Kermie? Sometimes my arms bend backwards.

This new icon, which I received from the lovely and talented rumplestiltskin rumplestimpskin sparked a conversation back and forth with theodora last night. Because Kermit is flailing in front of red curtains it reminded her of Twin Peaks, and we began casting a remake of Twin Peaks starring only Muppets.

I think the best thing to start with is to give almost all the female parts to Miss Piggy. Maybe Donna Hayward can be played by Janice, the musician and nurse with the big lipstick. But a vast array of Miss Piggies in all pretty girl or crazy lady roles seems best, partly because Miss Piggy will kick our asses if we don’t give her the pretty girl roles and will shine in the crazy lady ones. I mean, she IS Nadine, and she’ll demand to be Laura Palmer. Josie will be a stretch for her, but I can’t for the moment think of any Muppets who could easily do a very intense Chinese lady with close-cropped hair. Other casting by my own prejudices is below:

Dr. Jacoby: Dr. Teeth
Pete Martell: Oscar the Grouch
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Fozzy Bear
The One-Armed Man: Animal
Benjamin Horne: Sam the Eagle
Backwards Talking Dwarf: Elmo
Deputy Andy Brennan: Grover

I’m having trouble casting Albert Rosenfield, Ed Hurley, Leo, Bobby Briggs, and a few others.

On the subject of Bob, the first thing that comes to mind is Animal, but Animal is far too innocent and bouncy despite the hair. I was thinking maybe Zoot or Sgt. Floyd Pepper from Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, but part of me just wants to go for the gold and give Gonzo the part.

Corrections and suggestions are more than welcome. For reference here’s a list of Muppets and a Twin Peaks cast reference.

15 thoughts on “Kermie? Sometimes my arms bend backwards.

  1. Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Fozzy Bear
    I…. I’m not entirely sure Fozzy didn’t actually *play* Harry under a pseudonym, now that you mention it.

  2. I don’t know, I always saw a little bit of Crazy Harry in Russ Tamblyn.
    I think that Miss Piggy should also play the cross-dressing (transgendered?) David Duchovny role, Special Agent Denise Bryson. Miss Piggy is so obviously a drag queen it’s scary.
    (Side note: when I first stumbled across Duchovny on the X-Files I actually giggled–hey, they gave the crossdressing agent a spinoff! Ah, if only.)

    1. Also—
      FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole = Waldorf (already has the hearing aid)
      Bobby Briggs = Scooter (he doesn’t have a motorcycle, but is just as gullible as Bobby)
      Major Garland Briggs = Sam, the American Bald Eagle

  3. I know he’s from Sesame Street and not the Muppets, but Bert is Bob hands down. Remember that whole internet thingie with Evil Bert quite a few years back? It scared the bejeezus out of me, since I’d had recurring evil Bert nightmares as a child. (Yep. Really.)
    Evil Bert and Killer Bob are waaaay too closely linked in my head. I’m not sure which scares me more.

  4. The lead
    Agent Cooper needs to be <a href=
    >Pepe The Shreemp.
    Professor Honeydew as the dapper Dick Tremayne.
    Beaker as The Tall Man and Deputy Andy.
    And the Penguins as The Horse.
    With Weezer (horonary Muppets) as the band at the Roadhouse etc.

  5. Josie
    is such a put-on part, it’s somehow immensely satisfying that it be played by someone who can’t pull it off, Gonzo or Piggy. I vote Piggy, because it’s so swell to imagine her trying to be demure. Think of that Katherine/Josie cross in the mill! Except Piggy’s obviously also Katherine. Fuck.
    And all the One-Eyed Jack girls, pretty, pretty chickens…

      1. Laura, don’t go there.
        Maybe Ronette Pulaski is also a chicken. Works to special effect, if The Swedish Chef is Renault…

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