Tag: no

Open Letter: Punk Rock

I got a myspace friend request from a band called “Hey Stroker” ( http://www.myspace.com/heystrokeroc ). Here’s what they have to say about themselves:

Hey everyone you probably haven’t heard of us yet but we’re Hey Stroker a melodic, punk-rock from Mission Viejo, CA in Orange County. Some people say we’re sort of like the Beach Boys playing intriguing pop-punk. We combine screaming guitar leads with punchy bass lines, pounding drum beats, and the well-crafted lyrical and vocal arrangements. Everyone says we sound like Blink 182 but, we don’t. We have a high-octane, radio-friendly sound that’s all our own so whoever says we are a Blink 182 rip-off, FUCK YOU! Activities we enjoy include partying, drinking beer, and surfing thats why most of our music is about chiks, beer, surfing, ex-girlfriends(aka hos), or various parts of the human body mainly pussy, tits, and ass.

Okay. Guys? Punk rock may or may not be melodic, but it’s not radio-friendly, nor is it about “chiks, beer, surfing…” etc. Punk rock lyrics are sometimes about beer and sex, or surfing, but that’s not the point. Punk rock is liberation. When I say “liberation,” I mean liberation from stupid money-grubbing capitalism, consumer culture, war, educational credentialism, smooth nice music, bourgeois sensibilities, bigotry, oppressive politics, official anything, corporate media, TV, suburban self-satisfied smugness, and unthinking racial and gender assumptions. Punk rock is D.I.Y. instead of buying or copying shit. Punk Rock is about being polite to the cop and flipping off the mayor, because the mayor is the problem and the cop is just a worker. Punk rock is about communicating everything above with hard, rough, unrefined and uneducated noise and having a fucking great time doing it and sharing it with everyone else.

In sum, punk rock is about liberation from you. Dump your privilege and your expensive guitars, stop imitating, and start over. You’re still young and you have a chance at the real thing.

Punk rock saved my life. Don’t shit all over it for five bucks when you don’t even know what it is.

And this just in…

From our “Christ, what an asshole” desk here’s the promo copy for 24K Entertainment, who are inexplicably arriving here in Costa Mesa.

This is what a club DJ sounds like when he gets big, big dreams. He sounds like J&H Productions:

Today, 24K emphasizes an energetic, upscale, social nightlife environment for people who enjoy lavish extravagance. With its marketing debut as a nightlife promotion, 24k offers décor and ambience touched with golden accents, elite dancers and a socially exclusive environment. The 24k nightclub is currently in negotiations to expand its nightlife marketing promotion into major metropolitan cities domestically and internationally in select established venues. This expansion will lead into the premiere of branded 24K product lines including bottled water, energy drink, liquor, monthly magazine, calendars TV & radio productions and a 24K sportswear line for men & women.

AND IN THE STADIUMS AND COLISEUMS PERTAINING TO THE LABEL INDUSTRY AND MAJOR PERFORMING ARTISTS SUCH AS

AND NOW, THE INTERNET

Add Me On These WebsitesAdd Me On Bolt.com My Website I CreatedRate Me On HotOrNot.ComMy Pictures at PictureTrail.com What Do You Really Think Of Me? Random Funny Sites You Should SeeThe Best Website In The UniverseBadger Badger BADGERStrongBad Techno RaveLitterbox: Bag of BonesBunnies: My Friend Created This Work Of ArtPost Your Secret Gollum RappingThe VW Is IndestructablePolitical Websites You Must Check OutJust How Much Warning Did The Bush Administration Get About 9/11?Fahrenheit 9/11 MessageBoard On IMDBCoalition Casualites In Iraq: They are Real PeopleAnySolder.Com: Send Care Packages to These SoldiersMove-On.OrgSign The John Conyvers Petition to Make Bush Answer To The Downing Street MemoSorry Everybody Gallery

WOTD: “Princesstute”

The reliably informative Exploding Aardvark has a roundup of 581% inappropriate toys for girls. If I had a 9 year old she would not get any of this shit.

