The banality of evil: It’s an R.N. now

Email from HR: Never, ever good news. In this case the exciting update that our “deny your health care” company is being upgraded.

Dear VixenCo Health Plan Participant:

Effective September 1, 2006, Nationwide Better Health (“NBH”) will replace SHPS Healthcare Services as the disease management and medical management vendor for the VixenCo Health Plan.

NBH will be an important part of your health coverage. Youl call NBH to get your hospital stay or surgical procedure pre-certified. NBH will also provide access to other valuable services.

Over the next few weeks, you’ll get to know NBH. Watch your mailbox at home and your work e-mail for more information coming soon.

This message is being sent to you by the VixenCo Employee Benefits Department from an e-mail address that does not accept return messages. If you have any questions, please call the Benefits Hotline at (888) 555-1212 or send an e-mail to employee.benefits@VixenCo.com

I especially like “Over the next few weeks, you’ll get to know NBH.”

I have a special deep burning anger in my heart for Utilization Review “nurses.” They’re the Good Germans of the healthcare world, reducing cost by using their medical expertise to choose the cheapest option every time, deny anything they can, and talk people out of seeking care. Nowadays they don’t just keep you from getting surgery or tests, they also send out colorful brochures urging you to call them when you feel unwell so they can keep you from going to the doctor.

Washington, DC: 1861

By invitation of a well-known official, I visited the Navy-Yard yesterday, and witnessed the trial of some newly-invented rifled cannon. The trial was of short duration, and the jury brought in a verdict of “innocent of any intent to kill.”

The first gun tried was similar to those used in the Revolution, except that it had a larger touch-hole, and the carriage was painted green, instead of blue. This novel and ingenious weapon was pointed at a target about sixty yards distant. It didn’t hit it, and as nobody saw any ball, there was much perplexity expressed. A midshipman did say that he thought the ball must have run out of the touch-hole when they loaded up, for which he was instantly expelled from the service. After a long search without finding the ball, there was some thought of summoning the Naval Retiring Board to decide on the matter, when somebody happened to look into the mouth of the cannon, and discovered that the ball hadn’t gone out at all. The inventor said this would happen sometimes, especially if you didn’t put a brick over the touch-hole when you fired the gun. The, Government was so pleased with this explanation, that it ordered forty of the guns on the spot, at two hundred thousand dollars apiece. The guns to be furnished as soon as the war is over.

The next weapon tried was Jink’s double back-action revolving cannon for ferry-boats. It consists of a heavy bronze tube, revolving on a pivot, with both ends open, and a touch-hole in the middle. While one gunner puts a load in at one end, another puts in a load at the other end, and one touch-hole serves for both. Upon applying the match, the gun is whirled swiftly round on a pivot, and both balls fly out in circles, causing great slaughter on both sides. This terrible engine was aimed at the target with great accuracy; but as the gunner has a large family dependent. on him for support, he refused to apply the match. The Government was satisfied without firing, and ordered six of the guns at a million of dollars apiece. The guns to be furnished in time for our next war.

The last weapon subjected to trial was a mountain howitzer of a new pattern. The inventor explained that its great advantage was, that it required no powder. In battle it is placed on the top of a high mountain, and a ball slipped loosely into it. As the enemy passes the foot of the mountain, the gunner in charge tips over the howitzer, and the ball rolls down the side of the mountain into the midst of the doomed foe. The range of this terrible weapon depends greatly on the height of the mountain and the distance to its base. The Government ordered forty of these mountain howitzers at a hundred thousand dollars apiece, to be planted on the first mountains discovered in the enemy’s country.

These are great times for gunsmiths, my boy; and if you find any old cannon around the junk-shops, just send them along.

There is much sensation in nautical circles arising from the immoral conduct of the rebel privateers; but public feeling has been somewhat easier since the invention of a craft for capturing the pirates, by an ingenious Connecticut chap. Yesterday he exhibited a small model of it at a cabinet meeting, and explained it thus:

“You will perceive,” says he to the President, “that the machine itself will only be four times the size of the Great Eastern, and need not cost over a few millions of dollars. I have only got to discover one thing before I can make it perfect. You will observe that it has a steam-engine on board. This engine works a pair of immense iron clamps, which are let, down into the water from the extreme end of a very lengthy horizontal spar. Upon approaching the pirate, the captain orders the engineer to put on steam. Instantly the clamps descend from the end of the spar and clutch the privateer athwartships. Then the engine is reversed, the privateer is lifted bodily out of the water, the spar swings around over the deck, and the pirate ship is let down into the hold by the run. Then shut your hatches, and you have ship and pirates safe and sound.”

