The patio was a regular injured list tonight, including: one concussion with neck strain, one sacroiliac separation status post motor vehicle accident, one gastritis patient in recovery. Let’s try to be careful out there, folks.

I had a four-hour nap today. It was pretty much a napgasm. I would wake up for a few minutes in the middle and say “hmm.. yeah… more… NAP!” and go back to sleep. God that felt good.

I need to write another cgh article. It’ll either be about jerkcity, or about the paradox of orange county punk.

I’ve been thinking about going back into therapy, mainly because the fact that I cannot get a date to save my life has been constant for years, and it has to be me and not the Cruelness of the World, and I should try to fix that. But it’s so expensive, and so time-consuming, and it so didn’t work before. I’m resistant, and in fact it makes me angry to think about it, because therapy to me is something you do because other people tell you to, basically in order to make *them* happy. I don’t want to destroy another couple years of my life for a slim chance at improving things. Just the memory of those years of always leaving work early and missing out on interesting things in life, and being poor all the time, and feeling bad all the time, just for some marginal improvements, is enough to make me really angry again at the whole business. But what else am I going to do? Each time the game of musical chairs is played and I’m left standing I get a little more bitter about dating, and I don’t like being bitter; it doesn’t suit me at all.

But another 10 years of being the spacer filler friend for women between boyfriends is not gonna be ok. Nope, nope, nope.

11 thoughts on “

  1. From what little I know about therapy, it just does not work when you are doing it for someone else, or to appease others. But, when you are there for yourself, and you set real goals, and have a therapist that can help you map out a plan to get to those goals, it works. I think it is the open endness of therapy for so many that just makes it seem like an endless waste of time and money. But with the right therapist, and the right motivation, it seems to help some people.

  2. I am a firm beleiver that EVERYONE can benefit from some counseling, not just those with *issues* or whatever the current catch phrase for general anxiety and malaise over living in the day to day world. Therapy is about you. It is not about other people. It isnt what the doc has to bring to the table EXCEPT (and this is a HUGE except) that there has to be a genuine raport and trust between counselor and conselee. There is a therapist out there to match every individual….shit grad schools are so watered down these days that its a miracle there arent MORE shrinks and lawyers. Oddly enough those two seems to come together…like onions and pork fat…mmmmmm pork fat. anyway having not actually been to therapy my self i cannot *know* what it is. I can however make several educated guesses from the basis of a past life of mystery in intrigue as well as many many friends in mucho counceling. A shrink you feel comfortable with and trust (this doesnt nessecarily mean like) is MORE IMPORTANT than reputation or even the schools they went to since its all about YOU (second person) anyway. So if the first 10 you go to seem to not fit…keep looking you will find one and will probably realise something about your self in the search (added bonus). Here endeth the sermon.

    1. thanks
      It’s more that I did it for 4 years before and went deep into debt and had no life for the whole time and i’m still unhappy. Kind of makes me feel like charlie brown not wanting to kick lucy’s football again, y’know?
      I had pork fat for dinner, though.

      1. Re: thanks
        FWIW, therapy hasn’t made me a completely happy person or solved all the problems I’d like solved, but it *has* helped in a number of ways.
        As always, particularly with this sort of thing. YMMV.
        And pork fat’s always a good thing.

      2. Re: thanks
        i dunno that it fixes you. i think it would be unrealistic to imagine that therapy can just *make* you happy. but i think someone who’s good can help you see patterns in your thoughts or in your behavior that you wouldn’t have noticed without the assistance of an objective outside party who’s trained to notice these things.

  3. I’ve been thinking of changing the online profile to … “Yea, I like quiet evenings at home too. Since I live in a van down by the river, your house sounds really nice. Can I stay on your couch for a couple of weeks?” I figure the potential is all uphill from there.

  4. I personally choose to bypass therapy, Insanity is so much more fun.
    Also: I enjoy being described to others as “unstable” and “a head case”,That brings tears of joy.
    The most brilliant people I know could be classified as insane or depressed.
    I think you’re perfect, You just need to agree.
    Oh, IANAL.

  5. Mmm, headshrinky
    I went to therapy for awhile, and I basically ended up knowing this about myself and the therapist after:
    – I am smarter than you are.
    – What you are saying is puerile and simplistic considering my background and attitude.
    – You couldn’t alter your patterns vis a vis what you’re trying to shove down my throat any more than I can change the way I tie my shoes.
    Maybe there are therapists out there who can actually deal with aggressive, cynical, highly intelligent people, and can alter their “lesson plans” appropriately, so as not to insult them — but I haven’t seen one. T THERAPIST CRAM YOUR DAMN CRYSTALS/INNER CHILD/CALM BLUE OCEAN AND GIVE ME SOME FUCKING ADVICE HERE!
    The most interesting therapist I saw was a very old Chinese man who talked about taoism and relaxation with me. Fortunately, socialized medicine paid for my visits, but had I been paying myself, again, I could have done (and had worked on many of the issues he and I discussed) on my own.
    I know how you feel about being bitter. I mean, I can be cynical and dysphoric and aggressive and depressed and manic, but bitterness just saps my strength and infects everything around me, even more than these other things, and makes me such an unpleasant person. I catch myself saying things I know I don’t mean, but I just don’t… fucking… CARE.
    I wish I could help. Really really really really. You know how to talk to me if you need to. Anytime.

  6. pork! cures all ills! you need to eat more pork!
    food bitch on therapy: it sucks. they’re all stupid. sometimes they’re nice, and some aren’t as stupid as others. you have to spend a lot of time finding one, and they charge you for interviewing them. you might as well get a hooker.

  7. i suppose this is far back enough to comment!
    feel free to ping me should you want to inquire about how to select a GOOD one, if you do indeed return.
    it should NOT be ineffective/incredibly expensive, either.
    i’m fucking living proof of that.

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