Tag: idiots

AREA MORONS ADVISE PANIC

Seattle residents: Please blow up KING-TV and everyone quoted in this article. Thanks. Courtesy do_not_lick:

The secret online code that keeps parents in the dark

10:50 PM PDT on Wednesday, May 10, 2006

LORI MATSUKAWA / KING 5 News

Sixteen-year-old Niles Jeran uses “leet speak,” an online lingo system that’s popular with kids. His friends use it too.

“I can see why parents would be worried just because it could, it can lead to danger,” he said.

“LOL” for “laughing out loud” and “TTYL” for “talk to ya later” sound innocent enough, but if you look behind some other acronyms, there could be something sinister.

“I can see why parents would be worried just because it could, it can lead to danger,” said Jeran.

Here’s why they’re worried:

– “KPC“ means “keeping parents clueless.”

– “POS” means “parent over the shoulder.”

– “GYPO” means “get your pants off.”

– “TDTM” means “talk dirty to me.”

“If you see that on your child’s screen they’re talking to somebody they shouldn’t be,” said Al Kush of Seattle-based WiredSafety.org, an Internet safety Web site for parents and teens.
Resources

Wiredsafety.org

Teenangels.org

NetLingo Internet dictionary

NoSlang.com

Parentsedge.com

He says some leet speak is harmless, but some like TDTM is a red flag.

“That could be the first step towards blackmailing to get a kid to perform sex acts,” he said.

“NIFOC is one of the terms they will sometimes use and it means ‘naked in front of computer,’” said Kush.

And leet speak gets even sneakier. Some words replace letters with numbers and symbols.

“There are too many predators out there that could endanger their kids’ lives or could sexualize them too early by sending unwanted messages and pictures and things like that and Leet speak is just a gateway to all of that,” said family therapist Barbara Melton.

Some counselors even specialize in internet issues like this.

Susan Shankle counseled one family whose young daughter started a steamy online affair right in front of them.

“While the mom was cooking dinner and the dad was watching television, the daughter, who was 11 at the time, was carrying on this conversation with this older man,” she said.

And her parents constantly checked the messages, too.

There is a way to learn the lingo, and that’s by going online yourself. There are Web sites with online dictionaries and translators to help, like Teenangels.org or Netlingo.com.

Wiredsafety.org operates the Teenangels.org site. There, they offer a chat translator to help parents learn the lingo.

Wiredsafety says some parental control software may also help.

the “Nice Guy” thing, wankipedia edition

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy_syndrome

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Nice_guy_syndrome

The talk page isn’t quite what it could be. I was hoping for a real dust-up between self-diagnosed “nice guys” and the women who hate them, but it’s pretty tame.

At least the first few words are correct: “folk psychology” about covers it.

hay guys lets make r own sciense @ home by puling it out of our ases lol

O tempura! O morays!

  1. Old school artpunk/noise/guitar band Mission of Burma has a site for their next album, The Obliterati that includes a wiki, a song-by-song revelation of the new record, and links to Matador’s subscription setup. Snazzy!
  2. Surprise! If the drug company funds the story, they get the result they want a lot of the time. Meanwhile the more effective medication is out of patent and not used. Oops.
  3. When a person becomes a millionaire, some things just have to change. The shoes. The house. The car. The spouse. And, of course, the email service. I wonder how much they’ll charge for the list of 10,000 people who paid $400 a month for webmail? Talk about an ultimate sucker list.
  4. Watch Hugo Chavez bitch out Dubbya in broken English (.wmv video). Streaming quicktime mirror on my site as well.
  5. As jwz said, if you are a compulsive knot untier, this game will eat you. You’re welcome!

Freedom Science Strikes Again

If you can’t be part of the solution, there’s always money to be made inventing a new problem. That’s how we got new diseases like halitosis and ring around the collar. There’s a product, so let’s create a need: a disease is a good one.

Our enemies—waxy buildup, salmon going red in the can, the invisible filth on our faces—can only be defeated with the help of heroic product managers. This is an old story.

