Category: Uncategorized

oh the hugh manatee

My employer’s website has an unintentionally hilarious ad banner on it. The second frame says something like “so now read something other than Cliff Notes” and takes you to this page which is even scarier, in that college grads are being told it’s time to read Dr. Seuss, Robert Fulghum, and Danielle Steele.

Is it time for the Robot Holocaust yet?

intravenous bubble gum sockhop facilitator

I want to learn to play poker. I’ve never played it successfully. Anyone have a good source for a POKER-HOWTO?

A quote from my father surfaced in my head today while listening to some people at work bullshit each other:

“Businessmen are all idiots. You can tell one of them some platitude like ‘If you want something done right you gotta do it yourself’ and then follow it up 10 minutes later with ‘The key to success is delegation; you have to trust your colleagues’ and the guy will agree enthusiastically each time.”

I miss Dad. He would have enjoyed the Interweb.

The new Krazy Kat book rules. Everyone must now buy it.

missing adze from neil young action figure

I used to work with a guy who is, among other things, a magician. I think they prefer “illusionist” nowadays to distinguish themselves from the people who believe in MAGICK! and are trying to get Aleister Crowley to spoil someone’s eggs or something.

Anyway, he is really good; good enough to belong to the Magic Castle, where you have to submit a portfolio and convince other magicians that you have the stuff. I went there with him a few times and saw him perform as well as some of the greats in that field.

I saw some “close up” magic, which is really amazing stuff. You’re in a little room like an independent theatre, stacked up on these almost vertical bleachers, and a man sits in front of a table and does things right in front of your face that are impossible.

I had a kind of zen moment thinking about this experience. The tools these guys use are ordinary objects: lit cigarettes, bits of rope, playing cards, a lemon. But because of the fixed attention that they and their audiences give these objects, they become infused with a new set of qualities. The dollar bill or the paperclip starts to sort of glow, and when the trick is completed suddenly everyone wants to look at it.

This is what I always thought Zen meant; attention. To everyday things. So odd to find it while holding a drink in a funny old Hollywood castle full of entertainment types.

Do not lambada in the orrery

I’d RATHER be SAILING the SEVENTY SEAS with my PIRATE PARROT on my SHOULDER. But, I’m a sysadmin so I’m going to be online at “10 ish” when the NCAA game ends to update my employer’s website so the box scores don’t look retarded.

I’d RATHER be ROLLING in the HAY with LUSCIOUS SUPERMUDDLES but I’m a sysadmin, so I’ll hang out with my friends at a coffee house for a bit until the annoying AA people show up, and then go home and make some bread before the NCAA game ends.

I’d RATHER be FLYING my HYPERSONIC SPACE PLANE from DUBAI to SWARGFISKERATORAN via CHAMONIX but I’m a sysadmin so I’ll be buzzing down the 405 in my japanese sports car trying to avoid assmonkeys in huge SUVs who pass on the shoulder at 80 and then merge in to gain 8 car lengths and nearly kill me.

On the latter topic it’s a really fucking good thing that I don’t carrry a gun in the car..

..because a good windshield-penetrating, manstopper hollowpoint round costs a lot of money these days.

we have nothing to cheese but cheese itself

“What about those who don’t got what I got?
Are they victims of my leisure?
To fail is to be a victim..
..maybe partying will help.” — The Minutemen

I find myself reflexively annoyed at almost everything. Other people and their issues, animals staring at my food, small clonking noises in the car, the oncoming rush of death, the unavailability of proper yeast at the market. It’s all one big freaking tsuris!

Trust the Jews to come up for the best word for the phenomenon.

If you need anyone slapped hard, let me know. I’m in the mood.