Why I do not live in the country

torgo_x calls my attention to THE DEVIL’S OWN TELEVISION NETWORK, which has such programs as:

Jasper the Mule (“The best thing I can do for mules and donkeys is to introduce them to children in a positive way.”)

Classic Tractor Fever (“When the tractor owner pointed out the unique charac- teristics of the engine, the red eye of the camera focused on the engine. If the tractor featured steel lugs rather than rubber tires, the video focused on the lugs. And so on.”)

And of course Polka America with Jimmy Sturr:

11 thoughts on “Why I do not live in the country

  1. I, um, have to confess I’m a fairly regular viewer of RFD-TV. They run a lot of vintage 50s/60s music shows I like, mostly the kind of folk-influenced bluegrass/hillbilly country that was rendered unto extinction by the Garth Brooks/Toby Keith mullet variety that was created and produced by guys who used to produce Foreigner and Journey records but now can’t get any other work.
    They also have some delightfully odd programs about model train environments where it’s basically just an hour of a camera following model trains through elaborate little plastic towns, over plastic hill and plastic dale. It’s sort of like hobbyist porn, I guess.
    The Jimmy Sturr show is a hoot, too. Every now and again he has to stop the polka and talk about sausages, since some sausage company sponsors the thing.
    The other thing I like about RFD TV is that, although it supposedly represents rural American values, there is not a single overtly religious show, not one crazy right wing preacher spewing about the evils of the city/homos/scientists. It’s conspicuous by its absence and I like to think it’s a good sign.
    I shoud mention I genuinely like these things, I am not watching to scoff or be ironic or clever. I was raised in what was then a rural environment by the elderly, so I have a sad affection for ancient country and bad polka. Both are a hell of a lot more honest than Franz Ferdinand.

    1. Also, mules are cool. I’m stumping to get one. (Though I probably won’t erect a statue of myself riding one on our front lawn, not will I commission bands to sing songs about them.)

      1. Mules are cool and if I had a completely different lifestyle I would love one. Besides the fact that they’re neat animals, I just like that they even exist, being the conjunction of two species as they are.

    2. I’m too citified, I guess.
      I have a dread of American rural life. It makes me feel like I’d be trapped in Christina’s World, forever.

  2. RFD-TV proudly carries all Superior Livestock Auction broadcasts featuring “live” carriage of the nation’s premier video auctions which provides true price discovery for all North American cattlemen. Feeder cattle, bred stock, and special breed auctions from this nation’s top ranches are featured frequently in the program schedule. In addition, video horse auctions are now carried by the network from the top operations from around the country.

  3. And the Porter Waggoner show!! With a v. young Dolly Parton.
    And horses. And coooooooows. And Dutch oven campfire cooking!!
    Oo, I love RFDtv. (Yes, we get in the v. big city.)

  4. yessssssssssssssssssssssssss…………………….
    WOW! I had no idea this existed! I spent all my summers til I was 13 in Wisconsin on my grandpa’s farm and the local channels (maybe three?) were full of this stuff. Even as a tiny kid I would think to myself that this was some serious culture shift from NY.
    I’ll be watching for this here in L.A. – polka shows???
    i am SO there. I am there AND A HALF.

    I predict “Clasic Tractor Fever” will be the name of the band that replaces Franz Ferdinan in the hearts of all non-music lovers worldwide.

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