Major points for the phrase “girl power index” and the sentence “Next year, Disney Fairies will be rolled out in earnest.”

Yet another example of the Women Now Empowered By Everything Women Does phenomenon. I support giving 9 year old girls zip guns and dropping them off at Disney headquarters.

Wouldn’t have had much fun in Stalingrad

vanmojo alerted me to something very special about this year’s Rose Parade. For those outside the US, the Rose Parade is a huge New Year’s Day event connected with the Rose Bowl college football game. Corporations make giant floats, high school bands march, and it goes on forever.

Because 2007 will be the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, George Lucas will be the grand marshal. And also because of this, the 501st Legion will be marching in the parade.

charity stormtroopersHaving a lot of Star Wars stuff in the parade sounds cool. Maybe some of the actors from the original movie, or a bunch of wookies. But no. This will be a large gathering of the Imperial Stormtroopers marching by in review.

The 501st has a long and hilarious history of charity appearances, each of which is more like an Onion article than the others. And they’re just costumed nerds, I know.

So I guess it’s perfectly fine to have the brutal, oppressive cannon fodder minions of the dark Empire marching proudly in our parade. You know, the ones who kill and burn Luke’s family at the beginning of the original movie. And it’s totally cool also to have a group named after the Nazi murderers who slaughtered millions of innocents in a horrific war of aggression, carrying out the most notorious genocide in the history of mankind. In fact, it should be awesome!

No wait, it’s that other thing: shockingly ignorant and offensive!

Someone please tell me this is a long drawn-out prank by Mel Brooks. Please.

Edit:Lucas’ extensive ripoffs from The Triumph of the Will just aren’t helping here either. Pasadena is the new Nuremberg.

Letter to the OC Weekly that will not be published

Dear The OC Weekly:

Please reboot your paper. You have maybe 3 or 4 good writers left: Arellano, Moxley, Schou. Ziegler’s Meltzer riff on Matt McCluer was good last week. The rest is painful: a depressing and irresponsible guide to holiday drinking, a Social Distortion tribute band, a review of a Paul Frank party, a botched mess of a feature that should have been excellent about the Asian sex mystique, and the worst circle-jerk of solipsistic first-person journalism ever seen. Reading the Weekly now is watching a party clique amuse themselves and each other. One friend of mine suggests that each feature should be indexed to its corresponding episode of “Arrested Development.”

There is a spanish phrase “verguenza ajena” which means “pain on seeing the embarrassment of others.” It’s the cringe sensation, and we’re feeling it for you. Improve!

best,

Blogquote of the day

From torgo_x in another thread, the answer to the question: “What do those right-wing evangelicals want, anyway?”:

~ What they want ~
I'm in your HOUSE!
They wanna meet the President of Jesus and tour the Holiness Factory and all the oompa loompas are wearing nice suits and smiling and it looks like a set from Dynasty on the TV except it’s real, and then James Baker runs up and gives them a kissykiss and everyone giggles, and everyone gonna getta big chocolate Jesus with magic gold USA flag wrapper yaaay.

Then all sortsa Jewwwws and gayinese commniststs and Alkalaidas show up and say “gawwd, we were so… [sobbing] SO WRONG! And you were right! SUPERSORRY!” and there’s hugging and crying and Dr Phil is there to make sure it’s all very solemn/joyous. Except the Alkalaini, he goes “yalalala” and hits his detonator button, ohno! But his chestbomb thing comically goes “PFFFT!”, and he cries and runs away all spazzy and everyone laughs at him REALLY LOUD. (The Oompa Loompas will catch him and lynch him. Applause.)

Then everyone gets a gift bag of “victory swag” and they’re all instantly [special effect!] wearing the clever “GOT JESUS???” etc t-shirts. So from now on, everyone will treat them like they’re smart and popular! And the air conditioning never breaks.

And one of the ‘Loomps gives a happy speech and everyone smiles and claps.

And then it’s off to a special advance screening of Apocalypto!!

In an aquarium full of lube. Forever. nevar fogret