best “other” responses to my Valentine poll

In no particular order:

“Revive Lupercalia instead. Don’t forget the goat and dog sacrifice!”

“Sex at the zoo!”

“Ironic ‘my funny valentine party’ wherein we all get drunk and make warped, disgusting cards for each other.”

“Book table for 2 @Spago, act disappointed when 2nd party is no show, enjoy dinner, leave backpack bomb under table, dash out on check, enjoy explosion from safe distance.”

The list is here at the poll results.

“Other” was the winner by a long shot, followed by “Spasmodic, bonobo-like masturbation”, “Pure bitter bile, straight no chaser”, and “Transgressive BDSM orgy with harem of doe-eyed, slinky ingenues”.

That last one does sound awesome but presents logistical difficulties. The first one is easy enough, though. Why if I had a dollar for…

3 thoughts on “best “other” responses to my Valentine poll

  1. Valentine’s Day Massacre
    When I worked at a real job (okay it was a record company, but we had insurance and pension plan, and were part of a multi-natoinal corp conglomo-congoline) I spent a lovely Valentines Day evening dressed to the nine (millimeters?) at a gun club in downtown LA with a couple co-workers. We rented guns (sig sauer for me, thanks) and purchased appropriate targets, then used sharpies to scrawl out names, things we wanted to get rid of in our lives, etc. “Briefcase guy” target was pretty popular with us that night, as he did indeed represent The Man who was keepin’ us down, on so many levels…The guy behind the counter was a little unnerved, as was the gun instructor and his actor client in the next booth.
    I strongly recommend this group activity; it beats drinkng in a bar or (pathetically) sending flowers ot yourself.


    1. Re: Ooopsie re; VD massacre
      I used to shoot there when I worked downtown! This was in the mid 90s and the place was always full of Japanese tourists who were finally shooting the guns they’d seen in all those American movies. While I was methodically making holes in paper with the Glock, they were firing off the gigantic Desert Eagle and then laughing outrageously. I was sure I was going to DIE.


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