The Devil’s Own School Bus

School Bus of Fear

On a side street in a wealthy suburban neighborhood overlooking the water, we see: a schoolbus, unmarked, plugged in to someone’s power, clean and obviously customized, with spikes on the front hubcaps. Possibilities include:

  • Cool awesome extreme sports anti-drug mobile extreme awesomeness vehicle!
  • Purpose-built vehicle for school bus races.
  • Intentionally scary Freddy Krueger type schtick by horror movie aficionados/Coil fans/over-the-top leather guys/Turbonegro fans.
  • Bro mistake.

You make the call.

What does this “toy” require of us?

Give me back my filet-o-ghost

The mechanical fish wants us to return the fast-food meal consisting of dismembered and reconstituted real fish that has been fried and then frozen and then reheated and sold at a McDonalds. How are we to respond? Is this a Scrooge/Marley scenario? Is the mechanical fish a vengeful ghost? Can we “give back” this item to the mechanical revenge ghost fish in any way that is meaningful? Why won’t it shut up? How did we get to this place? SHIELD ME FROM THE FISH

Motorcycle club fear

Dear Internet:

I was driving down Western Avenue in Los Angeles last night and a biker guy pulled into traffic ahead of me on his large Harley.

He was wearing the colors of the Chosen Few Motorcycle Club, which is an old school black west coast outfit I’d heard of.

He was also wearing a FULL FACE SHINY METAL GRINNING SKULL DEATH MASK.

I have questions.

Do these guys often wear shiny skull masks?

If not, was he wearing the skull mask for a special occasion like an initiation or baby shower?

If not, was he wearing the mask in order to go do some crimes?

If not, was he wearing the mask because he’s a complete goofball and does stuff like this all the time and the other guys are all “there goes Eugene again!”

If not, was he perhaps not an African-American motorcycle club member at all but one of the numberless army of the dead who walk the earth until the end of days who decided to motorcycle instead of walking?

I thank you for your attention to this matter.

Drums in the deep

Kelly Ramsey passed on this gem from Warren Ellis’ “Bad Signal” mailing list, causing me to resubscribe to the list. Here it is:

bad signal
WARREN ELLIS


It  occurred to me today that Mormon politician Mitt Romney’s
candidacy is, in  part, an experiment to see if America can
handle the idea of a figure of  authority who also believes himself
to be wearing magic underpants.

If that's so, then I think you guys are twelve years away from  a
Scientologist running for President.

And I think you know which  Scientologist I mean.

You're welcome.

-- W