Bob Trout’s Patented Landlord Revenge Method

To be used only as a last resort if evicted by or fleeing a truly evil landlord. Note: extremely illegal; may result in fines or imprisonment. Not endorsed by anyone sane.

Freeze 2 lbs ground meat.

Place frozen ground meat in five or so concentric zip-lock freezer bags. Make hole in wall large enough to admit bagged frozen meat.

Place meat in hole.

Plaster and paint over hole so that it appears to be just fine.

Move out.

Roughly six months later a damp explosion occurs, causing a stench that no man can smell and live, and requiring the destruction of the apartment.

16 thoughts on “Bob Trout’s Patented Landlord Revenge Method

  1. There’s a legal method which I’ve used every time I got booted for a condo conversion.
    1. Fully stock the fridge.
    2. Unplug fridge a day before moving.
    3. Move on Friday. Forget to empty fridge.
    Most landlords forget about the fridge when dealing with the deposit, and intentional forgetfulness is hard to prove. When condo conversions are involved, they aren’t going to clean the place and may not touch the fridge for weeks, at which point the resale value (and they do resell them if they can) is fucked.

    1. Thank you. I’ve just fallen victim to a conversion. I like to eat Korean food. I’m just going to have to leave it behind in leaky containers.

  2. I hated my neighbor. No, not the last place, the place on the peninsula where I lived before I moved to Andy’s house in Costa Mesa. This was some bro guy. I believe he was a bouncer at The Warehouse. The guy would talk shit about me. There was no incident that set this off, no offence given or recieved, we never exchanged more than, say, 10 words the entire time we lived next to each other. It was literally because I have long hair. That’s it. I’d hear him talk shit about me through our paper-thin common wall. Ficking dickstain.
    Anywho, while I was moving, I couldn’t help but notice that immediately beneath his window was an egress under the house; the protecting screen had a tear in it. I had some eggs that didn’t really need to come with me. I put them there. That was June. I wonder what his room smelled like in August?

  3. if you know and hate anyone living in a basement bedroom, get in the habit of drinking lots of beer and using the ground outside the basement window as your bathroom. encourage your friends and pets who also hate the basement bedroom dwellers to do the same. enough moisture in that one spot will eventually travel down the inside walls…
    hee hee hee

  4. I love how this has turned into a confessional rather than an outpouring of disgust. 🙂
    Fortunately, I’ve never had an evil landlord, but this leaves me bereft of stories or suggestions. But now I know what to do if I ever need revenge in the future..

  5. I initially felt the need for an outpouring of disgust, but then I realized that would make me feel like a teacher. Which I am. But…. I read about how if someone who has done you wrong happens to have a four poster bed (or hollow curtain rods for that matter), you can unscrew the finnials at the ends and fills them with frozen baby shrimp. This works best if you’re leaving the country.

  6. Vendettaaaah
    I think it’s the case that every place I’ve rented and disliked,
    was also such a hovel that when I considered revenge of the
    above kinds, I thought “I think it’s so bad here already that
    any vindictive prank I could think up would be minor compared to
    what will, soon enough, already happen on its own anyway”.
    On the work-environment front, that was pretty much my assessment
    my job at Bobodyne; and hooboy, my assessment was
    proven quite correct within mere days of my leaving! Leaving behind actual meat rotting in the walls would merely have been overdetermined symbolism for the actual state of the company.
    The full story is here.

  7. Yeah sounds like some of the high school pranks my crew pulled. Roadkill in the ceiling tiles and Tripe stuffed in lockers the day before spring break (when we had no air conditioning and spring break was actually IN SPRING and not in Early March) resulting in spring break being extended by 1 day to air out the halls. The two pronged assault had to throw them off.
    Fish heads in hubcaps was also another good one.

  8. chicken works the best! hide it in the ac and wall switch outlets.pee on the carpet then blame the cat.cement in toilet works too [little at a time] brake fluid on the landladys car hood and trunk is always more fun and faster than a brick thru the office with a cute note attached . another great place to hide rotten food is in the elecrtic wall heater[put some lindberger cheese in there and omg. cat chit in the bathroom ceiling fan is hard to diagnose too

    for entertainment purpouses only

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