Tag: doh

unfortunate criminal name of the day

Man faces jail time for selling crack

A City of Poughkeepsie man faces a stint in jail for dealing crack in the city last year.

Landocalrissan Butler, 25, of Winnikee Avenue, entered a guilty plea Tuesday in Dutchess County Court to attempted criminal possession of a controlled substance, a felony. Butler told Judge Thomas J. Dolan he had five small bags of crack in his pocket Dec. 22 when police arrested him on Morgan Avenue. He said he intended to sell the drugs.

In exchange for his plea, Butler was promised a sentence of six months in jail and five years on probation. He will also be required to forfeit a cell phone and $432 police said he obtained through illegal drug sales.

Butler remains jailed pending his sentencing, scheduled for April 4.

Jalopnik’s Enzo Crash Roundup

http://www.jalopnik.com/cars/news/bended-enzo-roundup-156178.php

To summarize:

  1. Don’t drive drunk.
  2. Don’t drive 150 mph on PCH.
  3. Particularly, do not drive your $1 million Ferrari Enzo drunk on PCH, although that derives from 1 and 2 above.
  4. When you are the registered owner of the car which you have crashed drunk at 150 mph, it does not do any good to switch seats and say the driver ran away. This is especially true if you are the registered owner of the vehicle and your blood is all over the airbag.
  5. Do not be a current or former exec of Gizmondo, even if you have not made any of the above mistakes.

via Strange New Products: H2OM

So, you know, bottled water. Most of it is somewhat-filtered tap water. Gotta have a gimmick to sell it. Sometimes they put vitamins or electrolytes in it, not a bad idea. Sometimes they put caffeine or a little bit of fruit in it, okay. Sometimes they claim they’ve put oxygen in it to make you more oxygen-y, which is pathetic. Or they just want you to like them, so they put a picture of someone nice on it.

And then there’s water that’s been… …liked. The good folks at H2OM Water sell “Water with Intention”.

You all may remember an insane Japanese man who says that water changes when you think nice thoughts. “The Hidden Messages in Water”, etc. He was in that movie “Do You Fucking Expect Me to Believe This Shit” or whatever it was called. He’s an affable lunatic. Mix affable lunacy with marketing and you have our next Dr. Bronner.

Inspired by these studies, H2Om was created. A crystal clear natural spring water brand infused with the power of intention through words, music and thought. We gratefully offer you an interactive invitation to drink in and resonate with the vibrational frequencies of Love and Perfect Health.

Now absolute purity comes in Five Fantastic Infusions

NOW AVAILABLE:
LOVE
PERFECT HEALTH

COMING SOON:
WILL POWER
PROSPERITY
and
GRATITUDE

I’m glad they’re coming out with the gratitude one, because after I’ve got love and perfect health I’ll be needing to feel more grateful.

Reading their infusion process, it seems to consist of 1) picking out a label color and 2) playing music at the water in a warehouse.

Science was cool, wasn’t it? Man I’m nostalgic already.

you steal… …nussink from me.

Someone broke into one of my credit card accounts online. I discovered this because I got email confirming my mailing address change. My… what? I signed on and had to reset the password, which had been changed. This can’t be good. Hey! I have an address in New York City now?

I called them up and after some confusion we confirmed that I do not live in New York, nor did I buy anything from eBay today. They’re sending me a new card. More unfortunately, the rep told me that whoever changed my address had the security code from the back of the card, indicating that they’d either had physical possession of the card at one time, had sold me something online, or had cracked some database at Chase (he didn’t mention that last possibility).

Punchline: The account that was compromised only had $160 in credit available on it.

BANG.

As several people have pointed out, there ain’t no such thing as an accidental shooting. If you shoot someone, the best you can hope for is a verdict of negligence. The first law of firearms is: Yes, the gun is loaded.1 You keep your finger off the trigger, you don’t point at your friends, you don’t point at things behind which you have friends.

If you give your hunting buddy a birdshot facial, you broke some of those rules.

He should be forced to do embarrassing public service announcements about the topic.

Maybe dressed up in a fairy suit. “Hi there. I’m Dick Cheney, and I’m dressed up as one of the Ammo Fairies to make a point. You know, the Ammo Fairies? They go around putting ammunition in unloaded guns when no one is looking. That means you should always assume a gun is loaded! Some folks may think the Ammo Fairies don’t really exist, but people who believe in them live longer than people who don’t! Ho, ho, ho! Time for me to buzz off! Just remember: follow the rules, and you won’t end up on national TV in a god-damned fairy suit!”

1This is parallel to the First Law of Chemistry which states: Yes, the Glass is Hot

via mendel Tattoos, brain surgery, and parachutes

Woman With Tattoo From Homemade Gun Got Sick

tatSPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Some women in Springfield are regretting their decision last week to get a tattoo from a door-to-door tattoo salesman. At least one person had to be hospitalized and the others face serious health risks.

Friday night, a man knocked on doors holding a tattoo gun and offering his services. Tamra Eason described the tool as homemade, but still agreed to pay for a tattoo. So did two other women in her apartment complex.

“It was wrapped with black tape, had a pin underneath it, had fishing wire going through it, you could tell it was a homemade gun,” Eason said.

The next day, Linda Falls passed out and had to be hospitalized.

“I passed out in the store and they said I should have it checked out,” Falls said.

All the women have an infection in the tattoo area and have been told to get tested for HIV and hepatitis.

The health department said it’s always worth the extra money to get a tattoo from a licensed professional with the right equipment and sterilization procedures.

tat2“Getting a tattoo is like a wound. There’s a risk of disease that may be long term or life threatening. It’s a serious decision,” said Jaci McReynalds, with the Greene County Health Department.

It is illegal in Missouri to give a tattoo without a license, so if several people file complaints with the state, the county prosecutor will pursue the case.

“Beware of deals in parachutes, brain surgery and tattoos,” said Miller Cotton, a tattoo parlor owner.

“We just wanted tattoos, and now we’re paying for it,” Eason said.