fan letter sent to portbrewing.com just now

WELP,

I JUST HAD A 22 OUNCE BOTTLE OF YOUR SECOND ANNIVERSARY ALE. IT BLEW UP THE TOP OF MY HEAD AND TOOK MUCH OF THE SKULL CLEAN OFF. I SUPPOSE I WILL REGRET THIS LATER ON BUT IT WAS SO MUCH FUN GETTING THERE THAT I’M STILL HAPPY WITH THE RESULT.

I HAVE NEVER ENJOYED ILLEGAL DRUGS BUT I THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING SIMILAR TO HASHISH IN THERE DUE TO THE INTENSE NEARLY OILY HOP FLAVOR. DEAR GOD THAT WAS GOOD. THE GUY AT HI-TIME WINE KEPT IT IN A LOCKER AND I THINK THAT IS GOOD BECAUSE THIS IS A GENUINELY DANGEROUS LIQUID.

THANK YOU FOR COMPLETELY DESTROYING MY SKULL, MY BRAIN, AND MY HIGHER REASONING IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. I SALUTE YOU FOR SUPERIOR AND DEADLY BREWING.

SALUD,

CONRAD

The back of loaf

  1. Silver Spoon Considered Harmful.
  2. Massive Fandom Wank containing the phrase “fandom unity luncheon” somewhere in it. Jesus H. Christ.
  3. Abstain from sex; win fries.
  4. List of unusual deaths (Wikipedia).
  5. I refuse to believe that smllr is a real service. Only John Waters can do Smell-O-Vision anyway.
  6. Doom awaits kitchen gadget lovers: Sur La Table is having a big sale.
  7. How does this violinist make weird subharmonic noises?

Bob and Doug McMoquegua


The Wari abandoned Cerro Baúl and all their other cultural sites about AD 1000. Why they chose to leave Cerro Baúl remains a mystery, but they left ample evidence of a planned, if destructive, departure. They cleaned out functional buildings, but ritually destroyed ceremonial buildings, including the palace, temple and brewery.

Final ceremonies, such as a feast at the palace, ended with igniting the combustible parts of the structure. Later, the stone walls collapsed, covering and protecting the remains for a thousand years.

The brewery preserved the most intriguing evidence. Shawl clips found in the ruins showed that elite women were the brewers. In Inca times, Ryan Williams at the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago, notes that noble women called “virgins of the Sun” are known to have brewed beer…

More at the New Scientist about this now-departed ancient people and their awesome 64-ouncers of beer, shown above.