Smooth Reactions Part II

A friend of mine is on the board of his condo association and therefore gets to deal with everyone in a very large condo complex. Some of them are quite odd. And then there’s this guy with his security suggestion:

From:
To:
Cc:
Sent: Wednesday, January 15, 2003 3:18 PM
Subject: crime and punishment

Mr. [ ] Since we will no longer have a patrol
force,who will look after the “low-lifes” who are
constantly parking in front of their abodes,allowing
their dogs to leave their calling cards
everywhere,playing loud music,having all kinds of
“parties” on the weekends,allowing their offspring
to run their skateboards,bikes,motorized toys all
over our streets. What about the loud
motorcycles,or the eventual illegal drug use and
business,that will be attracted to our village. Law
enforcement is only good -“after-the-fact”. My
suggestion is that we start a modified neighborhood
watch program, not unlike the vigilante programs of
the past. Accept no excuses.All scuflaws will
receive punishment,immediately. We will dessignate a
“tree-of woe” in a convenient location,where the
maximum number of “good neighbors” can watch, and
if they so desire to even participate. All
scuflaws,their spouses,their offspring,and the foul
creatures that created them [parents] will be
stripped naked,chained to “the tree”,and whipped.
Number of lashes will be determined by the
attending throng of the law-abiding citizens. The
“plan” is to purchase a number of AK-47’s,with the
large capacity magazines,approximately 5000 rounds
of ammunition,the whips and chains can be had at any
of the fun-sex boutiques,black hoods are available
at any costume store and the horses are available at
the stable on the corner of Moulton and ElToro blvd.
Almost forgot,the flaming torches can be had at
HomeDepot,or similar store. Can you imagine the
terror on the faces of the “pond-scum” as they peer
out their windows and see some black-hooded. justice
seekers on horseback armed with the aforementioned
AK-47’s, whips and chains,and blazing torches?
“Oh,the horror”,quote from the movie Apocalipse
Now.. What other plans have been submitted?

7 thoughts on “Smooth Reactions Part II

  1. “Oh,the horror”,quote from the movie Apocalipse
    Now.. What other plans have been submitted?

    perhaps they also intend to leave the heads and skulls of offenders on spikes in prominent places, or hang them from trees over the street?
    is this a paramilitary condo association? 🙂

  2. Mm hmm.
    One of my siblings is a real estate attorney representing a number of condo associations. Let me tell you, this sort of thing is COMMONPLACE in his world.
    Sad/true.

  3. My building has a condo association, and I think a Tree of Woe is just what those officious bastards deserve!
    Imagine: you don’t have enough bureaucracy in your life at work, so you come home to make some more!

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