Hellraiser: A Skin Creme for Men

The Guardian reports that the Chinese government is making cosmetic products out of the skin of executed prisoners.

After I finished retching and clawing at my face, I composed myself and thought “Hmm, there must be some way to get in on this one.” I figure there are going to be more executions here, mostly of younger people, and increasingly by lethal injection which leaves things looking good. One problem is that our Death Row population is mostly dark brown and our high-end cosmetics buyer tends to be light pink. I’m not sure whether we’re going to go with bleaching the convicts or just selling the products to tanning salons as Jared suggested.

Product name suggestions are Justice: Strong Supple Skin for Him and Lifeskin Recyclables Body Rejuvenator.

This heaven gives me migraine

Waiting for my mother at the doctor’s office just now I picked up a magazine called “Organic Style”, thinking “this should be good!”

It does not disappoint. A more descriptive name would be “The magazine for women who need to be so healthy and virtuous and beautiful that they are all hot yoga adepts and Jane Goodall and Susan Sarandon at once”.

Ads for Shell Oil face editorials decrying Arctic drilling. A product sidebar touts a $249 “earth/peace scapulare” that makes a statement in 14k “recycled gold”. There are many, many skin moisturizers and breakfast cereals. One is commanded to indulge everything, always.

The best part was a Dove ad. It was actually an ad for an advertising campaign (!). Dove wishes to celebrate “real beauty” of “women with curves” who are not size 2 models. They laud their own ad campaign, in which they stand firm for real women and unretouched photographs and celebrating… Anyway the women in the ad for the ad are impossibly hot twenty year olds with perfect everything laughing in their underwear. I guess it’s okay to be a size 4 catalog model now, gals! Size 0 is no longer mandatory!