: MAN CONVICTED FOR SHOOTING ROBOT MOOSE.
  8. Fans of the over-the-top crazy soap Passions will be delighted with their new website. I think this is the first time I’ve seen the Crack House font since Diablo.
  9. If you wonder whether the government is going to get your weblogs, consult this list of subpoena’d ISPs and sites.

I suggest a fire

I didn’t get out of the house as soon as I wanted tonight and missed seeing mahakala. I hope you had fun with people, etc.

I arrived to the D’s ghost town. There was only one employee left, and Michelle had come in to help him. She wasn’t even wearing the company uniform, just making coffee. The manager was AWOL. It’s an ex business, which is an odd thing to be around. People do stuff, like make and sell items and clean up, but with a kind of languid, detached air.

Outside, Dr. Goggles and Brandon-the-musician were firing up a hookah. This was observed by various little kids on their way to the ice cream place. They hookah’d a bit with Ashley & Matt. I don’t hookah.

Someone should just stop by from Corporate and power down that place and order up a wrecking crew. It’s done.

I got the box and put things in it that would make me happy.

Oh boy, the truth is out. Jeff Eaton, a good friend of mine for years, has given in and revealed his fabulous 700 Club appearance!

See Jeff in a 1990 style kidmullet! See Jeff interview the audience! See Jeff interview the host and ask pointed questions about her life tragedy! See the very tightly wrapped host, who appears to be at the end of a diet pill/cooking sherry tailspin! See the host’s Beverly Hills Admiral Lady outfit and perfectly triangular Alice-From-Dilbert hair! Experience a truly robotic child model with a vast forehead! Christian muppets! Learn about the wondrous miracle of the HAPPY BOX, the most innovative business idea in West Alabama!

I hadn’t known they had a Christian Aquarium version of the Cosby Show. Nor that it was possible to sing Christmas carols in an Elmer Fudd voice on a Christian TV show and not be shot dead.

See Acid-Washed-Jeans Nation family and their 6 year old kid who insists on sending her own money to Pat Robertson! Oh dear.

One thing I noticed was the overall sweetness of the show. Of course this was a kids’ special version, but there’s no craziness and bile and hate, just saccharine stories about people being pleasantly holy, and appeals for cash. The big TV Culture War hadn’t started yet.

Cute little black sitcom girl ended up doing porn after some financial reverses and poor decisions, apparently. Ow, two cheers for being a pretty girl in America. Huge-forehead child beauty queen became a medium-grade Christian Beauty Queen (“Former Cover Girl for Dr. Glenda Payas Dentistry brochures, ads and website”). Shiela flipped her lid and quit TV. And Jeff? Well, he became a dangerously liberal blogger. You can’t win ’em all, Pat.

Our municipal drains were insufficient for today’s inch of rain.

Hurray, I got to see mahakala today! She was at D’s for a bit this afternoon, where I fled after my shrink appointment. It was Old Home Week as other people I rarely see also showed up. Then off to the Indian Burial Ground Coffee House of Doom to see catamorphism and David, who were really nice. We gabbled about big ideas for a while. Amazingly, I was not dragged to Hell by slimy green arms or held down while Morlocks carved swastikas into my nuts or anything. Maybe that curse was a one-time thing. About the coffee house, not catamorphism, silly.

Ate some pasta and an omelette. The cat is freakin’ neurotic lately, clingy and demanding and making that weird barking sound she only makes when she’s demanding something. A fair amount of remedial cat cuddle was necessary to get her back into a humming pleasant state.

After shrinkage I took some photos down the street at the shuttered and crumbling Children’s Nuthouse on Dover. There’s no more reliable source of undergraduate-literary-magazine style urban decay ‘n’ despair than a closed mental institution!

745 Dover Drive #1

The rest of the set is here on Flickr if you need more anomie ‘n’ ennui.

I myself was doing great today until sometime after I came home and then the bad mood 16-ton weight fell on me. Oops.