If what you’re selling is the absence of something, the task is a little easier. Best way is to launch a crusade of health and morals against your target. I recommend just lying like crazy ’cause it works great. Today’s example:

http://www.caffeineawareness.org/

The caffeine-free products industry now has its own Reefer Madness, in which the most harmless and beneficial of stimulants turns out to be the worserest thing you can do! Just ask this scientician!

There’s trouble in River City…

thanks to salome_st_john for this

The shooter, a member of the Dumbass-American Community…

Sometimes the kids and their subcultures should be ignored. I mean, you know, your kid is gonna be a goth or something, it happens, they’re all angsty, and then they get their AA and learn drywall or something and just start drinking like you.

Or then there’s the other times, when the neo-nazi gaybashing satanic evil clown rap/metal stupidocrat ultraviolence culture they’re immersed in turns out to be for real.

computers are hard and the government spies on me from the air vent

flata points out that some people lost their heads because the all-knowing government spy agency, the NSA, put cookies on people’s computers.

A “privacy advocate” named Daniel Brandt is upset about this, and has previously been upset about the CIA using persistent cookies on their public website.

I feel sorry for the web monkey who put those in for whatever boring typical reason people use persistent cookies, because that person is in big trouble. I also think that a “no persistent cookies” policy for websites of this kind is a fine idea, almost entirely because it reduces this kind of pointless paranoia. But let’s get real, here. You can turn off cookies, and anyone who’s serious about privacy does. There’s no way the NSA is using persistent cookies to track individual website visitors; that’s inane.

Danny boy, the NSA has shit you don’t even know about, probably archiving the entire Internet way better than Alexa and analyzing it and putting it in databases and crunching it up to find Al-Qaeda and screw the Chinese. They don’t need “cookies”, okay? Oh, and by the way, you keep mispelling “rendez-vous” in your emails to your mistress, the one in Dayton. Get that shit straight, okay?

This was almost as “good” as the podjacking idiot.

Surefire retirement plan.

Find the person who’s got the idea for the next generation technology that will make tattoo removal quicker, cheaper, and less painful.

Invest in this person’s business or patent as much as possible.

Wait ten years.

Retire and slurp umbrella drinks on the beach in Tahiti.

If I find the right technology there is no possible way this strategy can fail.

Their Thetanic Majesties Request

Edit: feisty_robot points out that this was originally a satire piece, and that the editors of the Toronto Fashion Monitor had been taken in. I guess they’re no longer the continent’s paper of record for me!

Every time he opens his mouth, he brings me joy, and I can forget the world’s cares for a few more moments. I had no idea that Brooke Shields had a multicentury career of evil behind her! I thought it was restricted to Blue Lagoon.

Scientologist Tom Cruise revealed that he is much older than the forty three years he has spent in his present body.

Tom Cruise noted that he is “old beyond reckoning.” What’s more, his current life is “probably one of the least satisfying” he has led.

“I was much happier in previous existences when I wrote plays, composed music, conquered nations, discovered continents, and developed cures for diseases,” said Tom Cruise.

Cruise said he became aware that he “had been here before,” when he read the complete works of Shakespeare in a month, despite being dyslexic, not long after dropping out of high school.

“Shakespeare was deja vu for me,” said Tom Cruise. “It was so cool. I felt as if I had seen his words already, knew them all by heart. Then, after I began studying scientology, I realized the words had come from my heart in a previous life. That’s why I say that as glorious and enviable as my present life is, making “War of the Worlds” and all those other great movies can’t compare to writing “Romeo and Juliet” or the sonnets.

In addition to recognizing his days of future passed in the works of Shakespeare and Bach—and in the achievements of Columbus and Napoleon—Cruise recognizes the continuing reappearance of “Anti-Thetanic forces,” such as Matt Lauer and Brooke Shields, with whom he has clashed in former lives.

http://toronto.fashion-monitor.com/news.php/Celebrity_Style/2005082202tom_cruise (via blogging.la)