I often fall asleep with my jeans still on, and later I wake up and get properly undressed for bed. Night before last this happened again. I woke up later feeling very cold. Upon investigation I discovered I was not wearing my pants. Furthermore, I could not find my sheet. Why am I pantsless and uncovered?

I found my jeans at the foot of the bed. Groggy and annoyed, I picked them up. Hmm, they’re kind of stuffed-feeling, what’s.. WHAT? The sheet was wadded up and stuffed in one leg.

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When my cat decides to get in my lap and love me, she kneads me in a kittenish way. When she does this she drools. Is this a kitten preparing to suckle reaction of some kind? Does anyone know? It’s sort of cute and gross at the same time.

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The other day I passed a business that followed my Rule of Business Names, which is that all pet grooming places and low-end hair salons must have horrible cute names. It was called THE DOG SPAW. Now I know what they meant by this, the lame spa/paw joke, but doesn’t DOG SPAW sound like something you have to clean up because your dog ate the soap and some raw bacon?