Shoulder somewhat better but still fucked up. I have a very odd sensation in there, almost an itch, and I’m all spasmy. I’d make a great deformed murderer from an old movie right now, a la Peter Lorre.
I see a physical therapist on Friday. Per hensatc‘s recommendation I am going to a place where all the clinical staff are also certified athletic trainers: Prosport Physical Therapy. I hope they’ll forgive me for being very unathletic.
Since I mostly buy stuff on the internet now, I get the Joy of Package Delivery often. I really like getting a parcel and opening it. Today I got two Pendleton shirts and some geekbooks I need for work.
If I haven’t read and commented on you lately, it’s not ’cause I hate you, it’s ’cause I am reserving my limited typing endurance for work.
I feel politically defeated. I’m on the left end of the Democratic party, more of a social democrat type. My adult life began just as we started to lose ground, and my country has gone inexorably to the right since.
When I was younger, I voted and volunteered and protested, and wrote. Now that I am older and more established, I vote and volunteer and protest and write, and contribute. It doesn’t seem like enough.
At this point I consider my country’s government illegitimate and lawless. The opposition, my party my whole life, is both weak and collaborating. There are very few individual legislators who represent anything like my point of view. I wonder what cause my contributions to the party will support, other than the personal careers of some prominent traitors.
Worst of all, the actual opposition seems totally fragmented. There are various small organizations who all want money and support from me and appear to have my values, but they’re tiny and ignored. The radical left has been navel-gazing since 1969 and the more moderate types I resonate with have no voice.
My question for the group mind is: What can I as an individual do that makes the most impact on this situation? I’m horrible at politics and I do so poorly in political organizations that the whole prospect of getting more involved is both frightening and depressing. It’s like church; as soon as you think you agree with your compatriots someone will bring up a divisive issue and the whole thing falls apart.
Is there a single-issue or focused group that deserves my entire financial and personal support, that’s making a big difference? A candidate or politician perhaps not in my locale who deserves that kind of focus? A cause where I can work without being disillusioned in 30 seconds? I invite suggestion and comment.
I am tired of feeling defeated and marginalized. I’d like to take some ground.
Editorial Note: flamewars in the comments will be deleted. so don’t even.
I went to Kéan today to get more coffee beans. They have the La Lucie, meaning the real La Lucie the way it used to be. Recommend you pick some up if you’re local and like that dark roast Zimbabwean thing.
Neurofeedback today. Brainwaves are getting better (higher beta, lower theta, less gap between).
I thought for two hours that I had lost my “check card” VISA. I hadn’t. It was caught in a snag in a jacket pocket, having fallen out of my wallet.
I read most of the rest of Hardcore Zen today. It’s a damned good book. Thanks, hweimei for the recommendation!
At the angle I can see her, my sleeping cat currently looks like a fuzzy spheroid without features.
I think it’s time to get my dietary stuff back in line right now. I had no breakfast, no lunch, and two dinners today. Mind you they were good dinners and a right amount of food but this isn’t going to work.
Saw Stuart play and some friends tonight. Everyone was cool but for some reason I felt totally socially awkward, like I wasn’t wearing pants. Weird. I think it was just me, though.
Then salome_st_john put up the bat signal that she was about to murder her room mate for reals so I galumphed over there and we went to Kappo Honda (dinner #2). I have to say that lotus root tempura and pumpkin croquette are two of Japanese civilization’s great contributions to the world.
Hurray, I got to see mahakala today! She was at D’s for a bit this afternoon, where I fled after my shrink appointment. It was Old Home Week as other people I rarely see also showed up. Then off to the Indian Burial Ground Coffee House of Doom to see catamorphism and David, who were really nice. We gabbled about big ideas for a while. Amazingly, I was not dragged to Hell by slimy green arms or held down while Morlocks carved swastikas into my nuts or anything. Maybe that curse was a one-time thing. About the coffee house, not catamorphism, silly.
Ate some pasta and an omelette. The cat is freakin’ neurotic lately, clingy and demanding and making that weird barking sound she only makes when she’s demanding something. A fair amount of remedial cat cuddle was necessary to get her back into a humming pleasant state.
After shrinkage I took some photos down the street at the shuttered and crumbling Children’s Nuthouse on Dover. There’s no more reliable source of undergraduate-literary-magazine style urban decay ‘n’ despair than a closed mental institution!
The rest of the set is here on Flickr if you need more anomie ‘n’ ennui.
I myself was doing great today until sometime after I came home and then the bad mood 16-ton weight fell on me. Oops.
One of my favorite states of being is the sweaty, slightly congested, and fully satisfied glow after eating a good curry. That’s the state I inhabit now after making a pot of chicken curry and eating a couple of servings of it over basmati rice. The rice cooker makes perfect basmati if I press the “quick cooking” button.
Today I was driving through the Edge of Civilization portion of South County (Foothill Ranch, Portola) which is a set of brand new shiny suburbs and malls. At one point I looked at the car next to me at a stoplight. It was a brand new Mercedes sedan, with one male occupant in his forties. He had perfect hair. He was smoking a cigar, which being a nerd I recognized as a Hoyo de Monterrey Prensado Oscuro. And his car stereo was blaring… …an evangelical sermon. Acres of Diamonds, people, Acres of Diamonds.
1. Belch a lot
2. Talk to myself and the cat interchangeably
3. Listen to incredibly cheesy guilty pleasure music on repeat
4. Eat macaroni & cheese
5. Drink a whole bottle of wine and mumble to myself
6. Chase the cat around the house
7. Invent new recipes in the kitchen and often flush them down the sink
8. Spiral into inexplicable depression and self-hatred for hours
9. Feel an even more inexplicable nostalgia for Kansas City
10. Write and then erase what I wrote