The President’s gothic features lighted up beautifully at the words of the great inventor; but in a moment they assumed an expression of doubt, and says he:

“But how are you going to manage, if the privateer fires upon you while you are doing this?”

“My dear sir,” says the inventor, “I told you I had only one thing to discover before I could make the machine perfect, and that’s it.”

So you see, my boy, there’s a prospect of our doing something on the ocean next century, and there’s only one thing in the way of our taking in pirates by the cargo.

Last evening a new brigadier-general, aged ninety-four years, made a speech to Regiment Five, Mackerel Brigade, and then furnished each man with a lead-pencil. He said that, as the Government was disappointed about receiving some provisions it had ordered for the troops, those pencils were intended to enable them to draw their rations as usual; I got a very big pencil, my boy, and have lived on a sheet of paper ever since.

Yours, pensively,

ORPHEUS C. KERR.

Green Auto Primer for the Confused

  1. Hybrid cars are not intended to save fuel, and do so poorly. They are intended to reduce emissions. The reason they exist is that auto makers are required to reduce their overall emissions and to provide some zero emissions vehicle by law. In order to continue producing luxury trucks with inefficient pushrod V-8 engines, they must produce a token amount of the hybrids, on which they lose money. When you purchase one you are personally producing less pollution as you drive, but the overall problem is not solved, nor are these vehicles a solution of any kind to the problem of the car.
  2. Biodiesel requires more petroleum to produce than ordinary petroleum-based fuels, according to recent studies. This is because industrial agriculture in the United States requires so much energy, from the nitrogen fixation to the machinery used, that the fuel oil produced from crops is basically inefficiently converted oil. Biodiesel is a great idea if you already have a source of free biomass around, and it is a great idea for a small number of vehicles that can live off the waste biomass others discard. The overall problem is not solved, nor are these vehicles a solution of any kind to the problem of the car.
  3. Ethanol and ethanol-gasoline mixes do not reduce the U.S. dependence on foreign oil. Ethanol is made almost entirely from corn. The corn is indeed domestically grown in huge quantities and not imported. However, the corn yields depend absolutely on high-powered artificial fertilizers which require so much energy to produce that they are basically congealed electricity. Unless the plants that produce these fertilizers are somehow powered by some unknown renewable or domestic energy source, this country is still absolutely dependent on oil to make the fertilizer so that the corn can be grown and converted into ethanol. When there is a surplus of corn and a temporary shortage of petroleum, ethanol is a fine idea, because it reduces the consumption of gasoline in the short term. The overall problem is not solved, nor are ethanol-based fuels a solution of any kind to the problem of the car.
  4. Great strides have been made in improving the passenger car. If the current technology was appropriately used to its maximum, pollution and fuel consumption from cars could be reduced tremendously. However, almost everything in this country is distributed by truck. It would be difficult to change this, because the country is very spread out. Commercial trucks predominantly use older diesel engines which are inefficient and dirty. Even if every new truck sold was required to be much, much more efficient and clean, the current trucks would be on the road for a long time. Trucks are rarely replaced; they are repaired. It’s very expensive to replace them. Any large-scale change in the trucking industry would require a tremendous amount of government subsidy to compensate the small companies and individual contractors who own these trucks, because they can’t afford to upgrade. A sharp increase in the cost of trucking would be felt throughout the entire company. There is currently no good solution to the problem of the truck.

Have a nice auto-doom!

FLAG DAY

In distress. Not under power, not under control, not under command.

Break break break mayday, mayday, mayday.

Pan pan, pan pan, pan pan. United States Coast Guard Long Beach has received report of a vessel in distress…


latest aristos playing at shepherds fuck entire country

You know what you really don’t want if you live in an impoverished sub-saharan African country? Well, obviously you don’t want flies laying eggs in your eyes or dysentery. One other think you don’t want is asshole famous rich people deciding to have a child there becauses it would be special.

