I AM FINE. WE ARE WINNING THE WAR HERE IN IRAQ. THE LOCALS LOVE US. I WAS HURT A BIT IN ACTION BUT I WILL BE BRAVE. DONALD RUMSFELD IS A GOOD, KIND MAN. THERE ARE MANY STATUES OF GEORGE BUSH HERE. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE NEGATIVE NONSENSE FROM THE LIBERAL MEDIA.

SEND MY LOVE TO $RELATIVE_1 AND $RELATIVE_2, AND TELL $PET TO BE A GOOD $PET_TYPE. PLEASE SEND COOKIES.

REMEMBER TO VOTE FOR OUR PRESIDENT!

LOVE,

$SOLDIER

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/10/13/iraq/main577716.shtml

On behalf of the entire staff of Fox Networks Group Human Resources, I’m pleased to announce the integration of the Human Resources functions for all of Fox Broadcast, Cable and Fox Networks Engineering & Operations (NEO). As outlined, the new functional disciplines will support the five business unit heads, who in turn will have responsibility for the day-to-day Human Resources needs of their respective business units.

o/~ Braaaaziiil o/~

An odd but pleasant evening. Went down to “Lake Forest” to see Crack Sunday, whom I hadn’t seen before.

Because this was South Orange County, the rock ‘n’ roll bar was in a strip mall. Not just any strip mall, but the only one in South County with sin. There was the CAPTAIN CREAM strip club, a branch of the nightclub chain called “The Drink/Rock N Sushi”, a Hookah Bar (??), and probably other suitably franchisable naughtiness. That whole part of Southern California is one long series of Simpsons jokes.

Crack Sunday was good. I’m always glad when a friend is in a band that *doesn’t* suck, because it’s so painful being polite otherwise. They’re somewhere in the large gooey zone between Tool and Yes, which sounds odd now that I’m typing it. I’ll put up some pics tomorrow after I REBUILD MY GIMP unless everything I took sucked.

I ordered a Maker’s Mark on the rocks and the bartender had no end of trouble opening the red wax, and finding out the price. I don’t think she’s very good at bartending.

At one point a crowd of South O.C. losers who looked like they were at lunch from the office rambled on in and bruisedhips muttered “Lake Forest represent!”

genericus is, like, good at playing the bass, and stuff.

We have a strudelocracy now, God help us. He’s already in bed with the Enron people apparently, and somehow I don’t think the reduced car tax is worth the embarrassment.

The next person to make a “you californians are so wacky” joke gets his or her ass kicked. We’re a huge place full of working people, mostly industrial. We don’t sit around in our Malibu mansions staring at crystals all day. Get over the stereotypes.

At least we don’t have government officials on gaybashing sprees yet.

Something in my house smells like airplane glue. I hope it isn’t my yogurt dressing.

I hope to see some or all of you at genericus‘s BIG ROCK SHOW tonight.

I might just go eat worms, though. It’s been that kind of day. Sometimes I really feel that everyone who is pleasant to me is faking it, and that I’m actually the most despised creature on earth. I hope they find that brain chemical soon, that feeling really sucks.

I need to reinvent myself. Ima gonna go to the Salon tomorrow and request this look. I hear retro is in!

Then people will be my fans and make pics like this of me! 🙂

The unpleasant nut I used to work with on AOL years ago is having his trial.

http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?aid=/20031009/apn/310091033/

Bonus points for “gasoline-filled condoms” and using AOL Guide status as a reason for having information about bombs.

Edit: GUILTY!

Annual pass to disneyland: $200
Tank of gas: $20
Two ice cream cones: $4

Straight Tom Cruise-looking pbd and his straight hunky friend Eric for five hours at Disneyland on Gay Day: PRICELESS.

I wish I had been a fly on the wall, just to watch all the “bears” in their bright red Gay Day shirts ogling them. Still laughing about this one.

A particularly Bad Lieutenant from Queensland, courtesy acb.

If I shave off all my pubic hair, can I be a Police Informant too?

I had forgotten about this Nutshell book from O’Reilly and when I saw it I laughed really hard and water went into my nose.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburger are a dangerous mix.

An excellent dinner: stirfry beef and eggplant with homemade peanut sauce. Why do I ever buy dressings and sauces from other people? Mental note: never do that again. Next time no beef, just a handful of cashews or peanuts. Increasingly I think I can and should do without meat. A year from now I bet I’m a vegetarian. Washed it down with a very nice glass of ’01 Pouilly-Fuissé. Later, I’ll have yogurt with berries. I can still eat well and not kill myself.

Again: homemade peanut sauce is so much better. Peanut butter + rice vinegar + honey + soy sauce + sriracha. Heaven!

During the benefits meeting they introduced two new benefits: a subsidy for well-child checkups for dependents under 18, and a benefit for health care of same-sex partners. I think I’ll switch teams and get an underage boyfriend and see if I can make money.

There’s more to life than books, you know, but not much more.

Note to jobseekers: my local supermarket is hiring scabs for a strike. Here’s your chance to cross a picket line to sell Lunchables™, Chef Boyardee Ravioli, and fake artisanal bread to the local quality.

I think I realized at a very early age (maybe 8?) that I am destined to be an observer rather than a participant in life. I think I read a Shakespeare play and realized that I sympathized only with the Chorus. Things haven’t changed so much since then. People around me lead flamboyant lives, full of sex and money and violence and poverty and alternative lifestyles and huge unresolvable conflicts. Meanwhile I sit in the corner, weighted down with a tremendous stone, and occasionally intone a comment or judgment upon the scene before me.

When I need to be with someone, I desperately crave social intercourse, or cuddling, or something more. When I need to be alone, I’m a distant, icy asshole. I need a partner in life who is just like that and exactly in sync with me. Dysfunction junction, what’s your function?

I’m a terribly angry, judgmental backstabber. All of my humor is negative, but I’m a great coward. I talk about you behind your back. I am duplicitous, fearful, lecherous, and dependent.

However, I make a darned good stir-fry.