Who needs money when you’re soaked in steaming hot infected brain tissue?

I am at a Starbucks and there are morons talking about blogs, demographics, and “making or breaking bands.” The guy are talking about shit like “Yeah if someone looks for a band like Yo La Tengo then I get a list of that” and “Most of the blogs are just advertising stuff but some of those kids get, like, credentialed.” I think one of them just said that a band had a “web tour.” also: “THERE’S ACTUALLY SOME REALLY GOOD CELEBRITY SITES!!!”

One of them has Hippie Hair that he saw on a TV movie repeat from 1981 in 2003, clearly, complete with headband. I think they’ve mentioned Seattle about 8 times in the last 5 minutes.

I never remember to bring the kukri or the short-barrel 10-gauge when it’s really, really needed.

TLÉÉ’

i dumped the leisuretown lines onna webpage

Mostly so I could giggle at them on the sidekick, but here they are

http://www.masculinehygiene.com/leisure.html

I CALL THEM ONLINE CYBERTOONZ!!! UPDATED EACH MONDAY!!! wheeze, choke
Hint: ASTERISKS REALLY **LEAP** OUT AND MAKE POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS GIVE A SHIT
JESUS CHRIST – JUST CLEAR THE BUFFER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
MY CD PLAYER IS SQUEAKING AND SQUAWKING LIKE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONCEPT OF A “MODEM WIZARD”
WHY YES!!! I’D LOVE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR FANTASY BASKETBALL TEAM!!!

and many, many other hits

Everything is attainable.

Brent wants to be my friend. This is awesome, because Brent runs Absolute Power Dating, a resource for guys just like me to get dating tijps that are absolute, and powerful.

Brent could actually use a little bit of my help with language. I understand that, in his latest blog entry, he means to say that socially inept ugly guys can too get that dreamgirl they saw on the tv, but “UNATTAINABLE MY ASS!” sounds more like the weak protest of the bi-curious man on the edge. Oh it’s attainable all right, Brent. You’re such a tease.

Courtesy my brother, a piece of cop prose

“Detectives alertly moved in on that vehicle and that male tried to ram that vehicle, two other vehicles on that scene. He subsequently exits the vehicle and as he’s running away detectives can clearly see this male is attempting to pull a gun out of his back pocket. At some point in time he is chased around the corner and two detectives discharged their weapons.”

This just in from the world of spam today

Susan J. Sneed says: “lose the anglicise”. But Susan, shouldn’t you lose yours first?

Octane H. Hippies, Simplified A. Duress, Skyline O. Oppressing, Commissioner C. Fleas, and Unscrambled J. Aggressors all shared with me everything for my 100% health.

Sot J. Contradict alleged that there were beautiful Russian girls waiting for me.

And although the message was about ringtones, at first I really wondered if the people calling themselves “Customize Your Cell” were reaching their target market properly.

Greatest hits of the custom friends lists

LJ-Toys tracks, among other things, which custom friend groups you’re in on others’ lists. Today a new feature was brought out; a list of all such groups they track. Some of my favorites:

Allbutwindbag
Drug (extra filtered)
gorgons
No Gibbet
not florida chick
Not Leah (that’s two in a row excluding turnip!)
party minus maciej (sorry, Maciej)
people who don’t make me creepy-creepy
Pregnancy secret
everyone but damnportlanders
megawankers
music-goofy clique free
not jameth (lols)
ARG ROOMMATES
Important People Not Megan
no dog star
Random Sluts

Comic Book Guy meets a girl

My Indian/Arabic Beauty – m4w – 28
Reply to: pers-160362531@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-05-13, 4:36AM PDT

Who are you? I ask myself. It was just another Friday; bunch of friends hanging out, hoping to meet that one person that will change their lives but knowing that most likely that would not happen. Because of this, expectations were low and passing time was the goal. The first 2 hours played out as expected: the conventional few drinks and common questions. How’s your week? Is your boss still a prick? What’s your plan for tomorrow?

I was about to call it a night, when I decided to get my last drink at the Shark’s Club. Then it happened. That moment that will cause me to stay up till 3 AM and write this letter.

As I waited to order my drink, I bumped into you at the bar. Even though shy by nature, I felt compelled to at least say one phrase to you. Maybe; hi, how are you? To be honest, I don’t remember what was said, but I knew we hit it off instantly as we began to talk about favorite alcoholic beverages. You, I presumed are a Coke and Vodka fan. You asked me to share a drink and I refused at first since I was the designated driver for the night. But your easy-going personality and mixed Indian and Arabic beauty gave me no choice but to relent. As we continued the generalities of an introduction, the connection became stronger. You know that feeling that this might be more than just coincident. Maybe this will go beyond the casual encounter.
I mentioned to you that my favorite concoction was a Jaegermeister and a Red Bull mix and you laughed. Some may take it as nothing more than impoliteness; however, I felt totally connected. It’s that feeling that you might have found that one person that will at least be worth a second or third date. I decided to introduce you to my buddy and he thought you were cool. Maybe too cool since you scared away the girl that he was hitting on. We began to talk and you mentioned that you like trance music and you were going to a place called Avalon in LA tomorrow. Where is Avalon I would normally ask? However, it turns out my buddy knows the place and had planned for us go there tomorrow. Ask I stared at you again, I kept on thinking about that magic word that people always use: connection. You made fun of me and I thought how cool. What girl makes fun of a guy at first sight and drags him out to the dance floor? Still half dazed and confused, we went to meet your friends on the dance floor. But as fate would have it, as we move through the crowded joint, we got separated.

Believe me when I tell you that I frantically searched every corner for you. Maybe it was only a few minutes; maybe more, however, it felt like an eternity trying to find you. During that time, part of me imagined that you too are also looking for me. But the pessimistic side said: bad omen. Here comes another Friday: one where frustration rules and hook-up with the wrong person is the norm. Eventually, I saw you again near the bar, talking to two other guys: one shaved and looking like he served our country well. My heart dropped: a precipitous fall from its once high. We eventually made eye contact but instead of coming back to me, as I would have wished, you continued to talk to the interloper. Believe me, when I say, my whole being just wanted to approach the player and kick his ass; however, some stupid moral constraint prevented me from doing the instinctive.

Here I stand, in a state of denial; unable to cope with the loss of the Indian/Arabic beauty that haunts my sleep; angry at her for not reciprocating my desire for her and worst failing to get her number. It’s now 3 AM and I am writing this letter in hopes that YOU somehow get this message and write back. I know it is a small chance, but what alternative to do I have?

* this is in or around Costa Mesa
* no — it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests