THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME. THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE… CAMARILLO?

This just in:
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN OXNARD HAS ISSUED A * TORNADO WARNING FOR… SOUTHWEST LOS ANGELES COUNTY IN SOUTHWEST CALIFORNIA INCLUDING THE CITIES OF MALIBU… PACIFIC PALISADES AND TOPANGA … * UNTIL 945 PM PST * AT 836 PM PST… NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WITH ROTATION CAPABLE OF PRODUCING A TORNADO. THE CELL WAS LOCATED 5 MILES SOUTH OF MALIBU MOVING NORTH NORTHEAST AT 25 MPH. IT SHOULD AFFECT MALIBU AND PACIFIC PALISADES BEFORE 900 PM PST.
Instruction:
IF IN MOBILE HOMES OR VEHICLES…EVACUATE THEM AND GET INSIDE A SUBSTANTIAL SHELTER. IF NO SHELTER IS AVAILABLE… LIE FLAT IN THE NEAREST DITCH OR OTHER LOW SPOT AND COVER YOUR HEAD WITH YOUR HANDS

19 thoughts on “THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME. THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE… CAMARILLO?

    1. it gets “better”
      AT 912 PST…NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WITH STRONG ROTATION CAPABLE OF PRODUCING A TORNADO. THE CELL WAS 4 MILES SOUTH SOUTHWEST OF LONG BEACH… AND WAS MOVING NORTH AT 25 MPH. IT WILL MOVE ONSHORE BY 930 PM PST. OTHER LOCATIONS IN THE WARNING INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO HAWTHORNE…TORRANCE AND LYNWOOD
      This should surprise the gangbangers!

  1. LIE FLAT IN THE NEAREST DITCH OR OTHER LOW SPOT AND COVER YOUR HEAD WITH YOUR HANDS
    Um, for how long?
    UNTIL WE TELL YOU TO GET UP.
    Starting when?
    RIGHT NOW. GO. DO IT.
    Okay.

    Are you laughing at me?
    NO. THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER. NOW PLEASE COVER YOUR BUTT WITH YOUR HANDS.

  2. Special Update Bulletin from the White House Office of Climate Control:

    012308;0145est — INCREASES IN OUT OF PLACE, VIOLENT WEATHER INCIDENTS IS LIBERAL HIPPY JUNK SCIENCE TALK FROM FRANCE. BREAK. CONTINUE CONSUMING, CITIZENS


    (wow… just think how that would have read without that last comma: “continue comsuming citizens…)
    mojo sends

  3. Oh dear. That lying flat in the ditch bit. I’m reminded of the joke on the old Cold War public school nuke alert drill: bend over, put your head between your knees, and kiss your ass goodbye.

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