Spent yesterday being violently sick every 2 hours. Finally graduated up to ice chips, then water, then yogurt & miso soup at 2 am. So, not the worst stomach bug ever, got it killed in a day.

Fortunately the Deity did not heed my many requests to kill me, knowing that I would be better soon.

A lot of unasked-for reflective time was not amusing. If I could be distracted from myself for the rest of my life I’d be happy man.

I am drowning in the sea behind your ship.

Intestinal bug. blark.

Someone has taken the trouble to screengrab, document, and record at least one song from the transcendent work of Mr. David Nkrumah Liebe Hart, the mad Christian Science puppeteer.

I alone survive to tell you this tale.

Alas, a doomed mission to your infernal area has trapped me among you primitive hypocrites.

Read! An excerpt from the novel.

See! His flash stylings.

Hear! His inexplicable music.

Claw! Your face entirely off.

Another excerpt available

from an irc discussion with stimps, fimmtiu, halfjack and others:

chocolate chip avalanche bailey’s pukey irishmen’s club sandwich in a glass
Ginseng and Buttnut Licor D’Amor
M&M&M: M&M’s and Maledictine
Old Doc McIBS’s Blocked Intestinal Schnapps
Primo Placento, a wine for Today’s Mother
Uncle Bob’s Hard Gravy
Old Man Thymus’ Smooth Sippin’ Sweetbread
Black Mold Vodka
bubble gum bourbon
Gin with tapioca pearls
B&B&B — benedictine, brandy and BLUEBERRY GELATO
Benedictine & Balut
Anise & Ambergris Liqueur
Creme de Smegme
KKK Reserve: Kentucky Kracker Kooze

1. Ladies! If your man takes you to the sports bar section of the Napa Valley restaurant in Costa Mesa, California for that special night, you are entitled and encouraged to place him in a Yard-a-Pult and cut loose.
2. If you are a wonderliciously hot 19-year-old woman with legs from here to Sunday and perfect boobs and all the secret sauce, and if you say that a) you can’t wear miniskirts now because you gained 20 pounds at college and b) that you don’t get college because it seems to be all partying and shopping then you have become a STEREOTYPE and it’s time to turn back before it sticks and you turn into one of those people.
3. This is especially true when you are saying this to the other 19-year-old woman at the table who is going to the community college and waitressing to finance it.
4. I really like Hendrick’s gin.
5. I also really like Goat Gouda. However, I was scared by the ancient woman in the minidress at Trader Joe’s who seized on me as I was buying it to loudly explain three times that it was excellent Dutch Goat Cheese and she knew her Dutch because her mother was Dutch and the French can’t make cheese except for cooking but the Dutch cheese was the best, and she also used to have goats.
6. I am now sad because ranai revealed that one of the sandwiches at Panera has 2,750 mg of sodium in it.

..we have:

My New Rumsfeld Technique is Unstoppable!

Maybe 15 years ago, Harper’s did one of their “annotations” of documents on a piece of paper from an airline reservation call center. New at the time, it was an analysis of a particular employee’s week done down to the second by a computer system that tracks what the employee is doing at any particular time. Not only did the machine know whether she was speaking to a customer, and for how long, but she was also required to hit various buttons when she was doing paperwork, taking a lunch break, taking a personal break, or going to the restroom.

The document also had the manager’s notes to the employee, since the analysis is given back to the call center person with various exhortations on it intended to improve productivity. Employees are told to reduce their call time, and are disciplined if they work the wrong hours or take too many breaks. Especially bad was the annotation on the bathroom time, which was three or four minutes per day too much. The manager had scrawled on it something like “Let’s keep this in bounds. Remember, you have control!”

I had forgotten about this completely until last night, when I found out that at friendly_bandit’s customer service job, they had the latest version of this system. His boss noted that instead of the allowed 10 minutes of bathroom time, he had 10 minutes and 37 seconds of bathroom time.

