I have to stuff the thing with food, it gets bloated and lumpy as a result. It gets a bump on its toe, I try to remove the bump, and toxic chemicals burn a hole in the toe. Its liver is acting up and I’m supposed to go in for an oil change, or something. The skin is flaky at times and the damn thing needs daily cleaning. Apparently it’s equipped for a cool feature called ‘sex’ but that turns out to involve all sorts of extra stuff that’s a real pain. Parts of the middle of it miscellaneously and mysteriously hurt. It exudes salty water. And let’s not even talk about I have to go to the trouble of removing from it all the time.
This thing is bogus, it doesn’t live up to the brochure at all.
I think I’ll become a being of light.