Go find yourself at the Beverly Hills Hotel and let Namibia alone. Or just write a check. Jerks.

Please panic now about everything and do as we say

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/06/05/terror/main1683852.shtml

It starts:

U.S. officials believe Canadian arrests over the weekend and three recent domestic incidents in the United States are evidence the U.S. will soon be hit again by a terrorist attack. Privately, they say, they’d be surprised if it didn’t come by the end of the year, reports CBS News correspondent Jim Stewart in a CBS News exclusive.

Then they go on to say that terrorists are committing robberies in order to finance terror attacks, and list a couple of incidents in which various bad guys had what seemed to be political terrorism objectives.

The fun is all in the last sentence, though:

The next attack here, officials predict, will bear no resemblance to Sept. 11. The casualty toll will not be that high, the target probably not that big. We may not even recognize it for what it is at first, they say. But it’s coming — of that they seem certain.

Okay. So, they’re now reserving the option of pulling out any Very Bad Day that might have some tenuous connection to Islamic extremists and calling it a terrorist incident. If some career criminals who got Muslim names in prison rob a store in a mall and there’s a big ugly shootout, or if some mentally unstable loser with a connection to Islam runs over a lot of people on a sidewalk, or if any number of medium-spectacular crimes occur that they can tie to “terror” in any way, it will be more evidence that we should be afraid and that we should give up yet more liberty.

And the news calls this an “exclusive” and runs it unchallenged. Bleah!

Winners.

I’ve never been a sports fan, but I’m a huge fan of the revolution in women’s sports in the U.S. Title IX went in about when I was in junior high school, and the result has been a huge increase in the respect, encouragement, and resources girls get in the athletic world growing up. Not just women’s sports, but women crashing men’s sports.

The effect on our culture is huge.

I have a special place in my heart for women auto racers, because I am a car nut and because it’s a boy’s club where women can excel. What’s required is endurance, precision, and courage.

GO DANICA!
danica

Also, inexpicable picture of Danica having a toy car race apparently supervised by Madeline Albright on FOX News. ?

what

Welcome to Double Standard, GA

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060404/us_nm/crime_sextourism_dc

Hey! Surprise! Underage prostitution right here in these here now United States! Thriving! The bit on how Georgia is a destination because the penalty is “Only 5 to 20 years” is kind of weak, though. No one wants a 20-year prison sentence.

Best quote: “Another man drove from North Georgia, with a bag containing a teddy bear, a love note and condoms, snorting methamphetamine on the way.” Worst. Red. Sovine. Song. Ever.

story below cut

Old Ladies Kick Ass.

Country stolen by criminals with intent to devastate
4/4/2006

Dear Editor,

I am 92 years of age and I have followed politics in this country for nearly as many years. There were tough times. I became an RN during the Great Depression and have known times of very little; never, however, have I feared more for this country than now.

Our country has been stolen by criminals who I fully believe intend to devastate all of the poor and working classes to benefit this small group of extremely greedy people, the same people who planned to steal our government and managed to pull it off.

I call radio shows and I send letters to members of Congress and to the newspaper. My hope is to make all aware that our government is in the worst of hands largely because of crooked trick voting machines. I have observed that even in very small voting places one machine can deliver several thousand more votes for the neo-con candidates. That is several thousand more then they have registered to vote. Many call for recounts where this kind of things happens only to learn that recounts are not possible. These machines were deliberately designed with no permanent records so there is nothing that can be recounted. That is exactly what has delivered to us the quality of leaders who are presently devastating our country.

I am calling upon all who care, as I do, to do all that we can to bring back honest elections. To make good members of Congress aware of how bad this problem is. We need to try as hard as we can to save this country from devastation. Be assured that the greedy cons have no plans for giving up any of what they have stolen and they are the type that will cheat in all ways they can and probably as much as they need to hang on to it all. I believe our country is truly at stake and we must do what we can to save it.

Alyce Fretland
Eureka

From today’s Eureka (CA) Reporter: ( http://www.eurekareporter.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?ArticleID=9771 )