He was told to fix that. You know, shave off that 37 seconds. This despite the fact that his breaks are shorter and his work times are longer and his clients write letters to the company praising him for his personable and efficient manner and the excellent job he does on their insurance contracts.

And we wonder why there’s a workplace violence problem?

Folks I’ve seen a lot of things go by in my years on the ‘Net. I have been privileged to be “in on” some exciting times, and seen quite a few good and bad things happen, and I have my share of wisdom as a result! LOL. 🙂 So, I thought I’d put together a Guide for the Pre-Plexed “as it were” so that people can benefit from some of my own observations, rants, and perspectives.

I’d like to take a moment to thank all of you who’ve contributed to my ruminations and updates over the years. I couldn’t have done all this without you, the readers and bloggees!

So, to the point. Here are some “talking points” and “starter advices”:

1. The charter of this discussion group is based around the writing and ideas of yours truly! A lot of you have some great stuff to contribute but it’s best to stay “on topic” as much as possible. Thanks in advance! LOL

2. It’s super important to wash yourself frequently, especially in the groinal area. A lot of people pish posh the basics but if you’re gonna get somewhere in society you have to have that fresh feeling all the time!! 🙂

3. Wear sunscreen. Okay, it’s cheesey!! Heh!! But, so true. Hubby and I went to Disney World last year and he was so chapped. If only he would listen. Men!

4. Baking soda and baking powder are totally different from each other. Boy, that’s one substitution this little substitute isn’t gonna make again! Write that one down, you’ll forget it; trust me. Boy did we have a good laugh over those “muffins”!!

5. My eBay auctions are constantly being updated. I hate to mention it all the time, but it’s a good thing for this community and for you too! 🙂

6. When we get into those silly discussion over who’s indie and who’s goth, or whether the Bones and Raw Food diet is okay, it’s easy to lose our focus on what’s important: that we’re all in this together and that we all enjoy MacGuyver/Stargate fic and Richard Dean Anderson fantasy art. Let’s keep the accent on the positive and share the GOOD times!

7. There is no number seven! Hee, hee!

8. If you know me, you know it’s always okay to send chocolate!!

9. I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again. You’ll never make it with that special person in life if you bring up that shared interest of ours right away. Let things blossom and grow for a bit before it’s time to open up and let someone know about what’s special and different about you.

10. I’m not discussing font issues any more on this forum. Microsoft Comic Sans has a lot of sentimental value for me.

So, I was supposed to go to this place called the “Ugly Mug” in Orange and experience music on eamajyn’s recommendation and it didn’t happen. Sorry, I’m a flake. I got derailed and stayed that way and I’m annoying that way.

I had to go to the drugstore in the middle of the night tonight. It’s always odd there. The employees consist of:

• Yosemite Sam guy with flowing white hair and mustache, who says “yup” a lot.
• Large shaven-headed wide grumpy black guy, about 30, who frequently wears pants to work that appear to be boxer underwear and are always falling off
• Incredibly fat-butted nice Mexican lady who speaks so softly I cannot hear her, ever
• Happy skinny Appalachian-looking 909 girl who is either a meth addict or deeply anorexic
• Tiny Vietnamese woman with thinning hair and a twitch who never, ever speaks but only roams the aisles picking things up and putting them down again

The customers — myself excepted — were all buying OMG LATE VALENTINE CRAP. Amusing or instructive characters included the gaggle of rich high school girls each buying $50 worth of candy; the bro-guy who talked to his buddies on his cellphone the whole time his loud, happy girlfriend was asking him which stuffed bear to buy; a very drunk man whose leather newsboy cap kept falling off; and an extremely cute emo girl with Converse lo-tops and loud red socks, whom I wanted to hit on but did not.

I did get some candy hearts for Mom. I figure someone’s got to, she hasn’t had anyone to do that since Dad died in ‘93.

Tomorrow morning I’m gonna get up early, spray musk all over my body, and hump the pine tree out front.