Hoist by his own retard

I was being tailgated by a Hummer H2 today, which wasn’t a surprise around here. I looked in the rear vision mirror and, as I often too, thought it was a school bus due to the size, row of lights on top, and bright yellow color. A lot of the Hummers are Tonka/Lifeguard Yellow. The guy eventually zoomed around me in true H2 asshole style and then it hit me and the giggles started.

That guy just paid $60,000 to drive his own fucking short bus.

26 thoughts on “Hoist by his own retard

  1. It’s too tough to let get scratched
    The funny thing is that, even though he’ll look all tough in his little Army Joe truck, he still paid a wad for it and will do whatever you want, should you let off the gas and coast down to twenty miles per hour.

    1. Re: It’s too tough to let get scratched
      That’s why I’m ordering the optional rocket launcher.
      On second thought those gold plated rockets are too expensive to waste on mortals.

  2. I still recall, fondly, the day I saw some mook trying to parallel park one of those ridiculous toys on a one-way street in the west village. Displaying all the prowess of a 16-year-old student driver – he probably wouldn’t have done any better if it were a Mini – he diddled back and forth for the full ten minutes I was in a position to watch, and he was probably still at it for another ten after.
    As traffic backed up behind him.
    And the horns got going.
    And passersby stared, pointed, and laughed.
    And as his carefully-made-up companion tried to maintain her composure, not make eye contact with anybody, and disappear into her seat in mortification.
    “Ohhhhhhhhhh! Played yourself, fool!”

  3. Gagakakakakaka!
    I can’t wait until another short bus driving ass-wipe pulls into my parking spot so that I can roll my window down and holla: “NICE SHORTBUS DUDE”!

    Maybe for an extra thousand $ you can get a decal on the hood that says “I’m with Stupid” with the arrow pointing at the driver’s seat.

  5. If you’re driving the short bus then you’re the only one in it that’s not a retard. Some people are willing to pay $60,000 to sustain this illusion I guess.

  6. tell me why everyone hates hummers so much.
    sure, they use lots of gas, but you don’t have to pay for it. they’re large, but nowhere near the size of even a bread truck.
    so what’s the beef?

    1. Hummador
      They’re road hazards, pointlessly overconsuming scarce resources and generating toxic pollution. They are idiotic contraptions sold to eager idiots, and heavily subsidized by an idiot government. They are Faustmobiles.

  7. worse
    worse than the tonka yellow ones are the custom painted ones. i recently saw one parked outside the gym in costa mesa. it had been painted as though covered in granite. through the cracks peeked bikini-clad cartoon women, appearing as though they were summoning the viewer to enter their lair. i was tempted to hang out there as long as it took to meet the jackass that owned it but decided ultimately that i would be better off if i pretended i hadnt seen it.

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