1282: On or about this day, at Inverkeithing, Fife, a parish priest named John parades a “wooden image of the male members of generation” accompanied by young women, urging them “to licentious actions by his no less licentious language”; obviously he is celebrating Something on a Stick Day
From torgo_x in another thread, the answer to the question: “What do those right-wing evangelicals want, anyway?”:
~ What they want ~
They wanna meet the President of Jesus and tour the Holiness Factory and all the oompa loompas are wearing nice suits and smiling and it looks like a set from Dynasty on the TV except it’s real, and then James Baker runs up and gives them a kissykiss and everyone giggles, and everyone gonna getta big chocolate Jesus with magic gold USA flag wrapper yaaay.
Then all sortsa Jewwwws and gayinese commniststs and Alkalaidas show up and say “gawwd, we were so… [sobbing] SO WRONG! And you were right! SUPERSORRY!” and there’s hugging and crying and Dr Phil is there to make sure it’s all very solemn/joyous. Except the Alkalaini, he goes “yalalala” and hits his detonator button, ohno! But his chestbomb thing comically goes “PFFFT!”, and he cries and runs away all spazzy and everyone laughs at him REALLY LOUD. (The Oompa Loompas will catch him and lynch him. Applause.)
Then everyone gets a gift bag of “victory swag” and they’re all instantly [special effect!] wearing the clever “GOT JESUS???” etc t-shirts. So from now on, everyone will treat them like they’re smart and popular! And the air conditioning never breaks.
And one of the ‘Loomps gives a happy speech and everyone smiles and claps.
And then it’s off to a special advance screening of Apocalypto!!
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