The Devil’s Own School Bus

School Bus of Fear

On a side street in a wealthy suburban neighborhood overlooking the water, we see: a schoolbus, unmarked, plugged in to someone’s power, clean and obviously customized, with spikes on the front hubcaps. Possibilities include:

  • Cool awesome extreme sports anti-drug mobile extreme awesomeness vehicle!
  • Purpose-built vehicle for school bus races.
  • Intentionally scary Freddy Krueger type schtick by horror movie aficionados/Coil fans/over-the-top leather guys/Turbonegro fans.
  • Bro mistake.

You make the call.

grawk

jonathan livingston asshole

Seagulls, as you know, never falter, never stall. To stall in the 
air is for them disgrace and it is dishonour. 
 But Jonathan Livingston Seagull, unashamed, stretching his 
wings again in that trembling hard curve - slowing, slowing, 
and stalling once more - was no ordinary bird.

You’re going downtown, kid. Then we’ll all listen.

I can’t wait for journalists to discover other teen risks such as “buttsex,” “alco-hol,” and “military enlistment.” I hope Kim Komando was on vacation when someone wrote this, because I remember her as smart and funny and pretty much sane.

Web delivers new worry for parents: Digital drugs

We all know that music can alter your mood. Sad songs can make you cry. Upbeat songs may give you an energy boost. But can music create the same effects as illegal drugs?

This seems like a ridiculous question. But websites are targeting your children with so-called digital drugs. These are audio files designed to induce drug-like effects.

All your child needs is a music player and headphones.

actually, it is ridiculous. sorry

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME. THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE… CAMARILLO?

This just in:
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN OXNARD HAS ISSUED A * TORNADO WARNING FOR… SOUTHWEST LOS ANGELES COUNTY IN SOUTHWEST CALIFORNIA INCLUDING THE CITIES OF MALIBU… PACIFIC PALISADES AND TOPANGA … * UNTIL 945 PM PST * AT 836 PM PST… NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WITH ROTATION CAPABLE OF PRODUCING A TORNADO. THE CELL WAS LOCATED 5 MILES SOUTH OF MALIBU MOVING NORTH NORTHEAST AT 25 MPH. IT SHOULD AFFECT MALIBU AND PACIFIC PALISADES BEFORE 900 PM PST.
Instruction:
IF IN MOBILE HOMES OR VEHICLES…EVACUATE THEM AND GET INSIDE A SUBSTANTIAL SHELTER. IF NO SHELTER IS AVAILABLE… LIE FLAT IN THE NEAREST DITCH OR OTHER LOW SPOT AND COVER YOUR HEAD WITH YOUR HANDS

HAPPY DEVILBALL IS YOUR NEMESIS/FRIEND

I own a strange object. It is a plastic ball about the size of a baseball, with a hole in it, a dial, and some lettering identifying it as a “treat ball.” Like other such objects, it’s intended to amuse animals by leading them to poke at the ball and get treats. The twist with this particular one is that you can record your voice (or other sounds) so that the ball, when batted about, plays a short sound clip. I’m not sure what effect it’s supposed to have on the pet.

This particular treat ball was given to me by a friend. The voice recorded within is that of her ex mother-in-law, who is a unique person in that she’s a series of DSM-IV codes. I won’t go into it. However, the sound that issues from the ball is a breathy high woman’s voice, pleading with you.

The final effect is similar to that of the glowing-pulsating-red-heart ghost bride at Disneyland’s Haunted House, calling you back, back, back to the grave.

I had it around the house for a couple years at least. It was on a little used desk but sometimes I bumped it and the voice came out. A couple of times it went off unexpectedly, which was a treat. My cat just looks at me funny when it makes noise.

Recently I put it in my car’s trunk. I am not sure why; maybe I meant to take it to someone’s house and make them afraid. Anyway, I would hear it when I braked or took a hard turn, or went over a bump. For a while I didn’t realize what the sound was and kept thinking it was the stereo or maybe my phone having pocketdialed someone. I found it in the trunk again today and thought I should remove it because constant use would run down a battery.

Anyway I camvideo’d it:

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